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Original poster

Are you struggling to make a decision whether to have more kids or stop?

10 replies

ZingWidge · 05/08/2013 10:19

we are. I'd like more children, DH doesn't.
It would make sense to stop, after all 6 children is a lot, but I'm longing to have more.

I don't feel finished or that our family is complete.
I can't bear the thought of never being pg or giving birth or bf again.
(I did have a MC after DS4 so I also wonder if I will ever feel complete - that's another problem anyway.)

I'd like to decide together to go for it and I'm hoping he'll change his mind, but I don't think he will and that makes me very sad & unhappy.

Chances are I'd get pg straight away, so TTC is not a worry. I'm just turning 39, we could afford more etc.
the only thing is that we are both very tired.
6 children are demanding physically, mentally, financially, they need time and energy and he's mainly worried about these things...and I agree, he is right in every aspect, but I don't think another baby would make such a difference actually. (does that even make sense?)

I don't know if I should agree to give up or how I could ever be fine saying we are done.
if I couldn't get pg that would be fine.but at least I'd like to try.
It's the thought of deciding to give up, saying no more that makes me feel ill.Sad

have you ever felt like this? after how many kids?
what happened next? what did you decide to do?
(and have you regretted your decision?)

I feel so alone with this problem, please tell me I'm not the only one...

OP posts:
annelid · 06/08/2013 22:49

I do feel some of what you have written about. I really didn't feel 'done', will I ever? I had 6 children and then had no.7 last year, with a 7 year gap. My children range from 17 down to 7 months. It is busy, hectic, but I like it like that. I don't work, my children are my life, its what I do. Some people have a career as a doctor, supermarket worker, secretary, etc etc.... for me being a Mum is my thing. My DH was supportive, it needed to be a joint decision.

I'm not sure whats next....another baby possibly, but not too soon. really don't know.

Not sure if any of that helped. I don't reply a lot to threads because I find it hard to put own in words what I want to say without offending/seeming naive etc.

Original poster
ZingWidge · 06/08/2013 22:54

anne thanks for reply!

I'm so glad to read that you were hesitant but went for it!

OP posts:
imip · 07/08/2013 10:08

Yes, I do feel the need for more children. I always wanted four children and when I was pregnant with my fourth (4th section) I also decided to get sterilised. I had 'achieved' my goal and I didn't want to worry about contraception ever again and I knew for all the reasons you outlined op, that I couldn't cope with anymore children. I had also turned 40, experienced infertility and stillbirth and had been playing this ttc, having babies game for a long time. It was time to retire!

But I still yearn for more children, I am surprised that I am not 'satisfied' that I have four. Of course I would love to get pregnant again and I could be one of those in a 100 whose sterilisation fails. But I am just focussing on my four now. Dd4 is 18 months and I was always pregnant by now,so it would be a big gap, want to get my life back etc etc.

Exploring what you have said in your op, I do feel that in a way the loss of my first daughter influences how I feel. Perhaps I feel that being pregnant makes me feel less sad for losing her. But of course I know I cannot replace her. I have come to terms with what happened and my 4dds know about her and talk about her. I know now that this is just how I will always feel. Nothing wrong with that. I will be the crazy lady that always approaches women with newborns in the supermarket in the future!

Ps, I don't regret my sterilisation, it is just that I would still like more children, not just babies....

MaryKatharine · 07/08/2013 14:31

I have 4 and I would have loved to have had more but I also have lots to be thankful for as we didn't start trying until I was 35. I'm 44 now and I just feel too old to have any more. I think I regret not starting earlier more than anything. I also wonder if the MCs I've had and the teenage abortion mean that it is those babies I am yearning for (the abortion has traumatised me and I regret it every day despite the fact that having it meant I could still go to uni) so maybe I would never be done if that makes sense. If you think not having another will drive a wedge between you and your DH you need to discuss that. But also be prepared to listen to his reasons carefully.

But in our case it would be madness as our youngest has some additional needs and DH works away a lot. Plus we have no living family on either side. So all in all I count my blessings. Smile

5madthings · 07/08/2013 14:38

I have five and am trying to ignore my broodyness, dp doesn't want anymore but is not definite enough in that decision to get the snip.

Sorry I am not much help, my youngest is 2.5 and just potty training at the no, after 14years of nappies it feels like the end of an era, I should be pleased and actually I feel a bit sad :( slaps self with a kipper Blush

5madthings · 07/08/2013 14:39

Oh I am 34 and dp is 36, we got pref each time very easily, easy preg and births etc.

littlepeas · 07/08/2013 16:14

We've just decided to go for a 4th, which will definitely be the last, and it has been a long, drawn out decision! We've been discussing it since we had dc3 2 years ago! It is very hard when you don't feel done - I am hopeful that I will feel done after a 4th as it is the most I've ever thought of having! Def has to be the last regardless, as I'd already be pushing it with a 4th section.

Original poster
ZingWidge · 07/08/2013 19:45

thanks for replies.

I have been struggling with this for months - but had an MMR jab in May which meant I wasn't allowed to get pg for 3 months.
that time has now elapsed, which is why all these feelings have come back with a vengeance.

we had a talk on Monday night and I don't know what happened or what I said, but last night he dropped a bombshell that he changed his mind and if I really really want more children he is ok with it! he is not mad about it, but it's in his heart to go for it!

I am so shocked! we definitely need to talk about this more, but it looks like we'll be going for Baby number 7 soon!Smile

OP posts:
NAR4 · 11/08/2013 14:34

Hope you have an easy pregnancy and really pleased for you (and a bit jealous) that your dh agreed.

MultipleMama · 19/08/2013 18:07

Same here. I am only 23 and have many years of child bearing yet and DH is 29 tomorrow. We both want more kids and have always said we'll stop when we are either too old or unable to provide financally (can't spell today!). We have 4 beautiful children under 5 and currently PG with #5 & #6. We still feel strongly at having more but are going to wait until our 2 year old starts school to discuss it again.

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