2 at high school, should i have a third?

[questionmysanity]

I've been hovering around these boards for a while now looking at peoples thoughts on having a third child and I thought it was about time I stopped hovering and started posting!

We have 2 children already DS 14 and DD 10( nearly 11 who will be starting high school in september). I love them to bits but I've been thinking for a while now that I'd really love a third child. At the age of 35 I don't think I'm past it but at the same time I think that if we are to go ahead then now is the time.

I read someone else's comments about how they feel that having another child now they're older would enable them to use the experience they've gained so far and the added patience that comes with age. They said they want to make each moment count and make the most of each day without worrying about every tiny little things and constantly wishing for the next milestone that you do with your first children. When I read this I couldn't believe it, it was as though she was saying what was in my head (if that makes sense?!).

Basically though, what I want to know is......am I crazy? Do I really want a third child or am I just feeling broody because my other children are growing up and moving on and not so dependant on me. I do think my children would be wonderful with another one as they're both very sensible and caring. Hubby is undecided but definitely hasn't flat out said no so the decision is still up in the air.

Any advice from you larger family mum's and especially those with bigger age gaps would be extremely appreciated.

I can't tell you to do it or not, that is totally between you and DH. But if it were me, I'd invest that free time in me, take some courses, do an MA, learn new crafts, join a book club or something like that. Are you sure you are wanting a baby and not something to fill the void?

It's hard isn't it? Mine are 7 and 3 and I feel like we're just moving out of the baby stage and past the terrible twos (and they have been terrible) and moving into a really nice phase. So why do I want to go back to the beginning? But I do, and I'm 38 so would really have to get my skates on (if indeed it were to ever happen - four year gap between 1 and 2 was not planned, just took a while to conceive).
I have no advice, just to say, you're not alone.

HI questionmysanity - I'm with DrSeuss.
If it were me, I'd be concerned that as he/she gets older DC3 would feel left out. If I were going to have another one, it would have to be two IYSWIM, otherwise I feel that DC3 would almost be like an only child. That might not make sense to anyone but me, but I know what I mean!

Hi I have a 13 year old and a ten year old and we decided a few years ago that another would be nice.

He is now 2, but the same as misfitless I didnt want him to be lonely so DC4 is due in the summer.

I know exactly what you mean as I felt the same. The older 2 are a unit and I wanted that again.

My eldest is 14(DS1), my youngest, (DS3), is 4 months. 7 (DS2) and 5 (DD) year old inbetween.

DS3 was a BIG surprise but I have been amazed at how his arrival has impacted upon the family dynamics.

DS2 and DD are a unit but they already include DS3 in their games, they do dance routines to entertain him, he sits in bumbo with them while they have breakfast, they love helping me with nappies, fetching breastpads, read him stories etc.

But the best for me has been the relationship developing between DS1 and DS3. DS1 adores his baby brother. He has wanted to be involved since he was born and has bathed him (with me hovering!) he is the 1st person that talks to in the morning. I have caught him just sitting and watching him as he sleeps. It has had the knock on effect of DS1 and me spending more time together as DS1 wants to be around DS3 so much.

I really worried about how a baby would effect our family and so far the positives outweigh the negatives immensely.

My two DDs were 14 and 11 when I had my third DC.

My DS is now 10, I have loved every minute of it. I cherish every moment as I know how quickly the years pass.

My DD is now 25 and available for babysitting whenever I need her.

My dds were 10&7 when I had ds. Now he's nearly 4 and dc 4 is due in July.

I can't help with working out whether it's broodiness or not. I'm perpetually broody!

My eldest is 15 youngest 2 with a 9 and an 8 year old in the middle. Someone called it three plus one (about their family) and I thought that was a great description! My children adore their little brother. They play with him for hours. Its really brought out the best in them all.

Its been wonderful having a little one again. We all enjoy all the funny things he does.

I really struggled with a small age gap. They both suffered as I found it hard to give them the attention they neeeded. They have never got on very well on a day to day basis. I am a big fan of big age gaps as for our family they have worked the best.

I like the other posters can say if it is broodiness as like alot of the other Mums I still feel it now and am forever considering a 5th.

You could do an MA and have a baby!!!!

What do your family think of the idea?

Thank you all for your heartfelt replies. As far as keeping myself occupied goes, I have already completed a BSc in the last few years and also have a very active social life running a choir, participating in sport and I'm also a keen crafter. This honestly, isn't my reason for wanting another child and I'm not trying to fill a gap. I would just very much like the opportunity to do it all again but with more time and patience to allow me to savour every minute. We've still not made a decision anyhow and certainly aren't rushing into anything. Will keep talking and let you know the outcome ;)