having 3 children AND a career - possible?
moonwalk · 12/07/2011 10:42
I am new to these boards and have read especially this board with huge fascination
I have 2 children (3 and 1years old) and am very very keen to have one more.. but also I am just starting out on my freelance career which I am hugely passionate about... dilemma.. We have 4 days of childcare in place, so time wise it should be just about ok to get working..
But I remember being really tired during my previous pregnancies.. Can you focus on a (freelance) career / your own business during your 3rd pregnancy? How is working life once you have 3 kids?
See, I want both... not sure if it would be possible..
verybusyspider · 12/07/2011 12:34
I have 3 - now just 5, 3.5 and just 2, I work 4 days a week in a professional job but I do shorter days so I can pick up from school, luckily I work very close to home.
One thing to bear in mind, in my experience, when they are at day nursery it is much easier, the hours are more flexible and the continuity of care is there 51 weeks of the year. I found school much more challenging and ds has found it hard work - I never appreciated how hard he'd find 6 hrs of school vs 10 hours of a nursery day. We also have the logistics of holiday care to organise, it becomes more difficult if dh has to work away or be in early. You also have 3 times the likely hood of one of them being ill. I spend a lot of my time outside of work rushing around for pick ups and getting dinner on the table
In saying that I wouldn't change having 3 but I have refocussed my priorities, I want a job and children but for me that means I have to be very strict about what times are for work and what is for the children - I would never for example do a meeting on a Friday, its my day with my children and if that limits my progression so be it - its frustrating at times but I know that its all a choice I've made, I feel like I'm treading water until I can do more hours.
I'm not sure if that helps as its only my experience and I would guess each sector is different and it depends what kind of back up support you have. As dh's career progresses I know mine also gets more squeezed as he works away more, all our parents are local but work full time.
What ever you decide you just have to know its the right thing for you and your family - don't let anyone make you feel like you can't do it or that you shouldn't
moonwalk · 13/07/2011 10:23
Thanks for your insights and encouragement, verybusyspider!
If any other Ladies have some input on this, that would be very appreciated
peppapighastakenovermylife · 13/07/2011 10:26
I have three - DS1 is 5, DD is 2.9 and DS2 is 10 months. I have a full time academic job which probably takes up 60 hours of my week.
I am lucky in that I can be flexible - I leave at 4pm to pick up so it is not too late (although am in by 8 am). And then I work in the evenings. School holidays are hard I will echo that.
It is very hard work but I wouldnt change it.
nicobean · 13/07/2011 20:44
Wow, peppa I'm extremely impressed!
I'm going back to work in January to what must seem like a very cushy 2 day a week job, but already I'm really worried about how I'm going to manage. My 3 are 4.5, 2.5 and 6mos and the idea of trying to get us all up and out an hour earlier....ugh. Having 3 is wonderful chaos but ooof, it is hard work too. At times I wish I could give up my job, but I love it and it's a big part of me, so I will try to hang on.
As far as working while pregnant with no.3, I think I was too busy to notice most of the time (could have done without some of the "OMG! Was it planned?!" comments, but then that's life when you have more than 2 kids I think )
dementedma · 13/07/2011 20:56
I had two DCS then aged 12 and 9 and was running my own, very small, business when got pg unexpectedly with number 3. Had a few weeks off then back to work. Since then have left self-employment and been employed in full-time, raising 3 DCs. At one time had DD1 in secondary school, DD2 in primary and DS in nursery - all different times, different holidays. Bloody hard work but doable. Summer school holidays are hard though, and child care is expensive. You need a good child care programme and a bloody good back up programme for when kids are ill or when the system breaks down.
I was "lucky" in that the girls were older, so didn't have 3 little ones all at once but that brought it's own problems. Dealing with exams, periods, boyfriends, teenage boundary pushing etc and then toddler tantrums, play dates and swimming lessons was a challenge. But yes, you can have a career and 3 children, as long as you are prepared to be permanently exhausted and give up any personal time!
Sidge · 13/07/2011 21:04
I have 3 aged 12, 7 and 4.5.
They are all in different places - that really doesn't help! DD2 is disabled and has complex needs which makes childcare more tricky (no summer playschemes or holiday clubs for her) but luckily I have a brilliant childminder who is flexible and has experience with disabilities. We have no family around to help out.
I work 18-20 hours a week over 4 days and use a combination of breakfast club, childminder and nursery (for DD3). She starts school in September so that will make life easier as it's one less place to drop off and pick up from. DH is military so away a lot and even when home works long hours, but luckily is local at the moment so is available in case of emergencies.
It is hard work and a constant juggling act. I don't have the sort of job where it's very flexible (I have my own booked clinics so people have appointments to see me, I can't go in late or leave early) but luckily my employers are understanding and I work with a great team where we try and help each other out if one of us needs to swap a regular day we work for sports day, parents evening, class assembly etc.
I do think it would be easier not to work but financially that's not an option, despite childcare being expensive. It will drop when DD3 starts school thank goodness!
boardergirl · 14/07/2011 10:22
I have 3dc and work 2 days. It's really hard getting us all out of the house on work days - my days off are so much new relaxed!
If you can afford it get a cleaner - I wish I could. I hate wasting my non work days with housework which is why our house is a tip!
I have been doing an easy no brainer job for a few years but am about to start something more challenging that will require more commitment and effort. Exciting but I am worried about having the time and energy for everything.
Go for the 3rd - its brilliant having 3. You won't regret it!
boardergirl · 14/07/2011 10:23
More not new!
moonwalk · 14/07/2011 15:56
peppa - 60 hours! wow.. I wish I had that kind of energy :)
nicobean - am hoping that a third pregnancy will just run by itself without me getting absorbed into it (of course I also would like to enjoy a last pregnancy, but I definitely cannot take any time out..
dementedma - "yes, you can have a career and 3 children, as long as you are prepared to be permanently exhausted and give up any personal time!"
have already given up my personal time (ALL of it..)
Sidge - wow, really a juggling act
boardergirl - thanks for encouraging me to go for the 3rd :o
RogerMelly · 14/07/2011 15:59
I have the same situation to sidge in that I have a disabled child and two others and I find it really hard to do anything other than part time. I have actually actively chosen not to work atm but we are really struggling so i willmost probably go back soon but I think it's alot harder with 3 than 2, but I would have rather have had 3 children and love my third dearly :)
peppapighastakenovermylife · 14/07/2011 19:04
I wish - just more of a necessity in my field than a sign of energy. Flexible though so I do a good 20 hours of that at home.
Sidge · 14/07/2011 20:55
RogerMelly I can't imagine working any more hours than I do now tbh. Full time (or anything remotely near it), when you have a disabled child, would just not be feasible for me. Just the idea of having to jiggle work to get to all the appointments we have, let alone school stuff, is exhausting. And as for the day to day stuff that needs doing as well....
I adore having my 3 and wouldn't be without them but I admit that it's hard work trying to maintain a career and raise them, AND retain some semblance of order at home. Oh and retain some semblance of my sanity too
RogerMelly · 15/07/2011 13:58
I know what you mean sidge and in the past if I have taken on full time work it has made me inevitably ill (one with pnuemonia, twice with pluerisy!)
2or3 · 04/01/2012 11:19
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