Crazy for wanting 8 young and losing friends?

[MultipleMama]

I'm only 23 so have plenty of time to decide. I have 4 beautiful dc and expecting 2nd set of twins in Dec making total count 6.

Told some friends about my thoughts/plans and they think I'm mad and selling my life short and wasting my "care-free" years. Some of my friends are still in Uni and binging on weekends, only 2 stuck around when I got married and PG. I do make an effort to hang out with them alone without one of dc but sometimes I bring them along and it's like they're embarrassed.

Have you lost friends because of having dc?

These thoughts only popped up because a friend spotted me on maternity ward and was "oh again?" Then rushed off, I then got a text from a friend cancelling our night out (meal then bar).

I'm frustrated and annoyed. Yes, I have a family but I still make time for friends and be there for them.

Sorry for the rant just feeling exhausted and emotional.I don't need added stress so unsure whether to confront them or ignore or stop being friends... god, I sound like a child. Going to go nap before I regret posting this...

It might not be to do with the number of children. I lost a really good friend (so i thought) when I had my first baby in my 30s.

I don't think it number of dc either, maybe it's me changing and not them, never thought of that.

Freddie I have reported you for troll-hunting.

I think there are 2 different questions in your title. The 'am I crazy for wanting 8 children?' is a question that sits on it's own. Wouldn't be many people's choice, but that doesn't necessarily make you crazy, just a minority! . I think as other people have said though, there's a lot to think about , and to talk about with your current free childcare arrangements - not many people would choose to be responsible for 8 youngsters. Then there's all the practical things such as transporting them places and where they all sleep, and how you afford all the things that come with growing children. It's harder when there are twins involved too, as you have to pay for things at the same time, and there's no 'hand me downs' or clothes of equipment for stuff they want to do.

The 'losing friends' bit is a different question. IME, friendships evolve over time, usually through you having the same interests / lifestyles at the time. As insanityscratching says ^ what you have chosen to do is so far removed from many others of your age, it's probable that your friends will drift away, persuing their own interests and lifestyles. What you need to do is find others whose life revolves around small children. No reason to "confront" anyone - it's up to us all if we want to live the lifestyle we choose, or to be constantly changing things to fit in with someone else whose chosen another path.

Annie - I have already reported my post and am leaving the thread.

Looking at it from the other end and other side of it all, I reckon you'll find your friendships will come back 'into phase' in a few years time.

I went to uni, whereas none of my friends did, most of them were married & starting families while I was out getting pissed studying hard. I felt quite rejected at some points, but honestly, I just didn't have much in common with them & what they were doing, whereas they were all experiencing the same things.

Move on a few years, I was working, had a partner and thinking about starting a family, and suddenly we all 'gelled' again.

And I don't see why you shouldn't have 8 while you're young, it sounds fantastic! Your dc must have such a fun time with so many to play with :)

Seems to me you rely heavily on your father. You rent your house off him so get it cheaper, and he is your free childcare too.

What is your unconventional lifestyle?

IMO if people are telling you that you are nuts, then they have good reason. I have 6 children and no one would dare pass judgement as its none of their business.

"IMO if people are telling you that you are nuts, then they have good reason."

Nope, people are quite happy to pass comment on the supposed evils of having an only, despite the fact that they know nothing about the reasons. (And in that situation you'd think that people would have the sense to realise that plenty of onlies are due to fertility/health issues, rather than choice.)

IME anyone who makes a family decision different from the norm ie not 2 or 3 children, ideally with at least one of each sex, will get intrusive comments.

i have a 1 year old and 3 month twins am 21 i dnt realy see my freinds much but i love my life plan to have alot more kids i have allways wonted a big family my husband is 20 his friends make more effort to come round he wirks long shifts so can be hard to find time people think were mad but so what you sound like your doing very well mabye tell them how you feel they might try a little harder

i have a 1 year old and 3 month twins am 21 i dnt realy see my freinds much but i love my life plan to have alot more kids i have allways wonted a big family my husband is 20 his friends make more effort to come round he wirks long shifts so can be hard to find time people think were mad but so what you sound like your doing very well mabye tell them how you feel they might try a little harder

I have 2 sets of twins and a singleton all within 4 year and 1 month. I think when your pregnant and have babies a lot of people's social life does a runner anyway. My youngest twins are 2 now and the social life is back :-)

When I was your age I had 3dcs and most of my friends were a good 10 yrs older than me because that was the people I had things in common with. I think it is normal for most childhood friendships to drift apart as your life's go in different directions. Make some new friends.

yep, but friends come and go.