should I have another?

[happynappies]

I know nobody can really tell me the answer, but I'd love to canvass opinions (again). I have 3 dcs, a 4 year old, a 2 year old and a 1 year old. I left a 2 year gap first time, 18 months last time (which was tough) with the idea that if we were to try for our desired fourth it would give us potentially more time if that makes sense. I'm 36 now, and don't want to (a) leave it too late age-wise, or (b) leave too big a gap as we'll never survive the sleepless nights/nappies stage again!! Of course I know nature may not play ball anyway, but assuming we were able to conceive... am I mad to be thinking of another? I've found it unbelievably tough with 3 littlies and everyone said when dd went to school things would be easier but I find the school run so demanding, hate 3-way tantrums, and find I spend most of my time managing laundry and cleaning. Is the step up to 4 hard? Is being pg with three hard? We live in a small house, only one loo, only 1 room downstairs + kitchen, two older children sharing a bedroom at the moment, youngest still not sleeping through. Sometimes I wake up and think 'this is my complete family' and tell myself it won't be long until the younger two are out of nappies, and progress is being made. But I don't think I can shake the idea of having four, and don't want to regret it. If you have doubts is it better to just say no?!!

forgive me for posting when I do not have a large family myself, so not speaking from personal experience (I've got 2, am curious about 3+), but the following thoughts spring to mind, you may have thought these yourself already. By the way, you don't have to answer these on here, but you might want to ask yourself:

what does DH think? How much do you rely on him for support? (practical and emotional)
what do you think would be the impact on your other 3? short term and long term? Time, money etc
can you afford it? I personally wouldn't be keen on the small house bit of it, especially if you are unlikely to move somewhere bigger/extend anytime soon.
Are you bothered about your career/hobbies making a come back anytime soon?

Quite a lot of what you said sounds more on the negative side (laundry, tantrums etc). I would have thought the laundry and fighting between siblings and also school run will not particulary get easier, if anything may be harder when DC2 and then DC3 starts pre-school and DC1 and then DC2 start doing clubs/play dates etc
The odds of complications in preganancy are greater the older you are (not that you're old, but obviously older than when you had your first) - this is one that people don't like facing up to but it is true unfortunately.

HOWEVER:

A lot of people have difficulty shaking off the idea of x number of children, if that's what they have in their mind and I really admire those people who just go for it. It usually works out fine. Children are a gift and so are siblings.

I think in many ways having a big family is like a small one, but you get more ups and more downs, i.e when it's good it's amazing and when it's not it's really not!

What are you like regarding other decisions? Heart or head? Although, trouble is having a baby is not really like any other decision you make...

It would be good for someone with 4 older children close together to come on and answer some of your other questions. I kind of think it's one thing having 4 under 6 but what about having (say) a 5yr old, 7yr old, 8yr old, 10 yr old. That sounds like a bunch of kids who still need a LOT of time and attention, not to mention socks washing and new school shoes, trainers etc every 6 months!

Sorry, gone on a bit there and I'm sure those who have 4 or more can be a bit more encouraging (maybe that's why you posted on this board?)

Although DC4 is not here yet due (late Jan), I am currently struggling a lot with a 4, 3 and 1 year old. I've just been out trick or treating with the dcs, and I really feel like my body is falling apart. I'm 40, It's my fifth baby in six years (we lost our first beautiful baby at birth). My pregnancies have been jam packed, and I've been either pregnant or breastfeeding for just over six years. My husband's job has moved up a notch, and frequently he is not home til 10pm. I have two seperate school runs, do night times and mornings, and bloody everything myself! It is a real struggle. But I do not regret getting pregnant again. I know this is what I really wanted. I'm sure the next few years will be madness and I will always frazzled, but it still just feels right. I feel like it will just be extending the madness of three for a couple more years. Dh's hours are likely to remain the same for the forseeable future but the upside is that it means we can afford to have four kids in inner London, it just is what it is.... I gave myself a time limit-six months to fall pregnant and then I would call it a day to my baby-making years. I fell pregnant the first month. I just have this feeling that if you can't 'talk' yourself out of it, then you may as well go for it!

You say you find it unbelieveably tough with 3 , so how will having another improve that.
I have 4 children and have a biggish house, and the toys drive me insane sometimes and when they get older they like their own space