Large gap before DC3: please share your experiences

[Obergene]

We have been prevaricating about having a 3rd for a long time. Now we feel ready to go for it but even if I was to get pregnant straight away the age gap to DC1 would be 6.10 years and to DC2 would be 4.6 years. In reality it is more likely to be just over 7 and nearly 5 years.

I have been searching for wisdom on such age gaps and a popular message on the third children discussions is that it is better to have three close together and if you leave a gap it is really hard as the children are at such different stages, never play together, want different kinds of attention etc. I have seen little positive said on here about leaving a gap before number three.

Does anyone have the kind of age gap I am considering? If so I would really welcome your honest views on how that gap worked out and whether you would do it again. Age is on my side so I could wait a few years. Is a REALLY big age gap preferable to a quite big gap.

I had ds1 (8 )and ds2 (6 ) when we had ds3. they loved having a little brother. I then went on to have ds4 and dd but sadly dd died aged 7 weeks.
Disadvantages are that ds1 and ds2 who are now teenagers don't necessarily like going to the park for picnics and we have to choose holidays where there are activities for all ages.
Advantages are that ds1 can now babysit for short periods of time and is at the moment collecting ds3 from summer camp for me!
ds3 is very, very good with kids now and I'm not sure if he would have been if we hadn't had "the smalls" as we call them in this house.

Well I've got a much bigger gap than that !

My children do play together but I guess its more of a playing along encouraging thing rather than a same stage playing with each other iyswim ?

Biggest advantage is the older two were at school whilst the baby was young so I felt i had more time with no3 and could relax and enjoy him more. I made the most of each stage rather than feeling like it was all a blur.

youngest is more independent - although this can be a disadvantage !

and of course free babysitting !

I am due dc3 in 3 weeks - dd1 will be (very) nearly 8, and dd2 is 5.

it will be what it will be.

one thing that encourages me is the fact I have 2 older brothers - 4 and 5 years older than me. I get on best with my eldest brother, and we are very close.

likewise, dh has 2 brothers - one 15 months older, and one 5 years younger. he is very close to his younger brother.

so it would seem that both our mothers managed ot weather the storm

in some ways, I do already have experience of 'bridging the gap' wrt age differences, as dh has 2 children from his first marriage, who were 11 and 12 when dd1 was born, so have already been through the holidays for all ages/picnics on the park scenarios (albeit on a part time basis)

I am pregnant with DC3. Due in jan when DS1 will be 8.5 and DS2 will be 5. So big gaps here. It's just how life panned out for us. DS1 was surprise, ds2 planned when we could afford to move. We are ready for dc3 now after a tricky year of health issues last year. In some ways your children happen when they happen rather than planning gaps. I am aware the gaps are big. I hope the boys will be excited and love the baby. They are both great with other peoples younger children. What will be will be. I say Go For It!

My sister is 11 years younger than me and I am now very very glad to have her. Although I think that having a baby when older DC starting puberty is not a good idea if you want to keep an eye on older DCs... In our case I just went secretly off the rails while my parents focussed on sister.

Also, I didn't have any kind of bond with her until she hit her twenties.

So, in your case I'd rather have the 3rd sooner rather than later.

oh, i did RESENT the babysitting btw...

The age gap with my three are ds1 was 16 and dd was 11 when ds2 was born.
And they all love each other and a have great relationship.
I don't make the older two babysit tho cos it wouldn't be fair on them.
I say go for it you won't regret it.

I will have an even bigger age gap than you. Ds3 is due next week and Ds1 is 15 and Ds2 is 9. In an ideal word I think we would have liked them closer together, but this is what we have and we make the best of it. The gap between Ds1 and 2 is also such that they have never really played together etc anyway, so adding Ds3 to this will make little difference to us in that respect.

I was almost 16 when my own sister was born and we get on well. It certainly didn't cause any issues for our mum having a large age gap. I don't think you can predict how siblings will get on what ever the age gap.

We were pondering the wisdom of our decisions this weekend when dealing with a 15 year old suffering from a raging hangover and how we will manage this with a newborn!

Good luck with what ever you decide.

I have 3 DS's, aged almost 13, 9 and 3. I am really happy with the age gaps most of the time, like typicalvirgo said it's really nice to have time for just me and him while the other two are at school. He gets lots of attention and the other two love having him around, again, most of the time!
Disadvantage is for example when I want to take the older two to the cinema or something like that, then we have to sort out what to do with DS3. It normally means we just don't go.
Holidays are fine, everyone likes the beach so don't find that a problem.
They all do play together, mostly lego, nerf and football. Sometimes I think DS3 is almost growing up too fast as he has two older brothers - I could never imagine DS1 when he was that age running around with a nerf gun!. Having said that, DS1 and 2 have to "dumb down" a bit sometimes, and play duplo or shops with DS3.
Like I said though, most of the time we are all really happy with it!

Thank you all for sharing your experienced.

I realise that I should have better worded my question to inquire about a "medium sized" gap before DC3. Some of the your gaps are of course much larger. One of my thoughts is that maybe a truly large gap would be easier (so maybe I should wait til my DDs are 11 & 9 or something). That gap means no competition. Is a 7 & a 5 year gap too large to be a unit and too small to ensure there is no feeling of competition?

I suspect there is no right answer and DH and I just have to take our chances. If only I wasn't such a meticulous planner!

I only have 2 kids aged 5 and almost 2 but I'm the youngest of 3 - my brother is 10 years older and my sister is 8 years older. I'd never, personally, have that gap for my kids. I felt very alone and left out growing up and still feel like I need to prove myself all the time because althought we're now all adults and in actual fact I settled down first, I've not had as much time to build a career for example as well as having kids.

We have 99% decided we aren't having any more kids - if we did it would have to be soon and as we can't afford that it will be never because I detest large gaps.