Might start trying for a third - big gap

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Hello - seems like my husband is finally prepared to consider a third child... After much angst. DC1 is just 6 and DC2 will be 5 in August. I am 39.... Am I totally crazy? We always thought we'd probably have three then husband back-tracked majorly - because of financial reasons and the recession, I think. (We both work in the city and his job is particularly sensitive to financial conditions - but he still has one 6 years after all that).

I've been actively (on and off) campaigning for one since youngest child was one...

Somebody please tell me that DC3 won't feel like an only child with knackered older parents who will be senile before he/she is a teenager.... Of course, might not be able to conceive so easily now and husband hasn't yet totally come round (although i suspect he will).

And that DCs 1 and 2 won't resent me/us for bringing a pesky baby into the house and diluting the attention they get.

I'm the eldest of 3, by the way. 2 years between me and my nearest sibling and 8 years between me and my youngest. My mother was quite ill for a few years when the youngest sibling was born so think that sibling did suffer from disengaged parents and no siblings close in age to play with.

Maybe I'll have to have another two children in quick succession .

I work part time by the way -
'downgraded' my career so I could do something with more reasonable hours that allowed me to spend more time with the children.

Any thoughts??

(By the way, don't think families of 5 are particularly 'large' but this seemed the best place to get friendly advice about having more than two children...)

There's almost 6 years between me and my only sibling (I'm the youngest.)

Looking back, as a parent myself, I don't think my parents invested enough time into making sure that my sister didn't feel pushed out/jealous and/or resentful. Consequently, she felt all three big time, until she reached her late teens/early 20s.

I don't remembering them nurturing our relationship at all, and they weren't ones for spending time with us.

My mum also put too much responsibility on my sister, I think. Looking back, as an adult and parent, I think if I'd have been my Dsis, I'd have resented me too.

For example, she was expected to take me out for the day, when she was about 14, even younger, so that my mum could have time to herself , but then, that kind of thing was probably acceptable in the late 70s and 80s .

If it had all been handled differently, I doubt that the resentment/jealousy would have ever been an issue, and we'd have been much closer as children.

So, it wasn't down to the age gap as such, but to how my parents handled the age gap, I think, and their whole approach to parenting, and personalities, of course.

As parents now, I think most of us are more mindful and pro-active about trying to encourage good relationships between our children, and ensuring, to the best of our abilities, that older siblings feel especially loved and special when new babies come along.

Even though it didn't work for us, I think a 5/6 year age gap could be a really positive dynamic.

My Dsis and I are close now.

OP - I have an 8 year old, a 5 year old and a 9 month old and ds3 really completes our family. Ds1 and ds2 are really loving and caring towards him and dh and I are trying to ensure we give all 3 boys individual quality time with each of us to avoid sibling jealousy - I have to admit having 3 children at different stages is tiring and involves a lot of juggling but it is so so worth it.

Slightly different, but I had 3 under 3 (13 month and 22 month age gaps) and am now pregnant with dc4 - age gap will be 3 years 3 months between dc3 and dc4. I worried about it, but wanted another and wasn't ready until now - I think it will be fine, families come in different shapes and sizes. Congratulations :)

hello OP

we have 3 dc ds1- 22 ds2 - 19 and dd - 10.

Now that is a big gap. We have had no major problems but dd does miss ds1 now he is practically never here, but so does ds2 so that's inevitable whatever age, I think.

I have a 5yr gap between mine and they play together and get on well.

Sometimes the older one does remark that we could do more one on one grown up stuff if the younger one wasn't around but I still think it's better than being an only child.

Congratulations OP on your pregnancy btw!

I'm planning a 3rd after a much bigger gap. The way I see it is that they will spend more time as adult siblings than as children and this is the sibling relationship I fell I have really missed out on being an only.

My 3 are 27, 15 and 6 so big gaps all the way along. They all get along really well though (helps that they all love playing computer games!). Was interested in comments above re older siblings possibly resenting younger ones because they are expected to help look after them. We have never expected our older ones to look after the younger ones - that's our responsibility. I hadn't really thought about it before, but maybe that is one of the reasons that they do all get on so well. Only negative is that I'm definitely more tired now (had 3rd when I was 42) and would be nice to have a bit more energy, particularly with a little boy who wants to play football in the garden all the time!

I appreciate all these stories on everyone's experiences of being part of a three child family. I can see that each experience is totally different with different age gaps and ways the parents have handled it.
What I do know that there can be big problems between families with 1 child, 2 children, 3 children and so on. Therefore, I don't think the problem is how many children you have, it's how you handle them and nurture them and their environment. I for one am certainly not put off by these stories, it just makes me certain I'd handle things differently. There's a 4yr gap between my first two DC and they get along really well, you can't generalise at all! ;)
Xx

Mine were 7 and 5 when the third was born and I don't think the gap is too big

I am the eldest of 4, 3 younger brothers. One is only 3 years younger, the next 2 there is big gap. They were born when me and my brother were at senior school. He ended up having to share a bedroom with 2 toddlers so it affected him more than me although it was a huge change in dynamics in the house. I had 2 and had a 3rd and was totally unprepared for the change, shes completely different to the other 2, screams and fights with them. She's very stubborn and demanding. Its getting better but it is much harder with 3 than 2 for me. This is just my experience

Interesting the comments about caring for younger siblings - can I ask if you were paid as if you were a babysitter or if it was just expected?

I'm thinking that in a couple of years, dc1 will be the same age as our babysitter is now. Presumably if we treat dc1 as we do the babysitter (ask if she's free, negotiate payment) that makes it different? Or not?

I done it for nothing and was expected to, i would have done in happily for cash