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Larger families

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Original poster

Found out I'm pregnant and terrified!

12 replies

KeepSmiling83 · 22/07/2014 15:11

I have just found out I am pregnant with #2. We weren't being careful and knew we would be happy if I fell pregnant. However now it has happened I am terrified of how it will impact my DD.

I am an only child and have always loved it. I've been really lucky growing up and enjoyed lots of lovely things and holidays. I'm now worried that I'm not going to be able to do the same for DD. I'm worried she is going to feel pushed out and jealous and that I will have ruined her childhood. I know how silly that sounds but I can't get rid of these irrational thoughts.

Please someone tell me how great it is having siblings and that my DD will love being a big sister. And that I haven't spoilt her life!

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OldLadyKnowsSomething · 22/07/2014 23:22

2 Dc isn't really a "larger family", though I can see why you feel that way. I have two adult dc myself, and yes, ds1 (aged about 3.5 when ds2 arrived) was a bit miffed; I recall him asking when ds2 would be going back to the hospital! It didn't help that ds2 was very late, arriving on a Sunday, and ds1 started nursery on the Tuesday, so I was really worried he'd feel pushed out. As it turned out, he coped. Of course there was sibling rivalry over the years, but mostly it was ok as they were growing up.

I'm no2 in a family of 4 dc myself; I have an older sister, a younger brother, and a younger sister. I'm probably closer to my elder sister and brother now (dsis and I shared a room til I left home at 17) but little sis and I get on fine. There were times I bitterly resented her; we lived in a 4 bed house so brother had his own room and so did she but we're all grown up now and are all amicable. There were times I bitterly resented dbro; growing up in the 70's he had no domestic chores while we girls did, because it was "women's work" and I was infuritated by that! We live miles apart (dbro in Australia) and don't have much physical contact (FB is fine for us) but it's always lovely to meet up again.

My elder sister has 3 ds who all seem to get along, younger sis has 5 and the (teasing, sometimes) love and support they offer each other is lovely to watch. A sibling (or more) can be a wonderful addition to your life, they can be a major PITA, and each can vary day to day.

You haven't ruined your dd's life, you've just changed it a bit. :)

irisblue · 23/07/2014 17:21

Siblings are fantastic - although you are posting on the larger families board so you're asking a group of people who will obviously say yes!

One of the main things about having a sibling/s is the support they can offer when your parents are ill. My brother and I aren't super-close (we get on well, but not in the share the world with each other kind of way) but it was so good to have him when my dad died. Similarly, I don't feel as much pressure on me regarding my mum as I would if I was on my own. Obviously - siblings might not get along, but in the majority of cases they do.

Also, you learn a lot from having a sibling, even if you don't like them - how to share, how to play, how to stand up for yourself. My 3 are young but they adore each other. My DS is one of 3 and they are very close. Two of my friends come from families of 4 and they speak to/see their siblings all the time. My mum is one of 4 and speaks to one of her sisters at least once, maybe twice a day!

As OldLady says, you're not ruining your DD's life, you are just changing it - hopefully for the better.

WaffleWiffle · 23/07/2014 17:28

Nothing much to add that isn't covered above.

But.... 2 in the 'larger families' section made me smile.

I'm expecting #4

Original poster

KeepSmiling83 · 23/07/2014 18:31

I'm sorry- I realise 2 isn't large but I thought I may get some positives of having more than one if I posted here! It just seems alien to me and as my mum only had one she can't understand why I would want another.

My DH also has a terrible relationship with his sister (who is clearly the favourite child) that I think it clouds my judgement. I just worry about favourites and how my gorgeous little DD will feel!

OP posts:

TravellingToad · 23/07/2014 18:38

How old will dd be when baby arrives?

Original poster

KeepSmiling83 · 23/07/2014 21:46

She will be a few months off 4 years old!

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NickNacks · 23/07/2014 21:47

@ 2dc being a larger family!

OldLadyKnowsSomething · 23/07/2014 22:36

There's 4 years between dgs and his sister, who recently turned 1. He adores his baby sister, and was old enough to understand that the baby needed attention more than he did, so felt protective rather than pushed out.

MultipleMama · 26/07/2014 23:40

I have one sibling hopefully soon-to-be two and we got on really well. DBro is two years older than me and we got on well. My brother isn't the talktive/feeling type (though he has mellowed over the last few years which I think is due to his partner). He was very protective and included me in most things obvliously as we hit the teens we drifted abit and he moved to Russia (his birth place), we talk over skype, phone and text and rarely see each other. However we are still very close - in fact he's going to be eith me for support when I give birth. I loved having a sibling.

Your DD will be fine once she adjusts :) You could buy a few books and include her in the pregnancy i.e letting her feel baby and letting her help pick names etc. You could also get her a "big sis" present from baby when he/she is born to help her adjust :) It's what I did with my dc and will be doing with #7! :)

GreatJoanUmber · 27/07/2014 16:10

I sort of see where you're coming from - I'm one of three, and didn't feel like my family was complete until I had 3 DC - so you probably feel having one child is 'normal' and anything beyond a bit scary!

Seriously though siblings are great; my older boys are the best friends you can imagine (and I'm sure the baby will join in all their mischief once he starts walking!), and I loved having siblings when I was a child and am still very close with my brother.

Original poster

KeepSmiling83 · 28/07/2014 08:45

Thanks again for the replies.

I'm still feeling quite panicked most days especially as we recently told a couple of family members and they said they felt disappointed as they wanted DD to be able to have everything she wanted just as I had. I have been looking at her and wondering how she will feel and if she will feel less loved. It's made me cry a few times. We haven't told her yet as its still early days but I will definitely involve her as much as I can. She does love children and has sometimes said she is sad because she has no one to play with at home. She also loves helping so I will make sure she is involved in baths, nappies etc.

I think maybe you're right about having an only child is normal to me. I have been really lucky because I never felt lonely and have been able to have lovely holidays, presents etc growing up. I do feel a bit sad that I won't be able to do that for DD.

I also feel guilty for this baby as I'm not excited like I was with my first and am just worrying about everything. We had been trying for a few months and had obviously considered our DD but I didn't realise I would feel like this once it had happened. Do you think these feeling of anxiety/guilt are normal?

Sorry for the long post but my husband thinks I'm crazy and my family were all happy for me to stop at 1 child (maybe because that's what they were used to?) so I don't feel I can really share my worries with them.

OP posts:

MultipleMama · 28/07/2014 11:20

God yes, they're normal!

DS1 was 2.7yo (I think!) when dd1 was born and throughout the pregnancy all I could think was is he gunna hate her, is he gunna feel left out, less loved, what if the new baby feels less loved because ds1 has had our love and affection for going on 3 years. That'a why we involved him in everything before and after the birth. We also also told him before family so he could get used to it without family/friends saying stuff in front of him. He was skeptical at first but soon feel into the "big brother" role.

When dd1 was born, my heart got bigger and she snuggled in besides DH, ds1. I loved her so much and loved ds1 so much because I felt now he wouldn't grow up alone without a sibling and they'll look out for each other.

They had sibling fights, still do but when they play together and I see the bond between them. I knew I had nothing to worry about.

As your family; sorry to be harsh. This is your family, not theirs. You shouldn't let them make you feel guilty or wrong for having another. You can still do holidays etc just as easily as two, and it'll be more fun for dd as now she'll have someone else to play with against all those strangers at beaches etc :)

Sorry I rambled!

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