Wibble Wibble ! please help, I am so lonely I may be going Loopy!

[TwoScooters]

Arg.. dont know where to start..

erm... I am just very very isolated.

I do feel like crying

I had a 2 year old, then we moved to a new area. I hoped I would meet some new local mum friends. We planned a second dc.
We had twins, unexpectedly.

I found it very hard to get socialise meet new friends etc with my three year old and newborn twins. I had the jump from only one DC then three DC and I could barely cope. When I did get out, I had no time to chat, literally. Zero

My eldest is now 7, and twins are 3. But I seem to have totally missed the boat. I have also posted on the Multiples board but I still find having 3 DC hard when you have no family or friends to share/help/chat/meet up with. But also very little time to make new friends.

Things are a lot easier now. Much easier than first 2 mad years . I do have time to think, but I am very very lonely.

One good friend moved away to Japan, so I tried hard to to meet people.
I have been to a few kids activiies and tried to help at some school stuff, but while dealing with my two or three there just dont seem to be those gaps ( the ones where the other mums seems to have time to chat )

We never get a break. I would love to help another family so we could help each other but only people I know have grannies or Aunties that help so dont need to share or swap with us.

Is anyone out there vaguely similar to me ??? Please say if so, I feel so alone and so unusual ! I know nobody else who knows what it is like. My life feels crazy but I'm not that weird am I ?

Am I a pathetic wimp ? I love my DC they are totally gorgeous and lovely children but due to this loneliness I am only getting by not really enjoying these years at all.

Anybody ??

I too am far away from all family, both mine and in laws.

Now my youngest is at school full time I help out at school, which I love. It's only one morning a week, but I really enjoy it.

Also, we're quite involved in our church so many of my friends are from that rather than school.

I do feel different though. I've lived on our street longest but the three families who've moved in the last 2 yrs have all got close and do a lot together. I'm sure part of that's to do with me (as common denominator) but it still hurts a little bit that I'm excluded from it all. Part of it (and I'm going to whisper now) is, I'm convinced, that I'm quite obv v MC in my outlook and opinions. I try not to share them all the time but I think that puts these 3 mums off in particular!

Is there a TAMBA group nearby you could meet up with? That way you'd be meeting other twin mums who know exactly what it's like.

Or just a good toddler group maybe? It can be quite daunting joining these groups to begin with, but if you attend regularly and become a familiar face you'll soon make new friends.

Could you consider a part time job? Just a few hours a week to be yourself and meet people. I know that might not be practical just yet but it's something to consider in the future.

What about DD's school? Are there any mums there you chat with while waiting to pick up your DD? Could you invite them over for a coffee maybe?

Good luck

Hi Twoscooters

I send you a big hug, sorry you are feeling isolated. I have four kids but non twins.

You are not a pathetic whimp !! stop beating yourself up!!neither are you weird!!

Is there a childrens centre in your area. In herts we have so many things going on in the area.

Does your spouse know how you feel?

What about toddler groups? You will meet new mums as your older child settles into school.

I hope you feel better as you read this. All the best for the future. Let us know how you get on.

You have now made some new friends on Mumsnet

thanks Mums2bless, buttonmoon and BrainMash for your kind advice.

My DTs are now Three and so at pre-school in mornings- which is great but I've kind of misssed the toddler group stage.

I did try going when they were younger but just did not seem to fit in. I guess other mums had more time to chat, or others naturally like to meet others more similar to themselves ?? I dont know but it didn't help I that I found it hard to be a regular at any group.

The mums with 3 yr olds seemed to all paired up and already sorted for friends now. I think I could be too late.

I think maybe it is much easier for playdates and helping each other out etc to be friends with those with singletons rather than twins ??

I have tried a lovely local Tamba twins group but they only meet 2 til 4pm which I cant go to cos of the school run. This hasn't helped with the feeling of not fitting in anywhere.

Because I have so little family support I most probably would have only had two dc not 3 dc, but obviously having DT's meant no choice about this !! What I am saying is for my situation, with no sister, Aunts, granny or friends who help, three kids is just more than I can cope with. There seems to be no time left for me or my social needs ?!!?

sorry for all this long moaning ramble

I can see how things must be difficult for you. You say the TAMBA group you went to was lovely...would you consider letting your DD go to afterschool club once a week, allowing you time to go to the TAMBA group? I know that would have financial implications, but I would see it as an investment in your well being. I think it's mportant to have some social contact with other adults - especially adults who undertsand your situation.

It sounds like you're missing your family. Is moving back a possibility? Or if not, could you arrange to stay with your family for a few days at regular intervals, maybe leaving DH behind if he has to work?

You're definitely not weird. I've found being a mum quite lonely at times, I think that's quite normal. ((((((((TwoScooters)))))))

Oh....and it's never too late to make friends. Just because they all seem to have friends it doesn't mean there isn't room for you
Invite someone over for a coffee and see what happens.

thank you brainmash its refreshing to get nre ideas to think about. i need to try some new ideas.
I'd like yours or anyone's opinion on this....if you only had one toddler, would you be against or for playdates Or meeting up with, a mum of 2 twin toddlers ??
Please be honest, Would it put you off ? Or make no difference ?

I can honestly say it would make no difference at all. Actually, the fact someone had DT's would be a bonus - as I'd assume they would be used to a bit of mess and chaos - which is what you find at my house

I have a friend with DT's who are much younger than my own DC's but I love meeting up with her. I usually fit around her with times/places as I know she has to cater for her DT's but it doesn't stop us enjoying a good gossip and a cuppa.

Be brave and take the first step

How about joining an evening class just for you?
I do not have twins, but i have 4 dc and youngest is 3 and very hard work so I can imagine what 2 of them are like (as lovely as they are).
I started an evening class in Swing Dancing, and spend many happy evenings doing the Charleston, and also met really lovely people - some have kids and some do not, but they are great fun to be with. Could your dh babysit so you could do something you are interested in?

And I would not be put off a playdate with twins!