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Original poster

Is a career possible with 4 children?

33 replies

Thinkingof4 · 03/11/2011 14:36

I have 3 lovely dc's are nearly 5, 2 and 5 months. I am already thinking about having another though DH is adamant 3 is enough. I have a professional job which I love though I only work 1.5 days a week. I have a childminder who will look after dc's when I go back to work but she definitely wouldn't have space for 4.
Are there any working mums with 4 or more out there? How do you manage? Would it be too much to juggle? I think a nanny would be great in theory but we live in the countryside and might struggle to find anyone suitable.

I have PILs who live 30 min away, my parents are much further, and effectively I can't ask either set of GPs for help with childcare though MIL would help out in emergency.

If my Dh changes his mind ( I think he might, he just finds baby days a bit tiring) would I be crazy to consider a fourth?

Sorry long post!

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Diamondwhite · 03/11/2011 14:49

I think pacificdogwood works with 4. I am pregnant with fourth and work am rather scared though.

Original poster

Thinkingof4 · 03/11/2011 14:59

I should add that I will work a bit more in the future eg 2.5 or maybe 3 days at a push but no more than that. I am lucky to have a relatively well paid job so it is worth me going back to work iyswim. Plus we couldn't afford me NOT to work. Hopefully pacific will be along soon!

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Diege · 03/11/2011 19:11

Hi! I had number 5 five days ago and work 4 days a week (well, full-time compressed into 4 days). I'll be going back in April and will use nursery for ds1 and new baby (ds2). Dds are at school and go to a childminder 3 days a week after school. I'm lucky enough to be able to work from home on a Thursday, so can do the school drop-off and pick-up on that day, and on my day off (Fri). I work for a mixture of financial and sanity reasons, and am lucky enough to earn a good wage and also enjoy my job. It is really hard work, esp with a lengthy commute - worst thing coming back to the breakfast things at 6pm . Any questions feel free to ask away - I think if you want to do it, you will find ways. If you are doubtful this might suggest there are other reasons behind your reluctance perhaps? Tbh I do think (from my perspective) that 1.5 days (even more) a week is very doable, and something you will enjoy while keeping your brain ticking over and a way back in when the dcs are older and you might wish to extend your hrs. Good luck with your decision!

lollystix · 03/11/2011 23:23

I work 4 days a week and just had ds4. I'll be returning in 6 months for 4.5 days or maybe 5 compressed into 4.5 days. Work for sanity, pension, keeping foot in door etc. SAHM is hard going IMO- respect to them. Would like less days but couldn't really do my job or be taken seriously on less (seen colleagues do it and it doesn't really work).

I get to work on foot but have one to drop off at school breakfast club and 2 at private nursery. Then pick up from afterschool and the nursery.

3 at private nursery will financially kill us till ds2 hits school in 2013 (they are just 5,3,19m and 3 weeks). About £2100 a month in total.

MIL may commute up on train on weekly basis to take 2 youngest for a day and a half which will save us about £6k a year but she'll stay over.

Cathycat · 03/11/2011 23:37

I have 4 and work full time. 4 children are expensive. I need to work! :)

skandi1 · 03/11/2011 23:41

Sarah beeney has 4.

Original poster

Thinkingof4 · 04/11/2011 09:47

Thanks all. I was watching sarah beenie on tv last night with her 4 lovely boys! There was a bit where she made a comment about not having any more because her dh won't let her. My dh just looked at me and we laughed! My main obstacle would be making sure he was happy to do it again- he feels he is too old (43 but I am only 33 so def not too old!)
I guess as they start school work becomes more doable though school holidays could be tricky ( and expensive!)

Lots more thinking to do I think

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Original poster

Thinkingof4 · 04/11/2011 09:49

Ps congratulations diege and lollystix on your new arrivals

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DrownedGirl · 04/11/2011 12:41

I have 8yo, 3 yo twins and a baby and work

2 days in work, nanny at home

rest of the time i work at home.. somehow..

lollystix · 04/11/2011 14:15

Hi thinking - ds1 just started school and it's actually harder to be honest. A friend gave up work when hers started as she couldn't cope. It's cheaper obviously BUT we have so much to remember now and homework to now do a few nights a week which we have to start at 7pm after tea. Ds1 is knackered by this point so I do envy the SAHMs in this respect

slipperandpjsmum · 05/11/2011 18:17

I have 4 and work full time in quite a stressful job. It has got easier as time has gone on but I find one of the main difficulties is forgetting things at home. Once forget my dd was due to go on a school trip and had to be at school early!! I felt awful for a long time. But as I have been doing it for a while now I have better systems and things like that are much rarer these days! We have charts and I ensure I write everything in my diary. My three youngest are in 3 different childcare provisions which can get complicated.

When I am at work on a Friday people often talk about the forthcoming weekend and how they are going to relax after a challenging week. At that point I am thinking of the enormous piles of washing that await me when I get home and my good intentions to batch cook, which I never quite get round to!

