Would like number 3

[hmmmtricky]

Hi - just a quick post to see how any of you might have dealt with this situation, which must happen all the time...

I really want a third child (DS is 3, DD is 21 months) but DH is currently about "80%" convinced he doesn't. Financially, we can afford it, although DH says it will have a "huge impact on us financially". It will change our life, obviously, but we can definitely afford it. The weird thing is that DH was completely up for having "three under three". I wasn't! The 16 month gap between the two was a bit too short for me. However, now we are getting past the "baby stage", he's not sure he wants to go back to it again.

I find it very hard to accept that he was happy to have three under three but is now pretty strongly against having a third. I work full time (and then some), and went back to work both times when the baby was 7 months old. I'm planning to downsize my career anyway (whether or not we have a third) and am getting really really broody. Happy to stop at 3 though so this is really about "larger families" as I think having 3 children is within the bounds of "medium sized families". Just didn't know where to post! It's causing a bit of tension between us as I keep wanting to discuss it.

Do you think I should maybe not mention it for 6 months or so? I'm 36 so don't want to leave it too long as risks etc go up. Actually, I think that's one of DH's concerns - we've been lucky that DS and DD are healthy and happy and he really doesn't want to risk any problems with number 3. Also, ideally, I'd like there not to be much of an age gap between numbers 2 and 3.

I think DS and DD would be quite happy for another baby to be around. DS will be at school by the time the next one arrives (or will be by the time my maternity leave ends) and I'm sure DD would like a little brother or sister eventually... Any thoughts on how to persuade DH to come round!? (There's no way I'm having an "accident" though, don't worry...!)

Thank you!!

Sorry - typo - meant to say this isn't really about larger families....

We were the opposite way round, I originally wanted 4 and we had 15 month age gap. But then I found it really hard, got ill in the first year with the two of them, dd2 was very clingy and a non-sleeper so I became less keen. DH was still more than happy to have another straight away.

I don't think you can "persuade" him, my personal feeling is that giving it a bit of time off (no mentioning as you say) is a good idea. That's what we did and I came round to the idea as dd2 got easier and also as she got older - we had friends expecting no.3 and I realised I was feeling a bit broody....

I am now 37 and expecting dc3 any day now. There will be a much bigger gap (3 years between dc2 and dc3) but that will be fine too I think. Basically we're delighted, it happened straight away and fingers crossed all is fine so far. I umm'ed and aah'ed and agonised about this decision for ages but once I was pregnant it was really exciting again

Maybe give yourself a few months to not mention it and then revisit it with him again (round the time your dc2 will be 2)? Good luck.

Ah, thanks NorkilyChallenged (great name by the way....). I think I knew that anyway really.... I can't persuade him anymore than he can persuade me that I don't want a third. dc1 was a terrible sleeper (only just started sleeping through now, aged 3 and 1 month) but dc2 has always been amazing and slept through (from "dream feed" to 7/8 a.m. at 4 weeks!) - not that it made much difference as have been up between 2 and 8 times a night with dc1 for the last 3 years.

I'll try very hard to bite my tongue for as long as I can. Good luck with dc3! Very exciting...