Five maternity leaves with the same employer? Selfish?

[thefabfour]

I've 4 DC oldest 10 yrs and youngest 5 years and I'd really like another baby. This has become more acute since my youngest started school. I'm 39, 40 at the end of this year so I know that this has to be soon if we're going to do it.

My Dh deliberately didn't have a vasectomy after the youngest as he knew that I would probably feel this way. He is up for another baby too.

However, I think what is really holding me back is the financial aspects of another baby and knowing that I really wouldn't want to not work.

I worked thoughout the first 3 pregnancies taking 6-9 months off each time. After number 4 I resigned from work. There were a number of factors to this decision but in part it was because my boss was not very accommodating about my return to work after the fourth maternity leave (in five years)and I knew that i would need flexibility for it to work.

After a couple of years , my former employers asked me to return to working for them. In part this is because I work in a specialised area and it is difficult to find employees with the right skills/ experience. They have given me a term time only, school hours contract (which I know most people would give their right arm for). I also think this is because they believe that I have finished my family and in time will work more for them.

If I have another baby, I know that they have to let me come back from a legal point of view but I'm nervous that I will lose the goodwill I have moment.

I'm also not sure that we could cope long term with 5dc on just my Dh salary and so I need to work.

As an aside, I am bored rigid with the work I currently do and I dont want to make a decision based on the work that i do at present ( who knows if a job will continue long term?) but know that this employer is my best chance of working with 4dc (or 5 dc )at present.

Would you go for it?

Hi fabfour

I am currently pregnant with no.5, and have been with the same employer the whole time. In a nut shell I think that ultimately people do think I'm selfish for having lots of kids and working! I have not been back long and we are now having unplanned DC5. Haven't told work yet. TBH since going back after no.4 am finding it extremely difficult to fit back into the working environment, and although I know they legally have to give you a job back, for me it will be too much with 5 DC's to work - and yes I think most work people do think I have too many kids really!

Having said that your youngest is 5, so presumably may be 6 by the time you have another baby? I would have thought that was a fairly respectable gap? I think ultimately you have to not be bothered by what other people think by your family planning decisions! And again will it matter another 10 or 20 years down the line? I personally hate my job, very similar to you - totally bored, I'm only going for the money if I'm honest - I would much rather be spending time with my kids really! I am a bit worried about us cutting down to one salary though in the long term. We can just about afford it, but i do worry about not having enough for all the 'extra's' the kids seem to want!

Good luck with whatever you decide!

I've had three mateernity leaves with the same employer and whilst I think our family is complete having another maternity leave with this employer would be one of the things I would think about if we were thinking of trying for another DC. For our DC we decided our priority was to complete our family and we would manage everything else but now I have to say the priority needs to be looking after our family. I like my job though and want to continue working, they have supported me through a couple of things including my maternity leaves and I feel I can manage my job and our DC.

I've had 2 with same employer and am leaving to start new job, partly because I couldn't put my employer through another one. It is a very small company though (only about 6 of us!) so it's quite different I think.
In your situation OP, well they did ask you back so they only have themselves to blame if you have another

On my 3rd mat break with same employer (fortunately DC3 occurred whilst on secondment elsewhere) I said honestly that it was an accident; so I looked the fool trying to do the right thing. I think I preferred that above the accusation of selfishness. Although they probably thought I was a selfish fool !

Go for it! Being perceived as selfish at work should be you last consideration! Do what is right for your family. All workplaces need to be able to accept that some people have more and less children. If nobody had 5 maternity leaves because it was too much to ask of an employer, then those with 4 maternity leaves would start feeling bad, and then those with 3 maternity leaves..... The system of maternity leave is there to support families. Use it.