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Original poster

How many of you have 4+ children and a career? Does one exclude the other?

30 replies

allyfe · 29/11/2013 14:41

This is in no way a judgy question. I'm asking because we currently have 2 Dcs, but are thinking about having another. There are twins in my family, I'm over 40, and so twins are a very real prospect if I get pregnant again. I have just been looking at some of the posts, and although I know lots of you have more than 4, I also spotted that quite a few are SAHMs, and I just wondered if 4 (they would be 6, 4 & 0) would make a career (I work 4 days a week) totally unrealistic. We couldn't afford for me to stay at home (I earn the biggest salary & OH is self-employed, so less reliable income). With a 3 & 4 year old, it is just starting to feel like I can have time for both of them. Any thoughts would be gratefully received. Thanks!

OP posts:

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comemulledwinewithmoi · 29/11/2013 21:46

I hope so... I have 4 and planning to retrain as a midwife.

CrispyFB · 01/12/2013 21:01

I hope so too! I am a few months off DC4's arrival and once she is a few years old I'm planning on returning to my software engineering career in some form. The oldest DC will all be at school by that point - 7.5 years between oldest and youngest.

I have heard of plenty of women who manage it! I will go a bit mad if I don't.. it's already been five years since I was last in an office.

Original poster

allyfe · 01/12/2013 22:27

Great! I couldn't be at home ALL the time. It just wouldn't work for me (no pun intended). Anyone else?

OP posts:

beachesandbuckets · 01/12/2013 22:54

I have 2 dcs (5 and 3) and recently had twins. I am taking 9 mths off, and returning to work as solicitor (not a very well paid one) as am main breadwinner. Will let you know how I get on!

Philoslothy · 01/12/2013 22:58

I have four of my own plus a stepson and am expecting number five .

I a not the main breadwinner but earn a decent income teaching, however I am not sure I can continue when baby 5 comes along.

NorthernShores · 01/12/2013 23:05

Depends how much you earn I guess. Have you added up the cost of childcare locally and worked it out? We only have two but childcare works out too expensive for us both to work and is a major reason we're not having a third.

Shellywelly1973 · 02/12/2013 01:33

I have a 'career' & im expecting dc6 in 8 weeks time.

I've made huge sacrifices but mainly due to 2 of my ds's having SNs. I work from home & im self employed. So I get all the work but rarely the good bits about working.

Its been a mental weekend so im still up doing stuff I need for tomorrow morning. If we didn't need the money I wouldn't bother working. Im exhausted... its bull shit you really can't have it all!!

TheZeeTeam · 02/12/2013 01:50

Not at all. In fact, where I live, 4 children is a very normal number with both parents working full time and very successfully.

We have 4 and I like staying at home, but that's solely our family choice as opposed to be because it would have been impossible. Obviously, the biggest obstruction is the sheer cost of child care.

Original poster

allyfe · 02/12/2013 12:45

Thanks all. Childcare costs are insane, but we would time it so two were in school. Beaches I would love to hear how you go. Did you plan one extra, or were you always thinking about four and just got two at once? I quite like the idea of working 3 days a week, but I think that it probably wouldn't work, either financially or career-wise. Shelly hope you got some good sleep eventually.

OP posts:

MsIngaFewmarbles · 02/12/2013 12:50

I have 4 DC 11 and under and am in my 2nd year of a midwifery degree. The bursary is nowhere near a salary level and we manage so I'm sure a paying job would be doable :)

Good luck.

Original poster

allyfe · 02/12/2013 13:28

One other question, are you all really organised? I'm hoping the answer will be no, because I'm not. But if you are, it would be useful to know that I might have to consider that as a necessity for successful balancing!

OP posts:

beachesandbuckets · 02/12/2013 14:18

Planned for a third dc to 'tag along with the others', got twins. Definitely not planned!! I work 3 days a week and it works fine with my career, definitely not a hinderence. Both mine will be in school by the time I go back to work so that will be a tad easier on the finances. BUT sorry Allyfe I am EXTREMELY well organised, always have been and vital now - especially between 6.30 and 9am getting kids up, dressed, breakfast, out, to school and pre school, with baby twins in tow. If you aren't organised, you may as well throw your body to the lions!! Sorry to be blunt. X

Gorja · 02/12/2013 14:21

I have four and work full time (plus overtime) as a nurse so lots of shifts.
DH works part time three days a week.

We muddle through by not working the same shifts and not seeing much of each other. It's hard but doable!

