2 or 3 - we can't agree

[treene]

We have 2 kids - girl age 4, boy age 2. I've just had an unplanned pregnancy, but it miscarried at 10 weeks - am devastated. Although it wasn't planned, I was really excited at the prospect of having a 3rd - I felt like it was completing my family and never felt finished.
DH however was less enthusiastic. He really didn't want it and we spent most of the pregnancy arguing over what to do - he wanted me to terminate, I wanted to keep it. I would never have been able to bring myself to terminate, and would have hated DH for forcing me to do it. Fortunately DH realised this before the miscarriage, and though was somewhat grudgingly, he agreed that we should keep it and we started planning how we'd manage financially and practically.
So now the situation is still that we can't agree on what to do. I really want to try for another child - to complete our family. DH wants to stop at 2.
His concerns are financial; we are comfortably off, but not loaded and he fears the impact of the current cuts and economic situation, and practical; he really doesn't want to go through the challenges of a newborn baby and the complications of being outnumbered.
So we can't agree, there is no middle ground but we do want to be together. What can I do? Do I try to persuade DH to have another, or do I try to get over it without resentment and regret?

Maybe you need a little time to pass before deciding and / or planning. If your recent pregnancy wasn't planned, (very sorry for that loss btw) then you literally were not planning to have a 3rd and I assume that you weren't thinking you wanted a 3rd. I understand that circumstances are now very different and that you now want one. But financial constraints and an unwilling partner could put terrible strain on a family / marriage. Can you see how things are in a few months time and agree to discuss it again then? Maybe financially things will be looking up, your DH may feel differently, you may feel differently....maybe it will be the right time for you all, to have a new addition.

I totally understand what treene (posted 25 oct) is feeling. My husband did not want a third child either. He had just started his own business and needed to concentrate on building this. We discussed all implications - financial/emotional/etc it was massively stressful. I am turning 40 next year which put more strain on the situation too. Thankfully for me - my husband agreed to have the third child and understood my view. My longing for this child was far greater than the need for a nice holiday, extra comforts and leaving the dirty nappies behind us. Looking ahead 5 and 10yrs neither of us wanted to have any regrets or resentments. We wanted to be together as a happy family. I am now 24wks pregnant - we are both excited as are our children. we both feel that we are doing the right thing. Good luck....

I hope you both can agree on what to do next.

I lost my 3rd (girl) and became pregnant not too long afterwards. I had another girl who is now 9. She never took the place of the duahgter I lost but her arrival made me feel much better.

I now have four children. 6,9,12 and almost 15 yrs old.

Its important that BOTH agree on another baby. Only you two can decide, we can only give you advice.

Talk to DH and tell him how you feel. With a miscarriage its personal and sometimes other may not know how you feel. Take some time out when its quite and you have his attention and talk it over with him.

All the best. I trust you are feeling much better now. I send you a BIG HUG.