DC4 - coping in the early days.

[mamilyfatters]

How did you manage when DC4 came along?
DH is very much hands on but self employed and currently stressing as is bogged down with paperwork, work itself and helping me with the children which includes taking them to activities some evenings straight from work.
This will be my fourth c-section, have 3 DC ages almost 4, 5 and 6.
We will have ILs here for a few days while I have the baby to help with the kids and give DH time with us up in hospital but thereafter (around day 5) we'll be alone until the DC can go and have a break with them (ILs are being great especially as they weren't asked first, one of my parents was, but now can't be here, and the other can't either, just odd visits which aren't confirmed) so must be very grateful for just that -- not complaining, just wondering how I'm going to cope, just as I did when they were 3 under 3 and stressing stupidly!
DH is showing stress signs, he doesn't usually, I know what he's thinking. How can I be of help when I've got to earn money and leave the family alone after a week. I'll be okay, surely? Help...experience....advice.
Many thanks.

Could you get a part time au-pair, some half-decent teenager in to help for some of the time?

I had 4th when DC1 was 8yo, had to do things like chuck 2 vomitting DC in a double buggy & walk another Dc to school (2wk old baby in a sling). That was no fun. But I didn't have the physical restrictions of CS-recovery too.

Thanks Ragged, I'm not sure about the part-time au pair, I'd have to look into costs and the teenager is a good idea, someone mentioned this too lately. I ought to get the feelers out.
I think I have recovered fairly quickly from previous sections, but perhaps too quickly, remember pushing double pram on day 7 because I needed fresh air and being quite drained and sore thereafter.
Thanks for the advice.

So is the school run and activities the biggest issues, if you can't drive?

With my DC4, DH had two weeks off, then I was on my own

Food: from freezer, easy, lots of internet shopping.
School/preschool run: I had VB so could drive. But I also had a 'bank' of people and favours to call in, so if it all went wrong, I knew DC1-3 could get where they needed to get.
Washing: just kept on top of it
Bedtimes: DH was home in time 80% of the time, if he wasn't, I arranged for a friend's nanny to come to me after she'd finished work, so 5.30-7.30.
Housework: minimum plus a cleaner.

I did a lot of top up feeds in the playground, and nappy changes in the car outside school. Thinking that as long as I got there, the baby could wait to be fed/changed.

Also managed to keep up DC3's swimming by asking a friend to watch DC4 while I was in the pool; and usually there was a granny around looking after her DGC so I just put my carseat next to her chair.

It wasn't really a problem. DH went away for a week when DC4 was 4 weeks old - invitations to lunch/tea came pouring in, and between a friend and borrowing the nanny I only had 1 bedtime to do alone.

It sounds like you need someone who can drive to help you out in the evenings - perhaps a nursery nurse after work? Someone else's nanny? Or give the DC a few weeks off

TBH, I figured anything I did was a bonus - it was a low start point but meant if we were all up, dressed in clean clothes, fed and where we were supposed to be most of the time, then it was ok

Sounds like the priorities were right TBH. Even now in last few weeks of PG, I feel we've achieved something if we're all dressed, fed and there's something on the hob for later. I forgot to mention that I home educate so not so much in the way of getting places (DH is great and deals with the activities of an evening) but more of trying to meet everyone's needs IYSWIM.
Thanks you. Appreciated.

Held my breath and waited for the first year to pass? :o

That first year (let alone the really early days) was like nothing else. Lots of precious precious moments, but so much exhaustion, and moments when I'd think, "What have I done? I can't cope and there's no escape!"

You recognise there will be times when you don't feel able to cope, so that's probably a good start. Keep in mind that it gets easier after the first year!

I don't mean to sound bleak - most of the time things are great - but the bleak moments I found bleakest when there were four, iyswim!

