What is your middle child like?
OdyMandrell · 17/12/2010 15:53
For the last 18 months since my DS3 was born, I have been pondering how I would love to be able to see a parallel universe - to see whether my DS2 would have been any different had he not become a middle child. Did that factor change his behaviour? Or would he have been exactly the same anyway? I'm fascinated to find out other peoples' thoughts and experiences.
sarah293 · 17/12/2010 15:56
OdyMandrell · 17/12/2010 16:00
Did you experience any jealousy from either of yours when their younger siblings were born?
sarah293 · 17/12/2010 16:02
loler · 17/12/2010 16:05
My family all say that DS1 was born to be a middle child - not sure what that means but he can be incredibly difficult (he is currently stood next to me crying because I/he can't find something that we've spent ages looking for), but he is also really aware of how other people are feeling. It will be him that comes and gives me a cuddle when I'm a bit down.
Having discussed this with other 3 childed friends, I think in general (and up to the ages I've got 7, 5 and 3)
first borns seem to get attention by being good at things and trying to please (dd does have strops and isn't always an angel but she trys)
seconds by being naughty, difficult and shouty
thirds by being cute and funny (but also by getting the rest of the family to do everything their way).
DS1 is very up and down, he is either the best child in the world or satan - no middle ground. The other 2 mainly coast along. Having ds1 makes life interesting
Also interested to see what other people say.
loler · 17/12/2010 16:07
I should add that looking and myself and my sisters we still play these generalised roles!
OdyMandrell · 17/12/2010 16:14
Wow. After having your first 3 so close together, did you find that you had more opportunity to enjoy dc4 - while the other 3 were at school for example? Please forgive me if I have asked a ridiculous question - you probably had to use the time to catch up with everything else! It's just that I sometimes see people with a new dc3/4 when their older dc's are at school and think how it must be nice to have those hours of the school day with just the baby?
mazzystartled · 17/12/2010 16:17
Mine are still small (6, 3 and 7 months)
Thus far definitely conforming to stereotype - DS1 older brother expectation role - calm, sensible, relaxed, confident; DD is precocious, feisty, quirky, demanding; DS 2 cheery little dote.
But I am never sure whether it is because she is 3, or a girl, or a middle child or all/none of the above that makes DD so er vivid.
sarah293 · 17/12/2010 16:24
skydance · 17/12/2010 16:25
I have 3
DS1 (7 years old) is rather loud and always talking, likes a lot of attention and loves to be centre of attention in every situation, can see him doing amauter dramatics when older!
DS2 (3 years old) quiet, a bit wary of strangers, a bit shy, easy going, very loving, just very, very easy child really, can take him anywhere.
DD (1 year old) again likes a fair bit of attention whenever she can, very moany when poorly!, not shy, likes talking to strangers, much more like ds1 than ds2.
skydance · 17/12/2010 16:26
And to answer the original question, I don't think ds2 would have been any different really, he's always been a very easy going child and baby.
heymango · 17/12/2010 16:41
My 3 DS tend to fit into loler's roles. DS1 is fairly well-behaved, independent, competitive, bit stroppy sometimes, incredibly stubborn, good at getting his own way.
DS2 is different (not just to DS1, different to most of humankind). He can be incredibly naughty, does not seem to have a huge amount of kindness, but is also incredibly competitive. He constantly strives to get the attention away from DS1 and DS3 - by bullying DS3 and trying to outshine DS1. (Doesn't make him sound very nice, but he can be absolutely adorable - although we wonder if that is in a manipulative way).
DS3 is adorable in looks (if I do say so myself!) and personality. He gets attention by being extremely funny and sweet.
DD1 is only a few months, so we will see how she fits in.
After all that, DS2 was this way before DS3 appeared on the scene, so who knows if it is just personality type or birth order?
