How on earth do you compromise on the amount of children you want?

[CherryPie3]

I have 3, my daughter is almost 6 and my sons are age 4, youngest is 5mths.

I promised dh that 3 would be it, no more but now he's here I'm thinking about number 4 in a year or so.

I'm a little scared to tell dh this as I'm pretty positive he'll kick off!!

I just wish I could not want another baby :(

I'm 25, dh is 23.

Xx

Feel your pain..not so much on the dh front..but te not wanting another..i really wish i did not want another for sooo many reasons..but cant help thinking about a 4th day and night

Its early days for us though..my ds is 8mth..maybe we will feel completely diff in a few months/years time!?!

I can only sympathise - ds3 is 18 months, I'm still waiting for the broodiness to pass... I envy people who just 'know' they are done, I'm not I'll ever feel like that!

Total sympathy! I have 3. After number one I was certain we had to have more. After number 2 I was just as certain. This time I am also positive that the family doesn't yet feel complete. Pregnancy and childbirth don't put me off, but I am tired and the house is bedlam. Dh will be persuadable, but at the moment he's v tired too, so I think this will mean we have a bigger gap this time (3+ years instead of 2). On balance it's probably OK, but a big bit of me won't want to wait. I am 99% certain that after 4 I will be totally and utterly through with having children. Babies I could go on with forever, children are good (though 4 is enough), but toddlers... oh no, not doing that phase more than 4 times thank you.

I still think it will take me years to come round to the idea of a vasectomy though. It just seems so final .

Somebody ends up upset, hopefully learning to live with and enjoy the compromise eventually.

Talk to your DH, explain how you feel in a rational way. Ask him what he thinks. Say up front that there's no judging to be done.

I very much hope that he agrees, but if he doesn't then do give yourself time to adjust. You have all these ideas and plans in your head and it will feel like you have lost something, even though it was never there really. Let yourself grieve and don't let anyone tell you it's silly. It's not. It's important.

Good luck.

My youngest is 9 and I'm still terribly broody. And knowing the clock is ticking makes it worse.

I don't know how you compromise TBH, but I hope you find a solution

How can you comprimise on the number of children you want?
Hmmm that's a difficult one, why should you? Why you should you have to comprimise on anything? You can have anything you want! You want more shoes, go girl! You want more handbags, why not!? You deserve it! don't you?
Don't we all deserve whatever we want whenever we want it? After all, you only live once.
Well here's an alternative viewpoint, just as you deserve shoes, and handbags, and as many children as you can possibly churn out/afford/cope with, don't you think that your great grandkids deserve, erm, food? Or access to a free education, or a place to live?

I'm sure you're thinking I've gone mental, but if everyone just went about having as many children as they fancied, there's no way that our society could support them. Really what I'm saying is, which do you put first, your biological want to 'have more' or the happiness, welfare and health of your great grandchildren. If you're comfortable being part of the problem rather than part of the solution, why not?! You go for it! You only live once after all !

That's not an entirely helpful post, DadforLife. I do get your point, but I think the OP is asking how she can square up her biological yearning or another child with the reality of her situation. She doesn't need a lecture on the environmental impact of any decision she and her DP may at this point.

OP - its a tough one. Our youngest is 2 yrs old and DH is adamant he does not want any more. All of his reasons (every last one of them) are sensible, rational and based on concern for my health, our children's quality of life and an array of other Good Reasons. And yet...and yet...

I have resigned myself mentally with the reality that there will be no more children, and I don't feel the least bit resentful of DH or anything like that. I just feel a kind of sadness, a grief, actually, as the other poster said, for what I will never have.

Have the conversation with your DP. Don't bottle your feelings up. They probably aren't going to go away any time soon, so best to be upfront and take it from there.

should have said 'may make' in first para