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newly pregnant with a 5th baby, bit worried
43

devoncreamtea · 10/02/2014 17:49

Hello,

Feel like a bit of a wally for posting....just discovered I am newly pregnant. This will be my 5th child and unplanned. Always wanted 4 and now have 4 fab, wild and lovely children - 11, 6,5,3. Very happy mum, vaguely competent, really love it. Nothing to make me feel 'no way, I can't do it'
Anyway, if I am completely honest the thing that is making me worry is that I can't cope with other people's negative comments and assumptions. I had a bit of that with 4, but expect more with another. I know I shouldn't be bothered and it's my choice etc but it does feel upsetting. I would appreciate some sensible advice and to hear some experiences of 5.

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Bedsheets4knickers · 10/02/2014 18:06

I only have 2 so I can't compare but watt I would say it was completely planned and took longer than you thought. That should shut them up x

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BuntCadger · 10/02/2014 18:11

I understand as one of my sisters no longer speaking to me as we have had a 4th and she sadly couldn't have more than 1. another sister saw fit to tell me her dh thinks all I do is pop out babies like it's a bad thing. (this is the guy who cheats on his wife)

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Madonnaquintessential · 10/02/2014 18:35

I have 1- but plan on more (hence my roaming about on the larger family threads!) I do not understand why people care how many kids others have? If you can love them, nurture and provide for them why does it matter? Seriously I am bemused as to why anyone would get funny about it? Am I naively missin something ?

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devoncreamtea · 10/02/2014 20:14

Thanks for responses everyone!

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4athomeand1cooking · 10/02/2014 20:36

I have 5, Youngest is 5 weeks and my others have the same ages as yours.

Like you I had negative comments with 4 but oddly did not experience them with 5. I think the jump from 3 to 4 take you out of the "normal" 2 to 3 children family which leads to the comments. Once we hit 5 I don't think people were surprised anymore.

I had a few comments from the post natal hospital staff such as "we really need to talk about contraception!" I very politely told them that number 5 was planned (he wasn't) and I was very capable of making contraception choices.

Do not feel for one minute that you have to justify yourself to anyone. Everyone that knows me, knows how much I like the hustle and bustle of a large family.

And I always keep a few snidey comments for the people at the school gates who feel able to comment. Like one Mum who very snobbishly asked me how I justified having a 4th to my other children and said "I don't know how anyone can possibly cope with more than two" at which point I looked at her two children whilst saying "I can understand some people feel that way but honestly my children are so well mannered I feel quite able to cope". I loved watching her face as the penny dropped.

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MissSmiley · 10/02/2014 20:48

Hi congratulations on your pregnancy. We have five. 11, 8, 6, 6, 3. Our last one was a surprise after 9 rounds of IVF and 12 years of no contraception! It took a bit of getting used to but we were over the moon. I agree it's the comments that people make that astound me, only on Saturday when I was buying running shoes did the guy in the shop say to me "you don't look like you've got 5 kids!" What is that supposed to mean? I'm 41 slim(ish) all my own teeth and hair! I don't know what they think we should look like? At my age they could have all moved out and have their own families.

Anyway, you'll be fine. It's no harder than 4 and loads of fun. Enjoy every moment.

I like your comment about them all being really well behaved. People can be so rude.

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devoncreamtea · 10/02/2014 22:23

Thank you miss smiley and 4athome lovely to hear your experiences! Still in the 'how did this happen?' ??? phase...but you are right that 1 extra little person to love is pretty awesome. The washing though! I may just dispense with wardrobes and just keep the clean clothes in a pile on my bed permanently...

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NAR4 · 11/02/2014 14:03

I have 5 and get comments such as you need a TV or you must be bonkers. I just reply that when you make children as wonderful as mine, it would have been an injustice to society to only have 2.

Don't get many negative comments really.

Congratulations.

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AMummyFromNotts · 12/02/2014 09:29

No offence but how can you have an unplanned pregnancy after 4 children ,surely you realise by now.
And you should tell people clearly the truth that you wanted more as it clearly obvious you do and did because you would of took all the precautions to prevent any more pregnancies if you really didn't .
It not really anyone business how many children you have and for people to take there time out to even bother asks make them pretty sad tbh,you couldn't of been that worried about peoples opinions otherwise like I said you would of completely prevented it .

