so happy but so scared of telling family mambers

[Claire129]

Hi its so lovely to see so many people with 4+ kids on here, I have felt sooooo alienated as I dont know many people (this day an age) who have more than 3 kids. I am one of 4 and the only girl and I have 2 dd and 1 ds and we are having a fourth. I felt like an alien or something as you just dont see many pople with that many kids. We chave the psace fpr another child and 2 cars but need to get a 7 seater car which will be next year and we need to get fitted wardrobes in our bedroom for us and the baby but this isnt what worries me as my dh is so supportive he works hard and would not see us do without. What worries me is tellin gfamily members as they all rolled their eyes at us with number 3 and you would think I had another dozen hidden away. I have an yr old dd, a 9 yr old dd and a 4 yr old ds and love the bones of them and they have been asking for a baby bro (in my ds case anyway) or baby sis for some time. We havent said anything to them yet as we are waiting til after 1st scan but we have so many negative people around us, what should be a positive thing could quite easily become a negative and I dont want them to start feeding me doubts and I cant cope with lectures from my so called father and step mother, please help i feel so scared

Hi Claire :)

Please may I first congratulate you on your pregnancy!! How exciting :):):)

I am also a mother of 3 - opposite to you however with 2 boys and a girl.
Our friends and family all rolled their eyes at us too when we announced our pregnancy and actually I cannot remember one since "congratulations". Instead we got "but you've already got one of each" and "What else do you expect to have" oh and don't forget "You're not going for a football team are you?"

To which we replied, "It's absolutely none of your business, this baby was planned and is very much wanted and will be a fantastic little sibling for dd and ds"
They didn't take long to get excited though and are fantastic now. DS2 has slotted right into our lives as though he's always been here :). He is adored by all just like his brother and sister.

I am now hankering after baby no.4 but dh not keen. DS2 is now 15mths old and is a non-sleeper. What on Earth am I thinking?

Honestly, it really doesn't matter what your family's opinions are. It is your life not theirs. Your baby not theirs. You sound very well prepared and you have obviously planned out what changes need to be made to make way for your new lo.

I'm very happy for you - it is my very honest opinion that there is no greater gift than a child.

(I'm also very a teeny bit jealous) :)

I can sympathise although my situation is a bit different.
Around 12 weeks PG with DC4, unplanned. It will be a squish and I am a little worried about having a newborn, 16/17 month old, a 7 year old and an 11/12 year old.
I am worried about families reactions, only this week MIL said to DC1 but in my earshot,
"Let's hope your Mummy gives someone else a turn now, we don't want too many Grandchildren!" I felt like saying tough tit I'm up the duff again.

Congratulations anyway, I think that deep down as long as you, DH and DC are happy then that is all that matters.

thank you so much for your lovely words of wisdom its so nice to know that i am not alone, congrats notso and like you say stuff em i am pleased for you.
I felt so alone but your kind words mean so much and such good advice cherrypie3, be posititve. Whenever i feel down i will read this :o

Congratulations. I had dc4 a couple of months ago. We have a girl followed by three boys. I held off telling people for ages but actually got better reactions and less negative comments this time around than with dc3. Maybe people are too astounded to comment! Good luck. I am finding it a bit crazy with four but great too.

I have 4 and I was in the same position as you re inlaws particularly F-inlaw. I got my dh to tell his dp's quietly on his own and to emphasise that this was our choice. They were quite funny with me throughout the (they think I pressured dh into having more) especially as I needed crutches but now DC4 is here they love her to bits. Mind you F-inlaw gave dh a leaflet on having the snip as soon as she was born! They also won't look after more than 2 at a time, which is fine by me.

Congrats!

I was also reluctant to share the news of my 4th. As the coward I am, I put ds on the phone to tell my mum :o Also it was on my birthday, I thought that if I shared the news on my "special day", people would be nicer to me
I know that it shouldn't matter what everyone else thinks, but I was depressed and just couldn't cope with people lecturing me on contraception or carbon footprints, etc.
Mmmh, I think you better take the advice of more assertive mums, ha.

I got 3 lectures about contraception the week DC4 was born and it's still going on. The stock line from most people I meet seems to be 'you are going to stop now aren't you' which I am but it's none of their business in my view. It's like I've done something very naughty in alot of peoples eyes.

People really need to wind their necks in, don't they.
I have one. I'm not going to be having more (various medical reasons that involve TMI). The number of people who've been aghast that I'm not having more!!!
"You can't just have ONE!!!" "Erm yes I can."
"You can't do that to him!" "Yes I can."
"He NEEDS a sibling!!" "He needs a living mummy more."
"You could adopt." "I could. Not going to."
"They can do amazing things with medical science these days, you could..." "Yes, and most of those require a functioning uterus."
"But, but, but..." "I think I'm done with this conversation." Fuck off now.

Sounds like we're on opposite ends of the same spectrum. Not sure if that actually makes sense but it's late and it sounds good. :o

If you like I'll think of some stock responses for you. :o
Or I'll just come and slap the unsupportive ones for you :)

Hi - it does seem to be that if you don't have 2 (boy girl pair ideally) people think you're in someway 'wrong'. Any stock responses would be Very welcome.

My common comments from people are 'are you mental (ds4,wasn't planned so technically not),
'are you going to go for your girl?',

'another boy - oh!',
'is DH getting the snip now?',
'the mirena coil is great you know',
'you are going to stop now aren't you'
and my personal favourite is 'how will you cope?'.

Some stock responses:
"Are you going to go for your girl?" "What year is it? Have we leapt into the future when you can order the sex of your baby? No? Thought not. So, no, we're not. We might go for a baby though!"

"Are you mental?" "Excuse me? Did you mean that to sound as rude as if did?"

"Is DH getting the snip now?" "Are you seriously asking me about the state of my husband's privates?"

"The Mirena cool is great you know." "I'm so glad you likebig but really, that's a bit TMI for me."

"You are going to stop now, aren't you?" "Stop whatx exactly?"

"How will you cope?" "Beautifully, I expect. But if I don't, I'll be sure to ring you so you can have your chance to gloat."

That should shut them up :o

rude as it did

Mirena coil

like it not likebig

Bloody iPhone.

Hi OP, I have four too. I still remember the negative reaction I got from my father when we announced we were expecting DC4; he was silent for a minute then he walked out of the room. DC4 is nearly 16 so I could've forgotten that by now. I haven't though.

Anyway, we really wanted four. They were all planned.

My tip is to wait until you are feeling at your best, maybe after about 12 weeks, before you start telling people. Have a script in your head that goes something like, "We're having another baby, it is planned and we are delighted". Head off other people's negative comments before they start to utter them.

Congratulations!

Just realised this is an old thread!

Started two months ago.

OP's family and friends probably know all about DC4 now. Wonder how all that went?

Oh - hadn't noticed! Yes, I'd like to know, too!

Thanks jacksmania I particularly like the response to 'how will you cope?' - like i have a choice!

I'm always good for a snarky response or two :o