MsIngaFewmarbles · 02/12/2013 14:24

Nope horribly disorganised here! DH does a lot of the house nd dc stuff as he works from home at the moment.

I think it can be done but you have to have a really equal partnership where DH/P does their fair share and doesn't just 'help you out' IYSWIM

Original poster

allyfe · 02/12/2013 14:42

Beaches - honesty is appreciated :) The idea of twins does terrify me. But I would imagine that it is the same for most parents. And MsInga - hurrah! Very glad to have a disorganised voice into the mix. What I do have is an equal partnership with DH. We are both able to work quite flexibly and that is how we manage. However we are both disorganised.

Thanks so much for all your replies everyone. It is really helpful to get an idea of how other people work/organise (or not) and cope. Things are great at the moment, and I want to have an idea how to keep things working and my sanity (and hopefully my career). I would say though, it would be less of a career but that is totally fine. As long as it doesn't dissolve totally.

OP posts:

Dilligufdarling · 02/12/2013 18:51

If you're the main breadwinner would it work better for your DH to become a sahd?
If he's self employed could he maybe run a reduced version of his business from home?

HorsePetal · 02/12/2013 19:04

I did it - I have DC's

They are all teenagers now but at one point we had 4 under the age of 6 (we have twins too)

I gave up a career in finance to launch my own business as it meant I could work from home.

That was 10 years ago and I'm still doing it. I'm not the main breadwinner though!

HorsePetal · 02/12/2013 19:05

Sorry - post was supposed to say 4 DCs!

Stripytee · 02/12/2013 19:41

On maternity leave with dc4, and going back to work in a few months, 3 days a week. Also a solicitor, not massively well paid either but enough that we wouldn't be able to get by without it... Dh works really hard and long hours so I have to do most of home organisation as well, a bit dreading going back to work, esp organising childcare

NAR4 · 03/12/2013 21:34

I worked part time, during the day as a special needs teacher and evenings as a youth worker, until I had dc5. I am currently on maternity leave. I am returning to my youth work job next week but have given the other one up.

Personally I would feel I missed my children growing up, if I had worked full time. Childcare costs too much for me to return to my day job and for the evening job I leave when my dh gets home from work.

I have far too much housework, washing and cooking now to hold down a full time job as well, without killing myself with exhaustion. I was self employed when I had my first 3 but part time employed by the time I had dc4 and full time would of felt too much by then. As it was I was sometimes just struggling through to each school holiday. I needed them just to let my feet hit the ground again.

Do what you enjoy but don't run yourself ragged in the process.

jellybeans · 05/12/2013 14:51

I am a SAHM of 5 but study 16 hrs a week. My number 3 was twins too! I think it is possible although most people I know with more than 3 are SAHM or very part time. My husband's job is dreadful shifts that change non stop so it is easier for me to be at home. Plus it is all the organisation that comes with having so many especially when they are older doing GCSEs, remembering school events and costumes, ferrying them to clubs after school etc. I admire people who can juggle it all!

Blueberrypots · 05/12/2013 21:03

I work full time in a senior management job and so does dh and we have 4. I did some part-time working and extended maternity leave when they were 4 under 4, but have been back full time a while now. Doable but we have a very flexible employer, both work from home regularly and do equal share. it's hectic but doable!!!

ZingSweetPea · 05/12/2013 22:45

I'm Hungarian, DH is English and soon as I decided to marry him I knew that I would never have a career of any kind in England as my Hungarian qualifications and degree were useless here.

I knew I could always get a job, but I never was career-oriented so it made sense to stay England, rather than move to Hungary.
I mean we wanted at least four children - I'd be on maternity leave for years anyway, but no idea what job DH could have had in Hungary to support us!

I guess if I had been English and/or with a transferable degree or a career person things would be different.
as it happened, circumstances made it easy to decide what to do.
I'm a SAHM with #7 on the way and DH has a great job which pays the bills.
and we are happy with the way things worked out!

ZombiePenguin · 10/12/2013 23:09

Kind of. I work full time- have four DC living with me (two DSDs, who live here full time). It can be a juggle, but we are fairly equal together and we make it work.

LoveAndDeath · 10/12/2013 23:37

I work 4 days a week and did have five but sadly dc5 died as a baby. So I have four here to take care of.
Working in itself is not a problem but I have had to make sacrifices. If I didn't have dcs I could have a better paid job, and I could do a Masters or PhD which would help. But I am glad I kept working.

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