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2 to 3 what about financial problems??
14

bumbleandbumble · 15/07/2013 21:42

I am desperate for a third child but husband keeps saying no due to financial concerns. I agree we have a lot of debt and not in a brilliant position, but I keep thinking another child will not be so terrible...I mean we already have all the clothes and equipment...

what do you think. how much of a strain is it to go from 2 to 3 children?

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Mumof2beautys · 16/07/2013 11:06

This might be helpful ... Not what you want to hear but the truth.. I have two babies and my brother has three.. General things like food etc wont be too much more but it's things like going out anywhere ... Entry to most places be it theme parks the zoo etc do do family deals but there always for 2adults 2children.. To be honest they rarely go out because its so expensive.. I would like another too but I'm in exactly the same position... Things are just too expensive now.. But if you don't mind free trips to the park instead of the pleasure beach then I say go for it.. You already have clothes etc like you said..
Good luck anyway..

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FruitSaladIsNotPudding · 16/07/2013 11:09

Honestly? Children are expensive. I don't get this "it'll be fine" philosophy.

I think you have to be borderline rich to afford a large (ie more than two) family. I say this as someone desperate to have a third. Although I guess it depends a lot where you live - we are in the se so housing costs are very high.

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4athomeand1cooking · 17/07/2013 21:23

Having young children is not a problem. Like you say most of the stuff is there and they are easy to occupy. You can use reusables instead of nappies etc,

However, once they start to get towards school age, they need more things. Constant uniforms, school trips, clubs etc. Then towards teenage years it is laptops for school, phones, designer clothes, money for going out with friends etc. Of course you can deny them some of these things but personally I never wanted to be in this situation due to financial stress.

So when child planning I would say you need to consider where you will be in 10 - 15 years time, not just the baby stages.

If you can lower your debts within 3-4 years and look beyond that as more financially secure then I say go for it!

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littlepeas · 18/07/2013 17:59

Also probably not what you want to hear - I have found the jump from 2 - 3 fairly significant financially. My dh just about earns 6 figures, i am sahm, we have some debt but a small mortgage and usually have nothing left at the end of the month - we don't spend particularly excessively, I budget carefully, both dh and I have clothes with holes in we are still wearing......we have a nice lifestyle - uk holidays and I can stay at home with dc - but we have to be careful. I'd like a 4th, but have to accept we can't afford it - 3 is a stretch and on paper I guess we look relatively well off.

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workingonitagain · 18/07/2013 21:36

hi littlepeas im sorry if I seem very nosy but I keep thinking it over and over again and still can not imagine how you are "just fine" from a 6 figure salary. im only saying that as I am just like you a stay at home mum however we have a huge mortgage and car payment and my dp earns around 85K and we can still have a very privileged life and what I mean by that, I don't have to worry about having lunch out with the boys during the week and we can always eat out at the weekend and can shop in waitrose if I want to. how old are your dc? the only difference I can assume, would be is Im only just pregnant with dc3 but still can't see how much more a third child could eat or how much his extra clothing and nappy could cost. as I said Im sorry if I sounded very nosy but I guess it's just a subject that we'd probably not be having if we met in a playgroup Smile so always interesting to chat about

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littlepeas · 19/07/2013 10:53

My dh's basic wage us £80k and then he gets an annual bonus - on average about £30k, but it has been more and less than that. We have fairly significant debt, which we are working to pay off - once it's gone we'll be a lot better off. Also, I had my dc in my 20's, so we've had to manage on one salary for quite a while - if we'd have waited till I'd established a career more we'd undoubtedly be better off. I think perspective comes into it too, as many of our friends are very wealthy, so we feel poor by comparison! We are by no means skint, but we do have to keep an eye on things.

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workingonitagain · 19/07/2013 21:02

thanks for that I understand now. my dp's salary is works through a bonus scheme every 3 month and it's not rare that we have to dip into our overdraft by the end of the 3 month. dp is a real spender in our house so I always have to keep an eye on him so we don't get into trouble which is funny considering he works in finance Smile

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Maryann1975 · 20/07/2013 11:05

Hi, we are no where near earning a 6 figure salary.... Maybe we would be close to earning 6 figures over 3 years, but I don't think that counts. We manage on our income with three children. We have a mortgage, don't eat out very often (special occasions only) but do have a holiday each year. Sometimes we afford to save a little. The jump to three for us has meant that we can no longer afford to go on impromptu days out to farms, places with entrance fees and if we do go, we take a picnic. We don't go for coffee. Staying in a hotel is pretty much out of the question as rooms are for 4. For 5 you need to pay for an extra room.
But we manage and the children get a lot from having each other, you can't put a price on that.

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PaleHousewifeOfCumbriaCounty · 20/07/2013 11:10

Haha three kids here on 30k a year! Im a sahm, dh fulltime. Granted we live oop north where a mortgage is cheaper than rent but its easy if you think about where cash is going. Off on our second holiday of the year soon so it cant be all doom and gloom.

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FruitSaladIsNotPudding · 20/07/2013 12:00

So much depends on where you live. If you live in se you're not going to get 3 beds for much less than £1000 a month. Add train fair to London onto that and I think it's fair to say you couldn't live on 30k a year with 3 kids, no matter how careful you are with money.

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forevergreek · 06/08/2013 10:50

We couldnt afford to have 3 hence stopped at 2. We live in London though so £25k just on rent! ( one bed flat)
Add commuting, general higher living, utilities, high childcare. We currently have a good income but that's with x2 parents working. Childcare works with combination of working from home, 5 days into 4 long ones , and a few days nursery. Dh and myself work well together and have equal childcare between us.

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ShoeWhore · 06/08/2013 11:00

We are far from rich but not totally poverty stricken either and we manage fine with 3. Yes there are some things we do less perhaps than if we had 2 dcs but it is a case of do it less rather than never.

Things are more expensive - once they get bigger the food bill is significant and obv stuff like extra curricular activities are expensive. Days out not always more - often a family ticket will include up to 3 or even 4 dcs.

Having said that they share lots of toys and we pass down clothes (mine are all boys which helps)

I think there is a real difference between genuine can't afford to feed and clothe and having to think a bit more about taking a packed lunch!

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TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos · 12/08/2013 13:46

The increased entry cost to attractions hasn't really kicked in yet (DCs 6, 4, 2 and 8 weeks). We have benefited a lot from passed-on clothes and equipment, especially in the early days. A lot of clothes can be reused and I charity shop and bargain hunt on Ebay. I agree, school and extra-curricular seem to be increasingly frequent and are always badly timed. We are (trying) to look ahead and make realistic provision for things like University, but we have debts (including a car loan for a bigger car). I am uncertan of my Husband's exact pay packet (he is a contractor and it a varies a lot) but he resonably well paid. I am a SAHM.

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ringaringarosy · 13/08/2013 23:58

It just depends,everythings relative,but at the same time,you can either afford it or you cant!

Its when they get older it becomes more expensive,days out,holidays,eating out,with more than 2 kids it can cost a lot.It just depends on whether those things are things you want to do a lot.

I like doing those things a lot and we can afford to with 4,we have another on the way and money isnt something ive thought about as i know we can afford it.If we couldnt then i would have to rethink things,i dont want having more children affect the ones ive already got and alsp the enjoyment of mine and dhs life,i like going out for meals and going on holiday and buying the kids nice clothes and buying nice food.

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