almost certainly pg with 3rd and scared

[100sweeties]

This is my first post. I have 2 lovely D's aged 21/2 and 5 years. We had a rocky time when D2 was born due to jealousy from my eldest and I felt terribly guilty. All worked out ok in the end as these things do. They now get on beautifully - although are still competitive for attention and my youngest, whilst a very happy girl, more insecure than her older sister. SO it's all got a bit easier. Hey me and my DH are even have a sex life again. Then I hit 40 and go all broody - or sort of - and start thinking about a 3rd. Then almost as soon as I have thought it - bingo, I am PG again. At least I think I am. Too scared to do test, only a day late but feeling VERY strange. Sicky. Jumpy. Not myself.

The truth is I am now terrified. My worries are in this order.

1. I really don't want my younger daughter to have middle child syndrome. She is a bit less confident than her sister and is just finding her separate identity. What am I doing to her? how can I make it a positive experience for her.
2. WHAT IF IT"S TWINS?????????!!!!!**!!
3. My DH and I were just beginning to find each other again and now I feel like I am disappearing from the adult world again into Mummydom.
4. We can't afford help at home - will I be able to cope? I am a great mum but not a very organised one and I think I set the bar too high sometimes...

This makes me sound pretty stupid for having got into this situation if I have so many concerns, but I guess underneath there is still a feeling of excitement (or is that just adrenaline?) - and a sense that, OK, this is the last time. Let's enjoy it.

Sorry such a long post - and probably nothing new here but had to get it out. Hands shaking as I write this.

Ok. I'll try to address all your points:

1. middle child syndrome happens. DD2 had it when ds was born. We are now having #4 to even things out again! But it can be reduced if you are aware and cut her some slack (without going overboard and spoiling her
2. I had this with #4 - I was terrified it was twins. It wasn't
3. you will find yourself again. Try not even to lose yourself - it is possible
4. You will cope. I promise. The biggest jump is 0-1. 1-2 is bad but not as bad. 2-3 is a doddle!

If you are pg and it is the last time then DO enjoy it. Make sure DDs are aware of what is happening and include them in everything (unless they go into denial in which case don't push it). Make certain jobs their responsibility but give each of them a different role ie one of them gets to hand you the clean nappy, one of them is towel monitor at bathtime etc. Never allow the other to do another's job.

Above all, get to a shop woman and get a test! And then come back and let me know. If you are it will be ok. I promise.

100sweeties, I send you a BIG HUG! There seems to be so much thinking going on with you at present.

Everything will be fine. Take one day at a time.

I have four kids and childmind five. I am still learning myself. Enjoy every moment as the children grow up so quickly. Sometimes we do have concerns but there is help available. My oldest is now 15 I remember him being born early weighing only 3 lbs 5 ozs, I remember the tears etc.

Let DH know how you are feeling. What about family and friends? There is also home help that is available.

In the middle of everything congratulations!!

Every child is different, they re act differently to situations. Prepar them through books and talking. If poss spend as much time with them before the baby is born.

Whatever support I can offer you I will. You sound like a lovely caring mum who wants the best for her children.

Life is busy but my kids are worth it. i have had my rewarding moments and my challenges but I do not regret any of it.

All the very best, and remember take one day at a time. Everything will be alright with your relationship, you children and the beautiful baby that you are carrying.

Ah - do a test pleeeease!
The others have given very good advice which I agree with.
Regarding your DD2 don't assume the worst. Being a big sister was the making of my third child. She absolutely relishes not being the youngest and I often say to my DP 'she was always meant to be a big sister!' She's great at it and I can see her chest swell with pride when I tell her what a brilliant big sister she is!
DD2 might not be jealous at all, and as DD1 is an old hat at this I'm sure you won't have the same difficulties as last time.
Good luck - I'm sure you will be fabulous and don't be so hard on yourself.

Please let us know the result!

thanks for your friendly reassurance and advice. Yes I have now done a test and ...IT WAS NEGATIVE!! feeling really stupid as I was so convinced - feeling sick and everything. I am now a little disappointed of course , but it was actually was a pretty good exercise in focusing my feelings on the idea of number3. And it also made me glad to have joined Mumsnet because you don't even know me and yet you were really kind and warm, it nearly brought a tear to my eye! (nothing to do with PMT honest!)
we'll see what happens next I guess
x

Oh I'm gutted!
Don't feel silly sweets, I've wasted spent so much money on pregnancy tests over the years. Even when I'd already had four pregnancies (so should have known better) I bought one, it read negative so bought a second as thought it was faulty because I was such an expert and knew I was pregnant (I wasn't!).
Are you going to go for baby number three then, do you think?
I also know that feeling of initially being horrified and then gutted when you're not, by the way!

I'm gutted too

Give it a few weeks before you act in any way. The fact you're gutted now may or may not be a true reflection of your feelings.

Though I must admit, I've had 3 for the last 4 years and I love it

Lovely of you to feel gutted for me ladies. I am ok.

Kind of freaks me out that I could have been SO out of tune with my body to be 100% convinced that I was PG. I even started hauling out a few bedtime stories for the kids about new babies etc.. They were pretty non plussed.

Planning to have a relaxed holiday then review the situation on our return. What this experience has reminded me is that it probably isn't as easy to get pregnant at this age as I think. I mean it's not as if one is having sex every day anyway with 2 kids (back me up here ladies..) - and that, combined with a declining fertility - well it's probably harder than I think to fall Pg with a 3rd without a bit of careful planning.

Which is probably a good thing as it makes me take responsibility for the decision rather than falling into it if you see what I mean.

xx

Have a great holiday. Re sex - I'm with you ...not quite literally there with you ... but I understand where you are coming from IYSWIM !

You mean you're not all shagging twice a day? I'll have to have words with DH

Actually, he's lucky if I manage once a week at the moment - my bump is getting bigger by the day which means I'm feeling less and less sexy... or like sex.