Do you ever feel like you can't complain or admit that you're not coping today, because after all, you chose to have a big family?

[PerpendicularKitten]

It's been ridiculously hard this week, even with help from family for a day and a half. The house is a mess, I am exhausted and haven't the energy to sort it all out. I don't want to complain exactly but I do feel like I can't say too much because after all it was my/our choice to have 4DC's!

I think what makes it worse is that I'm a SAHM, I keep hearing of people who home school, have more kids than me and work part time! I feel like such a failure...I've never worked so hard in all my life and yet if feel a bit useless. The DC's are aged 3 months to 7 years...

(please do not comment if all you wish to say is 'well, thats why I stuck to having 2 dcs', thank you).

I only have three, two school aged and a baby. It was choice and I don't regret it for a second, but the sheer workload and responsibility is overwhelming sometimes.I don't know how you do it with four!

Actually I'm a little jealous. I'd love four buthave to admit it would stretch me too far.

My dh is one of four and loved being part of a large family. You are giving your kids that. Lots of love to go round, never boring and generally fun. What they miss out on in terms of attention, money, time etc They gain in so many other ways.

Don't compare your inside to anyone else's outside. No one can do it all. If your friend works something else will give (which is fine we all have to prioritise and make choices). In some ways it is harder being at home all the time.

Our society values all the wrong things sometimes. It's all beautiful homes, A grades and getting ahead. Failure, being human but lots of love in your heart is far more meaningful to me than robotically striving for perfection. Which is often at the cost of true expression of feeling.

kitten I'm with you. I have 4 dcs from 12 to nr 2. I too have never worked so hard in my life. I make light of it to friends and aquaintances as a) i think thats how I cope and b) i think it gets some people brissles up moaning about having lots of dcs, dcs clise together, twins etc plus I don't want to be thsg mum, woe us me. I think that is part of the reason I've just had a bad spell of depression.

I have 4 dcs and yes you're right it is hard work! I hate it when people say things like "well, you did want lots of kids"

I think you need to cut yourself some slack. As long as your children are fed, clothed, relatively clean and alive you are doing a good job.

I had DC4 when DC1 was 5.5. Looking back I've no idea how they all survived. It does get easier, honest.

Yes. I feel exactly like that. I'm a SAHM to 5 DC between 1-12. It's really, really hard. Too hard.

I'm glad it's not just me then. Still really happy to have 4, I just wish that some days were not so 'un fun'.

I have been hunting out large family blogs, a lot of them are American (and sometimes religious as well) they seem to have a real self worth and take it all in their stride (obviously they don't post the bleak stuff).

It does get easier as they get older I promise!!! The little things like saying "time to leave" and they can all put on their shoes and coats and then buckle themselves up in the car - it's heaven.

I'm afraid it's try and have routine especially with the housework, we always washed a load and got it hung out so it dried, I think that was mainly an evening job that dh helped with. Never ironed. Also keep your house decluttered.

I've actually found it harder since I gave up work. We don't have any family support either which means we get no time away from the DC. I love it that we're a really tight family unit but I feel like DH and I really need some time together.

Totally get the sentiments on here. Ive 4 dc, due tomorrow with dc 5 (sooo wont arrive on time!) and eldest is only turning 5. So they ALL need to be helped to do so much still! What makes the biggest difference is being heavily (read massive) pregnant; so little energy. That and no family nearby so no respite. I wouldnt change it! But oh my God I wish I were better at it! Im a sahm too.

But the other pps have it right, we all need to cut ourselves more slack. Animalsunited is so right - and rather eloquent - "Don't compare your inside to anyone else's outside". I must remember that myself.

All you ladies are so right. I have 5 dc from age nearly 17 down to 17 months had a big gap after first two.
I have to have routine if not it all falls apart. I have no family support when I do speak to my mother and she asks how everything is I say yes good, no point saying actually I'm having one of those days where I feel like it's all falling apart and don't know where to start. If I did say this to her the answer would be well you choose to have 5 children.

As long as you love care fed and keep your kids clean and safe what more do they need. So don't be so hard on yourself. My problem is I feel guilty over things like not having enough time to do everything for everyone but do try and that's the best everyone can do.
I really don't know how people have the time to fit work in aswell as everything else. I do home educate my children aswell. So have to have routine or I lose the plot

Feeling a little more cheerful than when I wrote my OP! Leaving the house still feels like a bit of a mission though, on the school run I am often first back to the car park and last to drive away.

Thank you for your kind words Animalsunited , and I hope your baby doesn't keep you waiting too long pinkteapots .

I found getting a graco mirage pushchair wonderful - got a buggyboard attached to the back and the whole thing folded as is into the boot and then had a graco car seat to click onto the pushchair.

Used a "better" car seat for motorway journeys but that little thing for nursery ppick ups was wonderful. I actuall found it far less strefull to walk the school run, got baby ready once she'd had her morning feed and she waited in the pushchair outside if need be, even it was half an hour!