When one child has a friend over what do your other children do?

[letsgetloud]

I have four children. Dd1 8, dd2 5, dd3 3 and ds 8 months.

when dd1 has a friend over (she only really has two friends over) I jsut let her little sisters go up and play with them. At first dd1 protested but I said they all had to play together or she could not have friends over.

Dd2 has had one friend over and again they all played together. Dd1 got bored of dd2 and her friend and stopped playing with them after 10 mins or so. Dd3 who is two years younger than her sister and her sister's friend didn't get bored and they all played together.

I could hear dd2's friend not sharing and playing as nicely with dd3 as her big sister was. I just sort of let it go as dd2 was being extra nice to her to make up for the friend.

Now I feel awful (after reading another thread) which sort of said the parent shoudl allow the child and the friend to play together without siblings interfering etc. Suggesting that the parent could do things with the children who didn't have the friend over, so as child who had friend over could play together uninterrupted.

How do you overcome this? If I got paints etc out for dd3 to do in kitchen with me and baby then I know dd2 and friend would want to join in.

Also, dd2 is really fond of a little girl who I have been trying to invite over for her. I know if this girl comes over, dd2 would dearly love to play with her herself without dd3. I just don't know how I enable that.

Mine are 14yrs ,5 yrs (DS), 3yrs (DD) and 13 months (DD).

Obviously I don't include DD1 in this as she's way to mature and sophisticated !

When DS aged 5 has friends round DD aged 3 joins in and DS and his friends are quite happy for this to happen. If DD gets bored I usually put the TV on tbh because at that time I certainly don't have time to be supervising painting or anything else.

The only problem arises with one particular friend who can be quite unkind to DD, but this child is like part of our family and I have no qualms about telling them that if DD is not allowed to play I will phone said child's mum and he'll have to go home.

This is only becasue our families are so close and the DCs from that family are as much part of DD's life as they are my DS's life IFSWIM.

If DS and school friends wanted time to themselves I wouldn't make them play with my other DCs as this wouldn't really be fair IMO. I'd just let DD watch TV or she'll chat to me, play with her baby sister or the dog if that happened.

My DD is a real tom boy though and loves star wars, battles and running around as much as DS and his friends.

They usually play dens/hide and seek/tag and TBH with those games the more the merrier so it makes sense for them to let her play.

Mine are 14 (ds), 9 (ds), 8 (dd) and 2 (ds), 3 in a couple of month.

If my dd has a friend round she always lets ds 2 play with them, although he is treated rather like a doll and always re-appears working make up and ribbons in his curly blonde hair (he loves it)!!

I think its up to the child. If they really don't want them then I don't think anyone would have a particularily postive expereince but if they are all happy why not. My daughter also plays outside and then my son stays in the house so she does have time alone with her friend. But be led by the children, if they have a good time why not. Although the more the merrier does tend to be a common phrase in our house!!

I'm kind of like you, OP; I can't realistically occupy extra DC when there's a guest.

In our case, DC3 usually barges in and insists on playing with anybody else's visitor. It's not realistic for me to play with DC3 to keep him out of their way -- DC3 wouldn't have it, anyway.

Other DC do not insist on playing with any visitor, just DC3. It is a Pain.

I always invite a friend for each child. Looks crazy but there is method in my madness. Everyone is happy. Horrendous mess when everyone has gone home though!

ragged - I know it is a nightmare. I have thought about warning dc3 beforehand that she has to let dc2 and friend play by themselves. This would just upset dc3 further. Don't think it would work.

annieapple - a couple of mums I know do the" all siblings have their friends over at same time". Dc3 has not had any friends back yet so I would need to invite her friend along with friends mum. Don't think I am brave enough for that and all dc's friends.

When dc3 starts school though, it will be the easiest solution.

I haven't actually had mine yet :) am still pregnant! but i'm 20, and when I used to go to my best friends house after school, she had a sister who was a year younger and a brother who was three years younger. her mum had a rule that the younger ones were allowed to play with us until tea, then after tea the hour before my mum came, we had to be left to play by ourselves!

i think under the age of about 7, running around games are 'the more the merrier'. but i think after that its fair to give them their space. The friend didn't come round to play with someones baby sister... i'd deffinatley go for the sharing rule before tea, and a bit of space after!

It varies. If dd has a friend over sometimes ds plays with them as well, sometimes dd and her friend don't really want him to and he will play by himself or help me cook. I do tend to invite the ones who play well with ds more though.

There have also been times when dd has had a boy from her class over who has spent the whole time playing lego with ds (2 years younger).

For me, inviting a friend for each of them doesn't necessarily seem to work out that well. Often we end up with three children playing happily together and one pestering me.

I have this issue - DS always wants to join in with DD1 and DD2 makes most by getting me to herself or by joining in as well. Unfortunately with some friends they can turn on DS and then I have to intervene.

I am hoping it improves as DS gets older and can have his friends over then I expect DD2 will be the issue.

I'm not sure there is a right answer - it depends on the DC involved.

I try to give them some time together but also insist on some "shared" time as well. Often though I just ask the friends siblings as well then everyone is happy (except me when they've all left and I'm clearing up!! LOL)

I have a child locally who is an absolute bitch to my younger daughter when she comes to play with the middle one but my child is gutted if she cannot come to play so we have this routine every time of 5 mins playing nicely and then howling and screaming as the door is slammed in the little ones face.
I try to keep out of it until it goes pear shaped and then me and DD3 do something far more exciting together without them.