You will cope, because first of all you have no choice

Like others I had 2 weeks of DP at home then I was on my own, no family, no grandparents, no friends or outside help. I had 5yo DD1 at school, 4yo DD2 at nursery, 22mo DD3 and a newborn. I had a VB so was able to drive which helped. You quickly learn when you need to feed the newborn, I would do morning feed then a top up at 8.20am once the girls were all ready so that would take him over school/nursery run, same at 3pm. Always feed newborn just before dinnertime so you can make the dinner.

I think I find it harder now he's a tornado of a 2 year old.

You will be fine

Four months on, and I think I've coped so far??? with dd4's arrival. Also my 4th section and pretty awful recovery, as they go... Back in hosp day 10 for a few days and it took at least 2 months for the wound to heal after infection set in. I had my mum out from o/s for 4 weeks then dh home for two weeks. To be honest, the school run was my hardest challenge, which, if you HE, won't be such a problem??? dd1 5, dd2 almost 4, dd3 2 and dd4 now 4 mths, so two seperate school runs, school and nursery, in different directions.

Although I am not often managing this, the thing that keeps me sane is when I have batch cooked and don't have to deal with tired, whingy children, screaming newborn AND make dinner. If I also have to cook (DH works long hours), I really struggle.

When I've finished my morning school run and I am walking out of school with dd's 3&4, I usually pass the same mum who is dropping her son late to school, still in her pjs. This does give me a smug little glow even though i haven't brushed my teeth or done my hair, or dd3! Good luck!

We have similar age gaps. DH doing the morning school run made a massive difference. it sort of all fell into place after that. Cook tea at lunchtime, make sure everything is prepared in advance, any time the baby is down you do something. Having a cleaner took a lot of pressure off too.

You could try contacting a local college and offering work-experience to a student studying childcare. It would give you and extra pair of hands with the older children, although not the baby.

Looking back I can only say (and no, it's not very helpful) that I don't know how I did it. But I did.

You really need a cleaner.

That takes a massive amount off your shoulders honestly. The best thing we ever did when I was having our fourth.

The rest just happened really.

I found the early weeks a doddle (yes, I know what you are thinking!) Every one got fed, no dirty dishes left at night, the washing and ironing got done. BUT.... It all unravelled rather quickly when we started to get appointments etc for the others or two weeks with lots of afternoons out. Became a real grit your teeth to get through the days jobs, and some days not a lot did get done! Always managed to get a shower when other 3 had gone to school, but was naughty and stayed up late after babys last feed to have some " me" time and consequently suffered for a year with tiredness.

Cope? .... Cope...?

< strained laugh>

I second getting a cleaner!! I have 4 and a husband who works away all week. I had an emergency c-section with 4th and the c-section was hardest thing as had to get people to help with school run which i hate to ask but people were wonderful. How you home educate too, I am in total awe! Mine would learn how to change a nappy and hoover and that would be about it!
I have a cleaner, just gone up to 7 hours a week and it is a godsend, she does a bit of ironing and stuff like cleaning the floors and bathrooms which I just don't get around to! A friend of mine pays someone £6 a fortnight to cut her lawn which is a good idea too.

I have just made myself get up half an hour earlier too as I can get so much done with just the baby up and no-one else, amazing how much washing/unloading dishwasher/maybe even a hot cup of tea you can do if you are downstairs by7! I think we did muddle through in early days and my husband had about 10 days at home and then my Mum and Dad came up for a week after that to help with school runs and so I only had to rely on friends for a few days as I went to my Drs around 3.5 weeks after c-section and he agreed scar had healed very well and my insurance company then allowed me to drive again, you just have to ring them up and discuss (I am assuming you do drive?). Very important that you don't over-do things in early days just so your scar can recover. Do you follow school holidays the same as school, ie as it will be summer holidays the other children can just play/watch too much TV etc in early weeks?
Other than that, internet shopping for food, nothing worse than dragging 4 around the supermarket when you are a little tired, you just come out with nothing but chocolate!!