Hi All,
My first thread. See how this goes... this is going to be long...
My DP and I have 6 DC's between us, 3 each ages 5, 5, 7, 8, 11, 15. My 3 DDS are with us half the week, which includes every weekend. I love my big family, we all do. We are always busy, flat out. I work full time mon to fri 9-5, DP works 6 days a week doing 2 jobs which includes weekends. I volunteer once a week for an hour on a Wednesday and I have a sports activity one evening, DP's girls have activities 4 days, my dds have clubs at the weekend.....it all fits, but we are busy. when we do have a bit of spare time to ourselves, DP and I like to spent it together.
I do feel my family, ie, parents and sibling are not understanding of how busy I am these days. I have always been a very sociable person, I have lots of friends and spent a lot of time with them my parents and sibling. They helped me enormously over the years with my house restoration and childcare and then supported me through my separation from ex, and I am forever grateful. They had a key to my house and would come and go, turning up whenever. Ex either didn't mind or didn't protest... but if I am honest, it did bug her, but I was choosing the path of least resistance, which I now understand was wrong. They also nag the hell out of me... and co-parented my children when I was on my own.
Since DP moved in I have had to put in a few boundaries with them... don't let yourselves in, let me know in advance when you are coming round and ask if its ok rather than just turning up... that's all... I don't think I am asking the world... I have tried to explain that it's not just my home now and we are so busy that we need a bit of notice. I want to avoid them popping in when I am just going out the door...
So, the response I get is, 'you have changed', 'it was alright when you needed our help, you wanted us then', 'we don't feel like we can come round anymore, we are not welcome', 'that's not what normal families are like, we should just be able to turn up if passing'.... and many other similar comments that make me feel like their love and support was conditional and they much preferred it when they has more influence on me, my children and my life.
I haven't changed, my situation has changed. I am not a different person, it's just things are different now. I have owned everything, but I think they feel DP has put me up to it... she hasn't. She's given me a backbone, I have grown up and I am my own person, but they are struggling to come to terms with the changes... and not seeing me and my DDS as much.
I would love to have more time for them...
Am I being selfish? do I owe them?
anyone else with similar experiences?