Struggling with 3

[74jane]

I would appreciate some advice to help cope with 3 conflicting children with their individual needs!

Need more info such as how old are they? What are the conflicts are there any special needs? Do you have family / dp / healthy finances? I have three and have found life v. tricky since No: 3 arrived (nearly 3 yrs ago) but I've managed my expectations and am still here. I know it's not easy!!

They are 3, 5 and 6. The 3 year old is wanting to assert his independence but is very unsafe and needs constant supervision. He even waits for me to go to the toilet so he can grab a chair and try and take something he shouldn't have. In the meantime my other girls are fighting constantly, physically and verbally with very little positive interaction. I feel completely overstretched all the time. I find it difficult to go shopping even for the basics as their behaviour is unacceptable in public!

Oh sounds just my life! My youngest is 2yrs and 9 months but the older two are 7 and 9 and fight loads.

I don't go shopping with all three, I even now take one at a time for shoe shopping. It's like herding cats otherwise.
Youngest managed to escape today, ran to the green across the road but got stuck in some nettles so didn't get too far.
Funnily enough if you can get some of their friends over for a play (for the older 2 anyway) I find that they separate into little gangs a bit more and can play nicely. Also they might get return invitations.
Try and get out if you can (not shopping requires too much thinking as well as child control), we've even managed a bike ride or two. Having said that I know it is hard to motivate yourself when things can so easliy go pear shaped.
If the older two are both girls and close in age do they have exactly the same hobbies eg both in Rainbows? If so perhaps they could do with something of their own out of school. This happens more naturally with bigger age gaps or different sexes. Obv this has cost / time implications but might help.
Other than that it will get easier as your 3 yr old becomes less demanding and more independent (that's what I'm banking on).

Is the 3 year old after food? Or other objects? If it is food I always let my children know the times that they can eat food - 8 o clock breakfast, 10:30 fruit time, 12:30 lunch, 2:00 treat time (eg., biscuit), 4:00 warm drink, 6:00 evening meal. My own son is always grasping for food and I am like a dripping tap, always telling him, "No, the next snack time is .." and I know that he doesn't tell the time yet but he's getting used to the rule. With the sisters, I have had to recently have a session with a couple of mine, talking to them about having kind hands, feet and words, talking about hurting feelings with words, reading stories about being kind, making up stories about when I was younger, etc. With shopping you could either give up and go on your own while someone else looks after them or do it - but you will have to prepare for it, probably. The youngest can go in the trolley seat, perhaps with a DS, book or snack. The eldest can be asked to help you, by using a calculator. The middle one can be in charge of the list, using a feltip to cross of your items. I'm not saying any of this will def work but it does help and it's what I do with my 4.

Ah thanks so much! It is nice to feel that I am not the only one. Your advice is very welcome. It is strange to hear about the running across the road incident as I had a frightening incident yesterday too. I think this is what prompted me to start this thread. I am living in Norway just now due to my husband's work. I was getting ready for the school run to pick up my oldest daughter (they start school at 6) my 3 and 5 year old were ready and I let them outside the door whilst I put on my shoes and coat etc... We have a large area of communal space outside the house. After locking up they were nowhere to be seen. To cut a very long and awful story short with tears and a search party of neighbours etc... I found them in the school playground (including crossing a road) playing happily totally oblivious. Apparently the 3 year old ran off and my five year old followed! I am relieved this had a good outcome as some awful scenarios had gone through my mind but I still feel very upset.

I think the shopping advice is very helpful. I will try and do some shopping in the evening but if I need to go I will try the other techniques. I especially like the calculater idea especially as we are getting familiar with a new currency etc... I like the kind hands etc advice too. I will get hold of some books, maybe search the net for game ideas etc...

I also think the activites ideas are great too. My girls haven't started any clubs yet but we used to do alot in the UK (including Rainbows). We all enjoy riding bikes and now the snow has gone (only just!) I will dust them off... In fact... The sun is shing today :-).

I feel inspired for a good day today...

P.S. My boy is looking for food (I do feed him :-)). I like you idea about fixed meal, snack times - I will try that...