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What happens with middle child syndrome with 4 dc?

22 replies

workingonitagain · 20/08/2014 14:28

Out of curiosity does middle child thing exist with 4 kids? I have 3 ds and middle one is the most difficult so far. Would be interesting to know what happens if there is an even number
Thanks

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quietlysuggests · 20/08/2014 14:41

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workingonitagain · 20/08/2014 14:47

Im sure it is something as all the people i speak to seems to agree that middle children are more challenging than others for various reasons so asking from those who have observed this, do the roles change once you have 4?

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QOD · 20/08/2014 14:50

Is it not just as simple as oldest child is Pfb, second is baby and then 3rd is baby and middle child is .... Middle child? No special place sort of thing

I'm a younger of two so no personal experience but it seemed apparent in two families we grew up with

HavanaSlife · 20/08/2014 14:53

I have 4, never had any sort of middle child thing with ds2. He's always been very easy going. It was 8 years before ds3 came along though

workingonitagain · 20/08/2014 15:01

Mine are 2 years apart so im assuming it's more obvious then...

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purpleroses · 20/08/2014 15:03

My DH has 4. I wouldn't say either of the middle two are anything other than just themselves really. The eldest takes on a very grown up, being in charge role, and the youngest will I think be forever the baby of the family (despite being nearly 12 and ought to be a bit more grown up by now....) but the middle ones just kind of be themselves.

HavanaSlife · 20/08/2014 15:04

I suppose ds3 could be classed more as the middle child with them being 19, 11, 3 and 2. He is my most difficult so far

Hassled · 20/08/2014 15:08

In my case the former middle child bonded very strongly with Number 4 when he arrived. And prior to his arrival I think she did struggle with not being the oldest and not being the baby.

Bowlersarm · 20/08/2014 15:12

I am the youngest of 4. I would say my youngest brother -dc3- had middle child syndrome, if anyone.

Tangoandcreditcards · 20/08/2014 15:36

I'm middle of 5.

I have a strong belief (based on observation of my own family, and my cousin's family of 4, so v scientific). That so called middle-child-syndrome is, in fact, "second-to-last" syndrome. So keep an eye on your youngest when the new DC arrives!

HavanaSlife · 20/08/2014 16:35

Well that fits with my dcs tango

workingonitagain · 20/08/2014 19:01

thanks so it seems like it will pretty much stay similar with one of the middle ones feeling a bit left out

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workingonitagain · 20/08/2014 19:01

thanks so it seems like it will pretty much stay similar with one of the middle ones feeling a bit left out

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workingonitagain · 20/08/2014 19:01

thanks so it seems like it will pretty much stay similar with one of the middle ones feeling a bit left out

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Misfitless · 20/08/2014 19:14

It can also depend on the sexes.

Eg, my Dh is one of 4, so technically there are two not one, middle child, or none if you look at it the other way!

Anyway, the order is as follows, girl, boy (DH), boy, girl.

I've spoken to my MIL and DH about this. If there is a typical "middle child" in their family it's the third child.

My theory is that the first born is the first born, so there's a ready made identity from the off, my DH was second born, but also the first son, so again, first boy blah blah, DH's brother was the third born, there had already been a one of each before him..no real sense of identity etc.

Incidentally, he's much more needy, less independent and drama-prone than the other three, so maybe there's something in it!

The fourth child was a DD, but is that even relevant (because perhaps that child was always going to be identified as being the youngest, which is sort of an identity in itself, if you're that way out, I suppose)?

It would have been interesting if my DH's oldest sibling had been a boy. Would that have impacted on his personality? Who knows? I do wonder, though!

Misfitless · 20/08/2014 19:21

I've also got 4, my second is also my first and only son, so according to my theory, that's him sorted as he has a strong identity as the "boy" of our family.

My third child is my second daughter, she is very quirky, but also the most confident and self assured. In fact she blows my theory out of the water now I think of it!

She very much enjoys not being the baby of the family.

If anyone has an identity crisis, or feels left out these days, it's probably my youngest who is desperate to be big.

She said the other day "When I'm a big sister, I'm going to be really kind and help look after the baby."

I had to break it to her very gently that she would never be a big sister, that she would always be the youngest. She just assumed that one day she would have a younger sibling!

She took it pretty well, considering I know how cheated she felt!

BikeRunSki · 20/08/2014 19:33

I'm the third of 4. B,b, g, g. Everyone thought we should fall into 2 groups of 2 - old boys and young girls. But actually our personalities made us naturally fall into a group of 3 (both brothers and me, number 3).

BikeRunSki · 20/08/2014 19:35

Posted to soon... and a group of 1 (younger sister). She was spoilt gotten by our dad, I think he felt a bit sorry for her that she was the "off one out".

CarcerDun · 20/08/2014 19:48

I'm a number 3 of four, we're gbgb. The more difficult child was number 1 and the most independent was/is me at number 3. I don't believe in a middle child syndrome, we are what we are, four independent people with similar upbringings. If any one of us struggled, it was number 1, the only child who had to make room again, and again, and again.

workingonitagain · 20/08/2014 21:45

I love reading all your stories! Thanks! Im third of 3 (gbg) brother was/is the most easy going out of us! Never any trouble! Although i would have to spend a lot of time thinking how our dysfunctional family affected who we are today so in that sense i don't think my brother had all the tools he needed to discover who he really was and become perhaps a bit more of a "problematic" middle child!

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imip · 21/08/2014 09:13

It's kinda sad that birth order leads to this 'middle child syndrome'. It almost fates the middle child before birth.

That said, dd2 of 4 is my most difficult child. Diagnosed with anxiety, which is primarily manifests with bad behaviour, unfortunately, however, dd4 - now 2, is starting to demonstrate some of the similar behaviours, notably a very independent streak. With dd2 I tried to reign it in (not wearing coats, walking a particular way etc etc), I'm going more with the flow with dd4, not looking at this as a chance to be naughty, but just a different way of expressing herself...

Love to hear a child's psych take on it. I know birth order must count for something, but I'd hate for it to be overtly detrimental to any of my children (yes dd4, you are a big girl!).

imip · 21/08/2014 09:16

Oh, I'm g,g,g,g all within 5 years - perhaps it is the 5 years that counts for more???

I'm one of 5 g,b,b,b,g within 13 years dc3 was the one isolated by age - the first 2 and last 2 born within 2 yrs of each other. He is schizophrenic, cannot work. Unfortunately, I attribute that more to a very shitty and violent upbringing. My mum used to attribute it to being the middle child Confused I suppose that's why I am reticent to label a middle child?

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