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Original poster

Do middle children get left out?

16 replies

dippywhentired · 14/01/2013 16:21

DH and I are debating whether to try for DC3 (I'm more keen than he is). Before children I always said I wouldn't want 3 as the children I knew growing up who were one of 3 always seemed to have one left out, usually the middle child. Now that I have 2 children myself, I am desperate for another one, but know I couldn't cope with 4. DH brought this up last night when we were discussing it as in, 'you always said you wouldn't want 3'. It got me to thinking about 3 being a bad number and what other's experiences are. Does it depend on the age gaps? My 2 DDs are now 5 and 2.9 so there would be a bigger gap between the youngest and DC2. Or is it having 3 all the same sex that creates competition?

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mum23girlys · 14/01/2013 17:21

I'm the middle one of 3 and I definitely got left out. I had an older brother and younger sister.

However I've got 3 girls and work hard at making sure noone is left out. I think it jelps that they are all girls though. Could change as they get older though

There was a thread on here recently about middle child syndrome. Might have been just last week and could be worth a read

BackforGood · 14/01/2013 17:23

I have 3 and none get left out. It's up to you how you choose to parent.

toffeelolly · 14/01/2013 17:27

no way i have 3 and treat my children the same like all good parent's do !

Original poster

dippywhentired · 14/01/2013 18:16

Thanks, am just having a read of the 'middle child syndrome' thread.

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Beatrixpotty · 14/01/2013 18:44

I'm the middle one of 3 (all girls,small age gaps) and I definitely didn't feel left out.In retrospect my elder and younger sister probably had a harder time,the eldest having been the one who had to break the boundaries eg first late nights,first boyfriends etc and the younger one was also treated as the baby in the family which is a bit annoying as you get older.There was also a bit of comparison as all at the same school but again ,worse for my sisters than for me.Never felt jealous of either and v happy to be in the middle.
DH is one of 3 and has always had a lovely relationship with his 2 older sisters.
Hence we are expecting our 3rd as our overall experiences were positive

Original poster

dippywhentired · 14/01/2013 19:11

Great, good to hear some positive stories. Will have to keep working on DH...

OP posts:

talsi · 15/01/2013 13:21

have 3, pg with no.4. My middle one has the best of both worlds - she is really really close with her older sister but also young enough to play with my two year old DS and has a special bond with him. Feel like the oldest really has to do the most by herself.

NAR4 · 15/01/2013 14:22

I had 3 boys close together, but the middle one has never missed out. In fact due to his very demanding personality he gets more attention than the other 2, if anything. The other 2 are quite layed back and enjoy their own company more.

I agree with other posts that it is how you parent. You are obviously concerned you wouldn't want your middle child to miss out, so I am sure you would ensure they didn't.

febel · 18/01/2013 20:12

My middle one has never felt left out...in fact she has always said, with NO prompting from us, that she likes being middle cos she can be young with the younger sibling, or older, with the older one. Incidentally she is the one who gets on best with everyone, no matter what their age or sex and has always been very popular at school. Her best friend is a middley too..and her mum and dad have always said she is the jam holding the sandwich together! We didn't plan on three, but I'm glad I had three, and would have liked four but couldn't face it after my third..a more difficult child!

Suppose it depends on the individual child's personality...as always!

LongStory · 01/02/2013 21:46

I think if you're aware of the risks of the middle child, you can easily compensate for it. My middle of 5 is probably the brightest intellectually and the happiest of the bunch.

BlackholesAndRevelations · 05/02/2013 06:52

I teach a lot of middle children who are well behaved, calm, and very considerate of others' feelings. I'm newly pg again (after mc) with number 3 and am concerned that my youngest child is my baby at the moment, and will feel pushed out by a new arrival. He's a complete mummy's boy at the moment!

lollystix · 08/02/2013 09:44

I have 4 boys aged 6.5, 4.5, almost 3 and 15m. 2 middle kids who are great friends but chalk and cheese in character. Ds2 quiet, so considerate and sensitive - I do overcompensate to help him get a voice. Ds3 the most confident, loud, advanced one in the pack. I think it's maybe character over position.

mixedmamameansbusiness · 13/04/2013 08:17

I havee three boys 7,5 and 2 and I don't think any are left out but I work hard at making sure ds2 isn't left out. Having said that he was always a needier child.

lljkk · 13/04/2013 10:10

No, not at all ime. I think it's personality not middleness that may make some middles seem left out.

When I had 3, it meant the middle one had twice as many playmates (DC1 & DC3 never really got on).

Now we get shifting alliances, typically DC2+DC3 play the most, or DC3+DC4 (biggest age gap), but any combination can happen.

(After Googling): What a load of poo, honestly. I am the youngest by a big margin so should be more like an only yet I have had many of the supposed middle child traits.

Typecasting your kids is bad, whether you do it with one or many.

Bowlersarm · 13/04/2013 10:16

My middle DS is never left out. If anything he gets more attention than the other two as DH and i made an effort to ensure he didn't get 'middle child syndrome'.

In fact, i think it's backfired. I'm sure he thinks he is 'the favourite'

MissLurkalot · 13/04/2013 10:46

I think this middle child thing is something of the past to be honest.
It is down to parenting, your parenting basically. And if it is something that you encountered or witnessed in your childhood, then you would be more aware of it, and it will most likely never happen in your family.

I think age gap could have a part to play... If there is a too larger gap, then yes, the last one might be more of an only child.

We have three.. 8 (dd) 4 (dd) 2 (DS)

My middle one is a more stronger personality, but she was like that before our third child came along.

Our girls are close and are both at school together (yr 3 and rec) but our little boy has slotted in brilliantly and he plays nicely with them both and/or individually. I've been the same with him, as with the girls, and we are busy, out and about meeting friends and taking each other to toddler groups! I'm really enjoying him... He's a happy, contented, independent chappy who has slotted in so nicely.

However, we have decided to go for no 4 and are due next month. This is purely due to us wanting one more... As we've always a big brood of kids. But, we were very happy and contented with 3 kids.... (No 4 is a boy, so 2 of each!)

Don't focus on the odd number side of things... Think about the more day to day, practical things....having another little one to look after and that would affect you and and your lives. Setting the clock back to zero for example... (We love this part of it, as I love pregnancy and newborns.) Think about the finance and your working etc... Think about when you want to start trying and the school year.. As in, we wanted no more than two school years between our two boys, so cracked on with the trying and bish bosh.

Good luck and enjoy! Exciting times ahead,... x

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