Defeated by my children

[jenniferalisonphillipasue]

Thought I'd post here as people might have some empathy.
As the title says I feel totally defeated by my kids. They are 9,6,4 and 21 months. The last one has been hard work. She didn't sleep for a long time and is a complete whirlwind. I feel like I can't do anything; going for a shower, to the toilet, clearing up after breakfast - everything gets interrupted by crying, arguing or just general wants. The kids have their own rooms and a playroom yet they still trash the rest of the house. This morning I went to put a load of washing on and they were colouring in the study but they'd decided to "decorate" a box I had left in there. It was a box I needed to keep for work and now it's ruined. Not the end of the world I know but the study is a work space not their space. I feel like I can never do anything nice with them as I always have too many jobs to get to that point. I ask the older ones to help out but unless I am stood over them things don't get done properly. I am just so frustrated by it all.
They are lovely, lovely kids. I know it's me that is mainly the problem but I don't know how to get my patience back.
Anyone else feel like this?

Yes! My main frustration is that I never really get to the stage where I can just sit down and relax with my DCs.

I want to be able to lounge around with them and chat and laugh..what's that advert on the TV where the dad and his DCs have a nothing to do but lounge around day...probably Clover or something like that.

Anyway, I want that! If I do do some lounging around, at the back of my mind I'm always thinking "There's a bloody mountain of washing to do...I haven't done the dishes...I need to start cooking the tea...the bathroom needs cleaning, etc!"

You mean people can relax?! Who knew such a thing. Such a foreign word! I sit down and I am jumped on, proded, asked to play, break up arguments, pump milk, bf baby after baby, cook, clean, tidy, walk the dog.

To save my sanity I have "quiet time" kids are in their rooms for 45 minutez and are not allowed out, they can sleep, play, watch TV, whatever etc as long as they don't come out. I've learnt to lock certain doors (I eventually want to not lock doors and learn them about trust) and keep important things outta reach especially DH's briefcase and paperwork .

Some days I want to cry but I find myself laughing instead because I created this little army that likes to overrun me!

I stopped caring about being house proud or reserving items (apart from wine and dark chocolate) from being labelled as 'mine' a long time ago. I just lowered my standards and yes it can be irritating, yes when I go to peoples houses and they can see their dining table and I know mine at home is crumbling under the weight of the washing piled on top of it I do get a bit envious but all in all, I gave up trying to have and to be it all when 3 and 4 arrived.

The older ones will be back at school soon, is the 4 year old starting too?

I think unfortunately you just need to get locks for the top of every door to a room you don't want them in and surrender to the chaos.

I am currently having a soak in the bath, to relax my painful back and am ignoring that I can hear my 18m old taking all the DVDs out their cases and posting them through the catflap. My 3yr old is harassing me terribly to hurry up and get the art and craft stuff out, after she kindly released the 18m from the pushchair I had secured him in in front of cbeebies. Yes I know the TV is not a babysitter, but I was hoping the novelty would keep him vaguely entertained so I could bath in peace.

It is hard and you have my complete sympathy. Def get a lock for the study. In face I would be tempted to lock every room but the playroom and toilet, during the day.

We have little 'hook and eye' type locks high up on doors to most upstairs rooms except their bedroom - I lock them out of those rooms if they are playing upstairs. But to be honest if its not bolted down, welded on or 5 foot off the ground (my eldest is 4yrs, so still small) its wrecked, whatever it is. Standards have dropped! I love a clean house, I'd like to decorate a bit, have a few things that are my own, get out of the house now and then! But ive gotten quite used to being taken over I guess. On the ling list of tjings that you are (bum wiper, laundry girl, cook, cleaner, clothes buyer, penny watcher, etc etc...) I find my own name far down the list. I set small targets, time wise (like gettin through summer hols) or about the house.

But look, theres no magic solution. Time, I guess. But you have my sympathy! I'd say routine and consistent discipline (neither of which I am great at) are probably what pays off best. For the littlest one, time (and for you)

Thank you for all the replies. It definitely helps to know that others have similar experiences. Last week was a bad week. I feel slightly more in control of my life now. The children go back to school tomorrow with the 4yo starting fulltime. It will be the first time I have had a child at home alone without being pregnant and feeling rubbish so I am really looking forward to it. Onwards and upwards!

Ah just the place. I was just thinking similar today.

3 dc's, eldest dd (5) is in school not sure whether that is a good thing or not as when she is home she plays with dd2 (2.5) who is a one child tornado left to her own devices.

Had one of those days today. Ds (8 months) is on day 3 of virus with raging fever and vomiting due to cough after a week of teething so no sleep. First day of school and I misjudged all the timings to get ready on time. Dd2 missing her older sister and acting up because ds getting more attention. Ds is the cling-on baby and I am ravenous because he is feeding like a newborn. Bad combo, grumpy mummy :(

You have my sympathy, I have 5 kids, 9, 7, 5, 3, and 10 months, and I have exactly the same thing with them going into my room and ruining stuff, going into their own rooms and destroying stuff, the 5 and 3 year olds are the worst, sudo cream, sharpies, screwdrivers, shaving foam and washing powder have been this weeks tools of destruction, I have also had to put hook and eye locks on the top of all the bedrooms to stop them going into each other's rooms and ruining stuff, and I can never leave the living room as even the baby is a Houdini climbing tornado!, even with a stair gate on the door, the others open it and she gets up the stairs...

My 11mo twin who has been exploring for weeks has finally figured out how to open drawers and cupboards. I'm really fussed as anything dangerous/breakable etc is kept in the top cupboards... it's just the tidying up bit I hate when they've finished having fun!

4 of the DC are now in school/nursery, so I only have 2 at home and it's wonderful :)

We had outdoor things like mini trampoline, baby climbing frame and a hanging bar thing for them indoors to burn up any unused energy. Not all at the same time though.

I totally understand your feelings of frustration and as mum to 4 of 12, 9, 7 and 3 I have been there - and am there - frequently - it is an impossible situation.. it's just too much for one person to cope with really and of course it's not the kids fault but we take it out on them and then feel awful..! I don't have any answers, but just want you to know you are not alone. Thanks for posting, it really does help to know that others feel like this and that I am not a terrible mother - at least not all the time!