does anyone else worry about what other people think?

[verybusyspider]

We are meant to be trying for no4, dh on board but every now and again we have a wobble - today its how my family (let alone work) will react. Friends will be great, my mum I'm not so sure about...
is it just me?

jump from 3 to 4 is hardest i found!

i have 5. but going from 3 usaually means the obvious bigger car,possibly house etc,so harder to kind of justify, not that you should care what they all think!!

I was very worried about telling my mum - but then she implied I should have an abortion with DC3 .

Yes I was worried tbh but we didn't tell people we were ttc. (We weren't ttc - we always knew we wanted a 4th DC but conceived a lot earlier than expected!).

SO we only told people I was pregnant. That didn't stop the barrage of negative comments, though. Be prepared for negative comments - I wish I had been.

I got loads of people saying 'You are mad...how will you cope with 4?..etc.

If I had my time again I'd have this standard reply at the ready:

"I know what you mean - most people can only cope one DC / 2 DC's and I respect anyone's choice to have only 1 child/2 children - each to their own!" IF this is too harsh you could have your own response ready to say through gritted teeth.

My mum's favourite for lots of situations is
"But how will you cope...?"

She's not much of a coper herself tbh and I always say
"Where will not coping get me, mum?.. I'll just get on with it like I always do!"

Having 4 is brilliant. Good luck with ttc

I have 5 DSs and most people are omg how do you cope, I usually say yes I am busy but its great fun!
I was out for lunch this week and a lovely young italian waitress said OhI hope thats me one day.
Which is the nicest comment from any stranger
Anyway who cares

When I told my best friend she said omg was it an accident!! Maybe you could start mentioning to people about no. 4 and you may minimise the comments but you won't avoid them altogether. But as others have said its no one business but you and your partner.

Its fantastic having 4 - everyone is different and people should respect that!

I worry about when I need help for stuff, I feel bad leaving 3 with my mum and dad even though they offer and say its ok, I just can't image them wanting to have 4...
does anyone struggle with babysitters/occassional childcare (family or otherwise) main issue I have at mo is mine are 4,3 and 1, we want small age gaps but somethings struggle for help to get to things like doctors, school, hospital appointments, I'm probably overthinking it!

Hi verybusyspider

Hubby and I have just decided to go for #4 after much more deliberation on his side than mine. A lot of his worries boil down to what people will think. Especially his parents me thinks!
I couldn't give a toss what will be said both to our faces or behind our backs as I know this is the right decision for us.
We will more than likely not answer the accident/planned question. Its no one else's business

Our other concern was the ages of our 3 other children. If I conceive in the next few months when #4 arrives I will have a 15, 13 and 9 year old as well as a newborn. He again worried over comments this may get us but once again I couldn't care less. They are much more independent now and can do things for themselves. When we had #3 the other 2 were much younger but I found so long as I had some sort of routine all fell into place quite nicely. I just had forward plan and make sure things like school lunches, bags and uniforms were prepared the night before. I would often be up feeding early so baby would sleep once it was time to get on with the morning routine.

We don't really do going out so haven't had problems with childcare. Though the older 2 are ok for a hour or 2 by themselves now though. We have always lived away from close family so never had that to relay on though are lucky that my parents will take all 3 for some holidays and stuff. They are all going down to spend 3 weeks with them in the summer

Gawd I can waffle

My

I would dread telling my family if I had number 4....my sister wants to have a second child and would think I was being greedy and hog all the avilable childcare from our parents!

I found it very difficult to tell my parents when we were expecting dc4. They knew that we wanted a large family because I had had 3 miscarriages but they still made a production.

(They thought that #3 was already excessive since both genders were already represented..)

The good thing is that they fell in love with both of the 'extra' grandchildren once they were born.

Telling them about our desire for further children is another story. I have had two late missed mc since db4 and my mum actually asked me two days after an emergency d&c if dh and I had decided which of us would be sterilized?!

I think it is sad that loving parents who long to have big families should have to worry about feeling judged on top of everything else.

verybusyspider I hope that you and your dh can make a decision without worrying ovary much about what others think.

I re thought it...
I think its hard now because mine are so little but when the yougest is about 5-6 then I can imagine it would be much more managable for others, at the moment ds2 still needs help sometimes with things like going to the toilet (he's just 3) and ds3 is just a toddler.
annieapple I'm lucky in a lot of ways that both parents have said they don't want to have the children for regular childcare, I prefer this then I don't have to worry about the burden on then or sharing available free childcare with the rest of my family, they offer what they want to, my only worry is asking people to babysit or if I do have appointments and its not great to take them all, I'll just have to split them up

still worried about what people will say though, I'm sure they'll comment that our house is too small too...

Yes I was worried. My parents were devastated from no 3 onwards but once the baby/ies was here were fine. they are very much of the '2 kids are enough' mentality.

I have four. If we were going to have a fifth I would not worry about what other people thought. It personal. It's your decision.

Not planning on having anymore though