What is a good age gap between children?

[PandaSpaniel]

I have two boys DS1 age 7 and DS2 age 12 weeks. I was thinking of leaving a 2 yr age gap between this baby and the next as I thought that would be a good age gap, and DS2 and new baby would be close.

However my friend who has 4 children says thats too much of a gap and I should be thinking of leaving just a year between them. Now at the risk of sounding daft/selfish I have a very busy year planned and don't want to TTC until next May. Also I had a c section with baby so don't really fancy being pregnant too soon as it still hurts now and then.

What age gaps do you lovely mumsnetters have and what do you think is a good gap?

Its like asking how long is a piece of string really! Different children different personalities, you may not get pregnant when you want etc etc. I don't think there is such as thing as a bad gap and therefore by default no such thing as a good gap either, there would be advantages and disadvantes to all age gaps and days when whatever age gap you have seems like a good or bad choice! You do what you want not what others think and say, your body your choices.

I have 5 years between my boys, just the way it worked out with miscarriages etc and it's my normal and I love it.

I have a two year gap, but I often thought when they were little it was precisely the wrong gap - one year or three would have been better! But there is no right answer to this question.

3-4 years is best IMO. I've heard a 1-2 year gap is harder than having twins, because the older one has the capability to hurt the younger one but hasn't developed the understanding not to yet. Plus a year later you have a 1 and a 2 year old running in different directions.

I have a very small gap of 13 months between ds1 and dd, and then a smallish one of 22 months between dd and ds2. Obviously there is also a 3 year gap between my 2 boys. The 13 month gap and the 3 year gap are the easiest, the 22 month one is trickier (terrible twos in full swing with a crawling/wobbly cruising baby is not for the faint hearted) - so I would go short or a bit longer. All bonds are good in our gang - so far anyway - so I would choose whatever will work best for you from a practical point of view.

I have a three year gap and it's lovely, my three year old is getting to be less of a handful and loves to help with the baby.

Oh food for thought, a two year old and a baby eek. But on the plus side a small age gap means you get the sleep deprivation and nappy stage out of the way in one go.

Has anyone got older children? Say over 10, with a small age gap? Do they get on well with each other?

I have a 22 month gap between my girls and I LOVE it, it's been so great.

I think a gap of around a year is really hardcore. You basically have two babies at the same time, rather than a toddler and a baby.

Given that you had a section and you don't fancy TTC yet, I think you would be mad to try for a 1 year gap on the basis of what your friend says.

There's no "right" answer, just what works for your family.

My 2 boys, with an age gap of 20 months, have always been best friends with the exception of when one turned into a teenager and it took 18 odd months for the other to make that big and sudden leap. This gap has been perfect for us.

Can I just say that having an older child too must be much harder. I have witnessed one lad feeling very sorry for himself once he hit his tweens because it was clear his family were dominated by the demands of little ones.

A 1 year age gap is supposedly the hardest because you have to do each stage twice in a row. I can imagine that having only recently finished potty training one training and already thinking about the next is very stressful!

I have three dds, each with 3 year age gaps between each. Being pregnant when looking after a two year old was bad enough - I can't imagine doing it with a one year old!

My nieces have an 18 month gap between them. From 11 to 16, they were extremely competitive at school, sports, boyfriends, clothes etc. In the last year, with the oldest moving out over the summer holidays, they have returned to their pre-adolescent close friendship. I hope that they will remain close throughout their adult life too. I had a brother just 20 months older and we were really close, not competitive at all. So it is obviously different for each group. It can't be nice having two similarly aged siblings who really don't get on, though.

If you don't want to have another quite so soon, don't. Whatever you feel is right, probably is.

I have a 12 year gap between eldest and youngest. Two of mine have 16 months between them which I found very, very hard work and don't think either of them benefited from it. As others have said its a very personal choice. Think I read somewhere the WHO recommend a three year gap.

I am not sure gaps are an indication of how well children get along, think its much more about personalities. There is 20 months between my dh and his brother and they have never got along they are just very different people, with different interests.

I also think it varies hugely on personality of the children involved, so I would just do what works for you!

In the early years goes without saying that the larger the gap the easier it is to cope; generally as they grow older it kind of works the opposite way. I had 4 in 5 years and it was hell when they were little (a blur!) but now that the youngest is 3 I can start to see some benefits!!!

There is only 18 month between myself and my brother and we were very close growing up and we are still good friends, although not as close as we were, as we are very different people. I think 18 months is a good age gap, however maybe I am looking at it through rose tinted glasses as we used to fight like cat and dog too.

I am concerned that my older child will feel left out, with all the attention going on LO's. Oh decisions decisions lol.