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HappyHippyChick · 12/02/2014 09:47

I have also found myself unexpectedly pregnant with no. 5. Am 23 weeks now and haven't had any negative comments at all.

I think this is because my first 4 were all boys and people just couldn't believe we were happy with all boys and must want to try again for a girl!

I am always astounded that people feel it's ok to make negative comments, I was always taught - if you can't say something nice, say nothing Confused. I would use one of the marvellous come backs above and just ignore the ignorant bastards!

Congratulations OP, it will be lovely !

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QueenofKelsingra · 12/02/2014 09:50

it is no-one elses business how many children you have assuming you have the means to support them.

If you are worried about it I would suggest pre-empting people 'great news! I'm pregnant! we're so excited to be having another one!' - this doesn't really leave much room for them to be negative without sounding like a total bitch!

congratulations by the way!

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HappyHippyChick · 12/02/2014 09:53

No method of contraception is 100% foolproof mummyfromnotts even a sucessful vasectomy can spontaneously reconnect (although this is very rare). Your comments are not helpful.

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emark · 12/02/2014 10:00

Hi and congratulations
we are in exactly the same position! have 4 already 10, 8, 6 and 4, recently (2wks ago) discovered unplanned pregnant again 14weeks.

having exact same panics about snide or negative comments, still getting used tonite ourselves so have decided not to let anyone know yet hopefully til 6mths+!!
at least the dreadful weather lets you hide in thick coats

Good luck take care of yourselfSmile

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devoncreamtea · 13/02/2014 17:08

Thanks all! Great to hear from you - take care x

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ZingSweetApple · 13/02/2014 17:36

for stupid comments my responses vary from "no, I'm not mad, my mother had me testedGrin " through "that's quite rude actually" to just shrugging my shoulders and doing a Confused face.

we have 6 children and #7 is due in July, just begore DS1's 13th birthday.

what practical help do you need exactly?

my general prediction is that you will be fine! Congratulations!Smile Thanks

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devoncreamtea · 15/02/2014 08:35

Thank you zing! Getting my head round it now....just!!

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ImBrian · 16/02/2014 07:58

Ive just found out im expecting number 5 as well :) Im keeping quiet for as long as possible as I cant be bothered with the comments.

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ThinkIMmad · 16/02/2014 10:12

I have 4 and like you feel 4 is a good number i didnt really have any negative comments well not to my face anyway just the odd jokey comment and have since had little jokey comments asking if im pregnant again yet.

If you are happy about having another child and you know you can handle another child then you dont have explain yourself to anyone

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Shellywelly1973 · 19/02/2014 18:28

I've just had dc6...16 days ago.

She was planned but things that happened during my pregnancy were unreal & I became a single parent just before Christmas.

But- we're fine. We all adore out newest addition. Don't stress too much. Most certainly don't worry about people's comments.

Best of luck.

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ZingSweetApple · 19/02/2014 20:26

congrats on new baby Shelley!Thanks

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devoncreamtea · 23/02/2014 02:19

Wow shelley congratulations! Thank you for taking the time to respond to my moaning. Take care x

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TerrifiedMothertobe · 03/03/2014 12:40

I am one of 4 and loved having so many siblings. I now have two boys and am in awe of my parents and those with big families. I have a friend with 4 under 4' one with 5 (9-20) and another with 4. I think you are amazing. you have incredible patience and have obviously the golden touch to bring up children. don't take offence when people yell you your mad! They may mean it in the nicest way! Congrats on your pregnancy!

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MrsExtraOrdinary · 04/03/2014 22:21

I'm another with 5 of my own although I do have dsc too! I love it! We are ttc 6. There's 16 years top to bottom. I'm so glad to hear that I'm not the only one who feels the dread of onlookers comments. Each child is special they are all different and I'm sure your number 5 will be very loved by its siblings.

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Greenrememberedhills · 04/03/2014 22:25

I have five, of whom the three youngest are teens. I'm not dead yet!!

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Greenrememberedhills · 04/03/2014 22:29

Ps people's comments are about them and their lives, not you. We all get them. Mainly from people who chose small families.

I'm always shocked at people believing that my large family costs them. It never has done, in fact the reverse, given my DH and I and both our two older kids are paying fairly substantial taxes.

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