Rules for 8 and 6 year old around newborn?

[DreamingofFour]

I'd love to know what rules other MNetters have for older children ( 6 and 8) around a newborn. Mine are very keen to hold the baby and help but they also want to walk around with her and i worry that they might be unwittingly too rough with her. (There don't seem to be any jealousy issues). Do you always watch the older kids or do you let them be in next door room? All advice would be welcome

bump

Good question, I've pondered this. I had 3 children between 4 and 8 when my twins were born, and also as our house has lots of separate rooms it was pretty difficult impossible to be in the same room to police any rules. What worked best for us was to mostly leave the babies upstairs in sleeping times, rather than bringing them down and being in bouncy chairs amongst the others. Rather than setting rules limiting conduct, I actually had to rely on the children for a bit of help / spare pairs of hands, which is a bit controversial (but needs must etc).

At the time (and looking back) I was overwhelmed with how instinctively and lovingly they welcomed the twins, and would protect them quite naturally from any danger. Of course I praised gentle behaviour to encourage it, but wonder retrospectively whether setting rules and boundaries which they found difficult might have actually caused jealousy of the babies.

Not sure if I was so relaxed with my 3rd, but thought this might give you one perspective..... all the best with the solution you find!

Oh, I had one firm rule - no carrying babies up or down the stairs. [They wanted to do this to help me, as I would only take one at a time.] They accepted this when I explained the dangers.

My eldest two DSs were 5 and 4, then 7 and 6 when DSs3 and 4 came along (my goodness, that reads really confusing: I have 4 boys, now aged almost 8, 7, 3 and 10/12).

The only 'rules' we ever had WRT to the latest baby was No Carrying Around. I always allowed them to hold their new brother: sitting right back on a sofa, their receiving arm support by a cushion and a responsible adult hovering nearby. I have never worried leaving them together in a room with the baby on a playmat and me just nipping out.

The 2 older ones are brilliant with new babies, v protective and gentle. DS3 who was 2 when No4 arrived however... but that's toddlers for you - they are all psychopaths a law upon themselves !

I also feel it is a good thing to get them involved in looking after the baby without making them feel it is their 'job' (my DS1 takes everything awfully seriously and I have to watch that he does not assume parental responibilities for his younger brothers).

BTW, the now sturdy, crawling 10 month old loves being held (and carried ) by his eldest brother. And tickled - he gives bellylaughs and giggles of a unique intensitiy when DS1 plays with him

Enjoy them together!

I have 4 dcs. the older ones were 11,9 and 8 when the littlest appeared. My only rule was not on the stairs. They have been so protective and loving. I did encourage them not to walk around too much with him when out at first - now we get lots of comments about how lovely it is to see them altogether and how confident they are with him. ds4 in turn adores his big brothers and his face lights up when he sees them.

I have 3DS (nearly 6, 3 and 18 weeks).

No one is allowed to carry the baby around or pick him up on their own.

They can hold, cuddle, play with him as long as they've got a grown up with them.

Like pacific I encourage them to help but do not make it their responsibility to look after or take responsibility for younger siblings. That happened in DH family and I really don't like it.

DS1 & 2 have loved DS3 from day 1 and we have yet to go through any jealousy or tension as a result of his arrival.

In fact DS1 & 2 ask quite frequently when we'll have more babies

my 9 and 7 year olds were fantastic with the baby.They followed my lead.were always loving and gentle.I let them do most things but no carrying up or down stairs.
Ds was just 4 when ds2 was born I had to keep a closer eye on him and guide him a little more.He never walked around with the baby.He would only kill him with toooo much love iykwim
It depends on the child you will know what they are capable of and they will also grow into their roles with some gentle teaching.

One rule I rate is you can only hold her when you're sitting down. That prevents just so much potential trouble.