OdyMandrell · 17/12/2010 16:59
Message deleted by Mumsnet.
sarah293 · 17/12/2010 17:06
Haribojoe · 17/12/2010 18:16
loler what you've described is my 3 to a T
containher · 20/12/2010 20:32
Had 3 under the age of 3. My middle child is the most secure, content, easy going, happy , carefree little thing. She has been mellow since birth and I think regardless of birth order or parenting, she would have always been this way. She is so confident and self raliant- and always has been. Her elder brother has always been well behaved - but has always been very Full-on. Incapable of being in his own company, very sensitive and although gragarious and outgoing- he lack confidence. He is very bright, but a worrier. I think this is the way he would have always been regardless of birth order ( as a Nanny- I was used to babies- so no anxious parent stuff and he came to work with me- so always 'shared' me) and my last one came out being totally defiant and contrary and a rule breaker-her saving grace was she slept trough from 7pm till 7 am from 6 weeks. I think she would have been this way despite birth order and parenting. My view is that a child is born with it's personality and traits %80 Nature and we only have a %20 percent chance of changing and manipulating the way they are and will be. So I can't really take credit for my easy going bouncy carfree middle child, who is immaculatly behaved- I think she would be this way if she had been born unto uncaring, vile filthy child-haters- but maybe she would know more swear words!!!
PercyPigPie · 25/12/2010 22:35
loler just described our three too
ILoveGregoryHouse · 26/12/2010 07:44
heymango my family is the same, 3 ds and a new dd. And the descriptions are the same. Am really curious to see how dd develops. She's 7 weeks old. The one i worry most about is ds2 - he too is different and i hope that'll be good for him in the long run but it's difficult when he's only 5.
4andnotout · 26/12/2010 08:08
I have 4 dd's (9,5,3,2) and dd2 is definately a middle child, however I think it's more to do with being dp's first biological child and he was 41 when she was born and had tried unsuccessfully for a baby for 20 years or so.
BubbaAndBump · 26/12/2010 08:10
Reading with curiosity - have about 4 weeks to go until my DD2 becomes the 'middle child'. My sister (also the middle child) keeps teasing me about how she'll change and how she'll feel left out - currently she's feisty and independent, but gorgeous and sweet and caring. Hoping she'll stay the same
PercyPigPie · 26/12/2010 09:48
Oh my goodness, just read Lola's description again and feel really bad now for my comment. DC2 isn't 'naughty, difficult and shouty' - I think I meant to put mazzystartled in bold as DC2 is more like her DC2. Ours is loud, it's true, but also very charming and manages to get into a bit of a pickle - which I think is a subconscious way of drawing the attention back from siblings.
blueshoes · 26/12/2010 10:21
Disagree with the stereotype. Personality counts for far more.
JemimaMop · 26/12/2010 10:30
DS2 is definitely a stereotypical middle child, but then he has been like that from birth so I don't know if its just how he is!
DS1 is a pleaser, he likes to be top of the class, teachers pet, rarely gets into trouble in school, is very responsible etc etc. He is a worrier.
DS2 is totally happy go lucky. He is very different from DS1 and DD in both looks and personality. He lives on his own planet most of the time, and has a tendancy to get in trouble in school for not listening.
DD is another pleaser, but she plays on the fact that she is small and cute. She can be very manipulative, but that might be just because she is a girl!
So stereotypically spot on.
They are close in age (20 months between DS1 and DS2 and 20 months between DS2 and DD) and there wasn't any jealousy when they were babies as I think they were all too young. DS1 and DS2 fall out at times now, but they are thick as thieves most of the time. The arguments tend to be when DS1 doesn't liek the fact that DS2 can do something as well as he can
colie · 27/12/2010 21:25
I have 4 children. dd1 8, dd2 5, dd3 2 (nearly 3) and ds1 6 months.
My middle child is exactly like containher middle child. Dd2 is so laid back, easy going, perfectly behaved yet very confident. On occassions other people have watched her for me (like her friends mums or dd1 friends mums) and they have all commented on her lovely laid back nature. I know I am only slightly biased but she is just an absolute little sweet heart. A complete people pleaser.
Whereas, dd1 is challenging and as someone else on this thread said, erm interesting. She can be the kindest child to her siblings and friends but at other times very, very strong willed.
Dd3 is just the most mischevious wee thing we have ever come across. The other two girls will take a telling, or know when not to cross the line. Whereas dd3 will just go and do what she wants to do but quietly under the radar. She has no fear of anything or anyone. She is soooo naughty. She does things that the other two wouldn't even think of doing. Though, she melts all our hearts with her angelic looks.
My middle child is not a typical middle child at all. I have friends who are mums of three and all have the middle child who is hard work etc.
My fourth child so far seems even more laid back than my middle one. He doesn't sleep well but during the day is easily entertained etc. and just a totally smiley baby.
I don't think all middle children have the middle child syndrome. Can I also say i am a middle child so maybe just sticking up for all us forgotton ones
walkinZombie · 23/01/2011 16:22
In my family the 'middle child syndrome' is alive and well
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