How did you decide on more?

[Flossie2]

Silly title but can't think what else to put! I have three lovely children 7, 5 abd 2 but I find myself inceasingly thinking about having just one more. I am so torn as it seems like such a big decision, much more so than when I had the others. Am worried about the pregnancy, how I would manage physically, how I would cope with four... Does it have any effect on the others? Do they miss out on attention and mummy time? I am a SAHM and my husband seems quite keen for another which I guess is half the battle. Sorry, a long post but so many things to think about before making a decision on a fourth. Any thoughts from mums much appreciated. Thanks.

I am currently 20 weeks Pg with number 4. It was a difficult decision for us, we only live in a 3 bedroom terrace house and we need a new car.

We had the first 3DC without much time in between (DD7 DS1-6 DS2-4) So we left a larger gap this time. If I has the choice I think I would have done it sooner as this is my major worry.

We made the decision in the end cause we felt our family wasn't complete and if we didn't do it now we would never do it, and we would live to regret it if we never did it.

However everyone is different and also have their own reasons, ultimately you will make the choice that suits you best. Good luck.

Watching with great interest as i could have written your post, its on my mind day and night. We have three 4 (nearly5) 2 (nearly3), and 1.

Just not sure if i could cope, ive found 2-3 bit more difficult than 1-2.

The thought of loading four into the car puts me off

For me I tend not to over think things... But thats the way I am, I can be quite impulsive and jump in before my brain kicks in...

No4 was probably my most thinking one. We had just had a lil girl with downs, could it happen again, she had a poorly heart too and complication as a baby, and did we want to go through that again etc... But at the end of the day we decided go on lets have a go, we knew we would cope, but we also knew there would be challenges.

5th one was sooo much easier to decide, and no6 was a lil bit of a surprise

Rilith i wish i was more like you - bit impulsive! If so i would be pregnant with no4 now!

Instead im the complete opposite and completely think about everything from minor details to big changes, i wish i could switch my brain off at times lol

Yes, please tell. My dcs are nearly the same ages as threecurrantbuns and dc4 is on my mind a lot

sobloodystupid how have you found going from 2-3!

Ive found it unexpectly hard, i knew if would obviously be fairly hard 3under4 for 6mths but still found it a bit more of a jump than i expected esp as i found 1-2 fine and there was only 21mth gap.

Think im worried if 3-4 is a jump again then it might be a case of me biting off more than i can chew!

We couldn't afford it and life was already hard coping with 3 young ones but we knew we didn't feel complete. No 4 was born when DCs were 7, 5 and 3.

No 5 was a 'surprise' 18 months later - which made having four seem a doddle!

We were both broody and impulsive - a dangerous combination - but I am hugely glad that I cured my broodiness and will never, ever have the feeling of wondering what the next one would have been like.

oh threecurrantbuns I found it very difficult. Dc2 was only 7 months when I found I was pg and he didn't walk until nearly 2 so I had 2 little non walkers. I love the dcs of course but I feel like the family isn't complete yet. We really cannot afford dc4 atm but I am still hoping that somehow it might happen. Dcs are now 4.5, 2 and 9 months and it is a bit easier now but I am working full time and dh is being made redundant...ok, I'm blabbing now

Mine are now 4 (5 in june) 3 in april and 1 at the end of the month.

If we decide to go fro 4 in a way i would like to do it soon so all the gaps are similar but realistically i know that it would be too hard, me and dh said if we go ahead then it should be in jan so ill would have two at school when baby arrived, that also gives us a while longer to be sure...my it is driving me insane thinking about it, like you its been hard have no3 but still dont feel complete feel like no4 would complete our family then dh would have the snip...ok so now im waffling lol

Our biggest prob would be the car issues, we could stretch financial but it would mean the children couldnt do lots of extra curricular activities, Budget hols, birthdays etc

threecurrantbuns et al - for what it's worth I think you should go for it.

I found going from 2 to three much harder than going from three to four.

I know I don't know you buns but the frequency with which you're on these thinking of having another one threads makes me think that it's not a case of if but when, which I completely understand, BTW.

You sound just like I felt about having a fourth - like it's something you need to do and I don't think you'll rest until you have your 4th baby - again I totally understand this feeling.

I've been feeling like posting 'Just do it!' to you for a while!

I know you can't immediately, but when you do you will cope just fine. There are some real hair raising moments and it's not easy, but mums of two will say that too, and mums of one!

Rilith - you're a constant inspiration to me!

misfitless your right i have been a bit obsessive ott on the another child threads

Suppose having another whether it be the 2nd,3rd,4th etc seems a big decision so feel better if im prepared for what may be.

