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Original poster

shocked to find im pregnant with no 4 - not sure what to do :(

13 replies

3kidslou · 02/09/2013 12:06

Feel soo stupid, did the test in Sainsbury's yesterday morning just to put my mind at rest, or so I thought. Needless to say I nearly threw up when I saw that bright blue line. My life is good at the moment I have a 3 7 and 9 yr old. No buggies nappy's etc, we have just moved on to a farm where I have a horse, i finally have a little freedom. We only rent our house its 3 bedroomed so we fit in nicely and really were not in a financial position to have anymore. My husband really doesn't want another and I don't think I do but im really struggling with the thought of a termination. I'm only five weeks but im unsure whether the guilt is going to haunt me forever, am I ever going to be able to look at a baby again. The thought of having a 4th fills me with fear and I struggle to cope as it is. I really don't know what to do, I cant believe I was stupid enough to let this happen, although im not quite sure how it did?. I know its awful but i think a termination would be best for everybody but really don't no how it will affect me in the long run..help!

OP posts:
mrsnegative · 02/09/2013 12:51

Hi,

You must be terrified. Firstly try to relax (easier said than done, I know!).
The thought of something is nearly always worse than the reality. I think if you had four children you would be absolutely fine.

I've been in the "should I terminate?" Situation before, but I knew I'd regret it and it would affect me forever. I have a bit of a guilt complex! Although at only 5 weeks, if you do go ahead with it, at least it's still extremely early iykwim?

You only live once, and remember how fast they all grow so you'd be able to horse ride etc again sooner than you think.

Hope you're ok, have some sweet Brew

burberryqueen · 02/09/2013 12:57

honestly i think you might regret a termination over time

SoonToBeSix · 02/09/2013 13:01

You will be fine , the fact that your other dc are a bit older will make it easier. I honestly think if you have doubts about a termination now you will feel a lot worse if you go ahead with it.

MultipleMama · 03/09/2013 02:27

I think you need to sit down, relax and have the conversation with DH and discuss your options. Right now you're panicking and that's not a good state to be in to make that big of a decision.

If in the end, a termination is your only option, I'd do it early becoming attached would make it harder on you when the time comes. If not termination, how about adoption (the better scenario of the two in my opinion)? Just putting the idea out there.

Seriously though, talk to your DH and your Doctor. Let it sink in and then decide.

LadyMetroland · 04/09/2013 21:18

by the time your baby is born, your youngest will presumably be 4 or nearly 4. Plenty old enough to help out, not be jealous, and hopefully at preschool or similar - thus leaving you time to bond with the baby. Your older children will adore having a baby to play with and although some things will be tough (school run springs to mind!) you'll get through it.

I know what you're going through as I felt like this when accidentally got pg with dc3 but it has worked out and I can't imagine not having my baby boy.

lkpink · 19/09/2013 12:02

Well wasn't sure whether to post but I thought anybody in the same situation should read this. I swapped any change my mind a lot over a space of two weeks, at a time when I was thinking of keeping the baby I told my mum, she reeled off all the negatives- id be going back 10yrs, its not fair on the children I have, supposing I had a disabled child, money, work, my life, holidays - the list goes on. So this terrified me and I decided to do what I THOUGHT was right so I went on autopilot, and I don't know how I did it or what I was thinking and went and had a medical abortion last Friday.
Its been the worst biggest mistake of my life, I went in did it fine, woke up on Saturday with a heavy heart as the days have gone the guilt and regret is killing me, I just don't know how I did it - what was I thinking - I really don't know, im not the kind of person who would do that. All I can think about is wanting my baby back. I've gone from being horrified to find I was pregnant to being desperate for a baby, I haven't a clue what's going on with me??? xx

lkpink · 19/09/2013 12:56

I originally posted this btw - 3kidslou

PyjamasNotBananas · 20/09/2013 20:50

lkpink so sorry to hear how sad and full of regret you feel.

Please please don't hate yourself. This is such a difficult time for you and your hormones and feelings are still settling down.

I had an abortion 11 years ago when I was 7 weeks pregnant. I was stupid and let something happen at a ridiculously young age and I felt it best to have a termination.

I felt everything you do now. I felt like I was evil, like I didn't know myself anymore. How could I ever be a good person and yet have done something so terrible? All I wanted to do was be pregnant and hold my baby. Of course you're going to feel this way. The truth is, you really would be a horrible person if you didn't feel it to some extent.

11 years on and I can tell you it has got easier. Not that I still don't feel pangs of guilt. I still can't quite believe that girl was me. Sensible, level headed me, but it was. It was a horrible time. You must learn to forgive yourself. You have done what you believe to be best for your children and yourself in the long run. Please try and move on.

I now know that the child I was carrying was not meant to be. I wasn't meant to be a mother until I later had my DS1 7 years later. The abortion was the best thing I could have done in those circumstances and I don't regret it anymore. (I DO regret not using protection in the first place and I can't believe what an utterly stupid cow I was) but I know it's all in the past and I have moved on and given my 2 children the lifestyle and care that the first baby could never have had from me.

Please be kind to yourself. Keep loving the children you have and you will come out of this I promise. I really do feel for you. Please take care and if you need to talk to someone there are counsellors and organisations who can help xxxxx

lkpink · 21/09/2013 18:34

Thanku, makes me feel better knowing these feelings are normal, im trying really hard to focus on my children, its hard as its a constant reminder, thanku for your kind words xx

PyjamasNotBananas · 24/09/2013 18:16

Yes it must be a constant reminder and in a way it was easier for me because I didn't have children at the time but the bottom line is that it will get better. You won't always feel quite so sad and terrible. You aren't a bad person. You did what you thought was for the best. You will soon feel a bit more like yourself. One day at a time xxxx

Rooners · 24/09/2013 18:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rooners · 24/09/2013 18:24

Oh GOD I am so sorry, will ask for my post to be removed - I stupidly didn;t readt the whole thread, my mistake.

I am really sorry. Honestly I am. Thinking very much of you, you poor thing. xxxxx

OrangeFizz99 · 30/09/2013 20:12

Google atonement baby for more information - it's a very normal reaction. I have felt it too after my termination with no 3. Thinking of you. Xxx

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