Age gap questions!

[3monkeys3]

My mind is all in a mess about this at the moment! We are currently in the midst of hypothetical dc4 discussions and I am all confused about age gaps! It is my no means a definite thing that we will even have a dc4 - there are lots of very sensible reasons to stop at 3 - but if we do go for it the age gap is bugging me. I have 3dc - ds 3yr11m, dd 2yr9m, ds 11m - so very small age gaps and very much planned this way. I'd like another, but in order to get another little gap we would need to start ttc very soon and I'm not sure if I am ready to face another pregnancy at the moment. I would quite like a 2yrs and a little bit sort of a gap - so aiming for late 2013/early 2014 - but my sister's wedding, at which I am chief bridesmaid, is next October! Whilst I think she would be very understanding if I were pregnant at her wedding, I worry a great deal about letting her down in some way (I don't have great pregnancies) and, rather trivially, do not want to be a fat bridesmaid and forever fat in all the family pictures. If we started ttc after her wedding we would be looking at a just under 3 year gap at the very least and I am worried this is too big! Don't get me wrong, I think a 3 year gap is lovely - there are 3 years between my boys and they have a lovely bond - but I do worry about poor, hypothetical dc4 being a bit tagged on the end, left out, always the baby, having no one to play with all day once dc3 is at school (august baby, so would go to school when hypothetical dc4 was around 12 months - just as dc4 would want someone to play with!). I do think this option would be very lovely for me - it would be easiest from a practical point of view. Sometimes I think I should just grit my teeth and go for it now!

Sorry it's long! Partly I wanted to just get it all written down for my own mind - I know no one can tell me what I should do - but I'd love to hear from anyone with 4dc and how their age gaps work.

3monkeys3 good afternoon. First of all STOP worrying, it will only get you all stressed up.

I have four kids with approx 3 years in between. b16, b13 (14 next month). g11 and b7 (8 this month).

If you are not ready for another child then wait until you are ready. Only you and your spouse can make that decision.

You mentioned being a chief bridesmaid at your sisters wedding. If you are pregnant then you will not be able to physically do all the things you would like to do for your sister. You could perhaps try in November next year if you still want another child. When is the right moment to have another child?

When the baby does arrive everything will be fine. You have three children who will be your little helpers when baby comes. Get them involved with what you are doing.

There are some who look back and wish they had gone for another.

All the best in making this choice

Thank you. I suppose my other concern is that we'll have moved on from the (currently never-ending) baby stage by then and I worry a little about holding my dc back by again being pregnant and having organise things around a small baby. I am so looking forward to being able to do things together as a family, without one of us (me) having to sit out and hold the baby and I know that having another will delay this even further. I have no idea what to do tbh.

If you wait a bit, you might enjoy the pregnancy and baby stage in a different way than you have before, because it will be all new again iyswim. That's what I'm hoping for anyway!

I have the biggest gap between DC3 and 4 (due to indecision!) of 2.5 years, when there's just over 3 years between DC1 and DC3. Yes it's possibly a little bit easier logistically with pushchairs etc but not so with bedtimes. The overall gap between 1 & 4 makes choice of tv channel more argumentative interesting, schooling wise DC1 starts secondary when DC4 starts primary - where will I be on the first day

I wish we'd just kept going.