I too keep thinking, 'just go for it' but then the little sensible bit steps in with all the what ifs and buts!

I remember going through all the same threads and dilemas with no3 and ended up with number3 So watch this space

Think although i shouldnt i worry what people will think/say if i have another and find it difficult, people will just be liek you made your choice. I sometimes feel like mil people think i should never find it hard with three as i made my bed etc

But like you pointed out everyone will get bad days 1 or 4 children!

And i agree completely with your comment to Rilith

I know what you mean. It's sometimes as if it's ok to struggle with two, because that's a socially acceptable number of children to give birth to, so therefore you retain the right to struggle, whereas any above and beyond two is like you've forfeited the right to have a bad day .

I must say, though, I get far more 'I don't know how you cope...you cope so well' complimentary type comments than negative ones.

It is great and fun and sometimes a struggle and I cope like everyone else - by doing my best!

PS - Just do it

Buns - sorry. I've shot myself in the foot now and am going to come unstuck and will be found out (nevermind).
It's Misfitless with a namechange. I have name changed so that I can post without my DP finding out as he knows my Misfitless name and I didn't want him reading a particular post. Unfortunately I forgot to change my name back again. Damn it!
Didn't think anyone to think I was game playing or being wierd so thought I'd better explain. Apologies!

DOOOOO ITTTTTTT !!!!

Go for it hun, you sooo obviously want it

You will find it hard at first, adjusting to the school runs etc, but after a lil while you will just adapt and people will look at you in awe

and as for inspriration, trust me sometimes I get things very wrong, and my house is a constant mess :p but its my life and I love it

My house is always a mess with three so i would be green with if yours was tidy.

I think its going to happen suppose i just thought maybe with time this unbelievable broodiness will go, and i can just go back to enjoying sleep

Although if im going to do it maybe it should be sooner as im used to surviving on small amount of sleep atm.

I think i really would love a 4th 'child' but its the minus9 to 1 part that scares me...i would have to gear myself up for another pregnancy and first yr!

Dont get me wrong i love those squidgy newborn bits but the sleep deprivation and feed times is what ive found hard with no3, not so much because of being up in the night i get used to it, but not so easy to keep to little one out and about and have a a newborn getting it feed/nap when its wanted.

But hey ho ive managed it this year with some organisation and breaking my day into sections, so one more time wouldnt hurt would it? but it def gets easier when the reach the point of no nap etc so you can just get up and go iyswim!

we have always got up and gone anyway regardless of nap times etc... the only thing I liked was to keep meal times regular. Sleep they will do in the car, pushchair, sling what ever :p Food, well there is only one real place for that and thats around a table somewhere :D

Relax chick and enjoy the impending chaos

threecurrantbuns let me know when you decide to go ahead, might give me the push I need. Dh's colleague left work today at 1 to start maternity leave, she had her baby at 3.30! I feel all broody

Will do...just watched one born and feeling all broody...no4 is still on my mind all the time, but still held back by alot of the same worries you posted in your original post.

If we go ahead it we have said dec would be a good time to go for it. I figure i will know for sure by then what i want to do as my youngest will be 21mth and i will either be thinking i dont want to step back into baby days or i do and def wouldnt want much more of a gap if can be helped.

Any decisions made your end?

im in the mood for no5

"slaps face" no im not honest im not............help!

hubby would have me baking babies forever if he had his way, he loves the kids and is a fantastic father

but im not sure how many more years of sleep dep i can take ( 10yrs and counting)
then my squidgy side kicks in and tells me none of that matters and that i can sleep when im dead lol

ive not really got much of an excuse not to have another, the cars plenty big enough, the house is large enough to split rooms up and make space ect and well i was never one for foreign hols so camping does us just fine

ok i think i may of just convinced myself to go do some baby dancing !

belly

This isnt promising for me if we have a4th im sure i wouldnt want anymore

Think once a healthy squidgy baby arrived dh would be off for the snip

LOL Belly, you sound like me :p

Sleep is for the weak anyway .. LOL

ahh Rilith at least im not the only nutter round here
and yes sleep is for the weak....after all nothing a good coffee cant cure

threecurrant if i even suggested the snip to hubby he would be horrified may have to take things into my own hands (bricks maybe?)

I only have one and if I am lucky will have another, but if time/circumstances allowed I would have loved four.

My ex is one of four, my best friend is one of four and I know several other families of four plus (my aunt has five, my uncle has four). They are all happy families, it seems to be a better dynamic than three somehow!

Obviously there are the practical issues of four - ex's sibs were spread over a huge age range so car not a problem, but best friend's parents had a minibus not a car!

Sounds like you could cope financially and your husband is keen so go for it! Good luck :)