EssentialFattyAcid · 05/11/2011 18:25

I think Xenia has 5 children and has always worked full time.

Surely you could find a nanny willing to live in the sticks?

whimsicalname · 06/11/2011 13:57

I work at the moment with 3 (aged 7,5 and 1), and am currently TTC number 4. I imagine I would continue to work after ML, although with 2 under 3s in nursery, it would have to be reasonably lucrative to be worthwhile!

I currently work 2.5fte which I fit into 3 school days. That gives me a good amount of time with my boys, enough time at work and a couple of days to sit around drinking coffee bond with my baby.

I'm doing an academic job which is good in that it's flexible, but bad in that it's not especially well paid or secure. It has also been stressful from time to time, for example leading up to submitting my thesis, when any normal PhDer would have been doing allnighters, I was sticking kids in front of dvds so I could write in the kitchen.

BeattieBow · 06/11/2011 14:00

I work ft and have 5. Am pg with no 6 too. I am lucky in that I can work from home 2 days a week if I want to, but still it's professional job and it requires commitment.

I got an au pair after no 4 to help out (also no family help). it's fine ime!

Original poster

Thinkingof4 · 06/11/2011 17:34

I dont think a live in nanny would be any good as I only need part time and we don't really have space ( we do have spare bedroom but no space for a couch/ tv in that room.)

How do you all cope when kids are ill and can't go to school?

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BeattieBow · 06/11/2011 20:21

I ask the au pair to help out! or I work from home.

I find an au pair invaluable (have got a live out au pair/mother's help now) - an extra pair of hands, who can do extra hours when a child is sick, on school holidays, inset days etc.

I also juggle lots of other childcare (like others on the thread) - a nursery for the younger ones and have also been known to use after school club.

cherryb77 · 08/12/2011 16:27

I have 4 kids 10 7 5 and 4. I have always worked although recently began a full time professional post.Ideally i wouldve waited until the youngest was in ft school but its a traineeship so work will pay for my degree and as long as I do my full time hours I manage my own diary. For this to work it means I do split shifts round the school run and tea time.So I start at 9 am and although im home for a couple of hours at tea time I dont finish work til 10 pm .Im knackered and as youngest at morning nursery my mum helps on her day off and husbands mum helps 3 afternoons a week and childminder one day a week .Its early days yet but think we are coping and its a job im passionate about so thats gotta help !

LongStory · 10/12/2011 15:44

I have 5 kids - 11, 9, 6, 2 + 2 - and work 3 days a week. Frankly I wouldn't be able to cope financially or emotionally without my work!!! Have had the blessing of my mum as a nanny, but this is ending soon sadly. Changing things so hubby works 4 days and I work the other 3. Slightly nervous...

amerryscot · 10/12/2011 15:44

I have five children and a career.

LongStory · 10/12/2011 15:52

I'm glad you phrased the question as about a career, not about a job. There is a huge difference between the two - For example pleased I've now built up 17 years in one of those rare final salary schemes. [waits for people to hit her]. Also I have probably spent far too much money on childcare and back-up arrangements, so that my colleagues/bosses know that I'll always be in and meet my deadlines / deal with crises.

Original poster

Thinkingof4 · 10/12/2011 22:01

Thanks for all the replies, sounds like it can be done then!
I'm feeling quite about it all at the moment actually, all 3 kids have been unwell, not sleeping etc and it's been a real struggle. I've never felt like this before but now wondering if I should just stick with 3. Hoping it's just a blip

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onceinawhile · 12/12/2011 11:05

Another one here with 4 children and a career. Currently working 3 days and it swings wildly between feeling exhausted to feeling great. Generally I find things like illnesses or stressful situations just seem to throw everything up in the air....however my youngest is only 2 still so I suspect when they are all a little older dynamics change.

I also find the financials a challenge, I am considering going full time because everything is just so expensive with 4 and we are set to lose the child benefit in 2013 which will really hit our pockets hard!!

So definitely doable although not for the fainthearted!!!

missismac · 15/12/2011 17:22

I've got 4 DC's, I work part time & always have done. In Sept I'm hoping to back to university to retrain. The course will be full time and working shift work is part of it.

It's hard (particularly if you have no family help) but possible.

seasickgal · 20/12/2011 16:33

I work 2.5 days in professional capacity. I have 4 children, only 1 pre-schooler left now. I have a wonderful child-minder who will even take them if not too sick,and will keep them until up to 7pm if required.I also live in countryside and have no space for a nanny.It is difficult to juggle everyting and expensive during school holidays, however I need to work for my sanity and financial independance.

Barbielovesken · 26/12/2011 23:25

Very interested in this thread - we "only" have 3 (aged 6, almost 2 and 6 months) and are agonising over whether to have a fourth or not.

We adore having 3 - don't struggle with juggling it all (yet any way!) but are worrying a fourth would be the straw..

Career is vey important to both of us. We both work full time and I'm yet to meet a mother in real life who works full time (5 days) with more than 2 do this thread is refreshing.

Will be watching with interest..

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