I know its only 3 but does it count?

[SnailWhaleTail]

I am in a quandary about TTC #3, I have 2 boys who are lovely and chaotic and messy, they are 5 and 3 and for the first time in ages it is almost as if my life is fairly easy and we're not brassic.

I am a student ODP and am in hospital doing my placement 3 days a week and DS1 is at school and DS2 is at nursery and we have an AP who covers pick ups and drop offs as my husband works abroad. Nursery is now largely funded and we have room in our 3 bed house for me, 2 boys and an AP.

I can take the 2 boys to visit their dad in various parts of the world both in practical and financial terms, I can do the 3 days without feeling that they are missing out on lots of mummy time and/or attention and I think I might feel very guilty if I went back to work when baby was young as I didn't do anything at all until DS1 was at school and DS2 was nearly 3. (Not a comment on what others choose to do that was just how my circumstances were at the time).

I'm also concerned about timing - I don't want a huge age gap as my DHs youngest brother is 8 yrs younger than him and was never really allowed to join in anything with his older brothers. However I won't qualify until Aug 2011 by which time DS1 will be 6 and DS2 will be 4, then I'll have to find a job whilst not being hugely pg.....

Sorry for the lengthy ramble, I think it boils down to the fact that I'd like another child and think its fab when children have lot of sibs but I wonder whether it will significantly affect my actual children's life.

I'm expressing all this so badly but perhaps someone might be in the same sort of conundrum.

I think I am in the same sort of conundrum ... or rather just emerging from it! I have 2 boys and like yours, they are lovely and chaotic - 3.5 and 1.5 so life is still a bit mental, but loads of fun! I work 3 days a week and on those days the boys go to nursery, and it all kind of works - just. I'm now 41 and since DS2 was born, I've been desperately sad about the thought of never having another baby. That said, I don't feel my family is incomplete at all, and not sure I really want to have a third child - it was more the thought of leaving that part of my life behind that made me really sad. Didn't have any clarity of thought on what I actually wanted, so I loved the thought of fate making my decision for me (i.e. I might accidently get pregnant). Well guess what? Just found out I am indeed up the duff, and now find myself feeling quite scared, about a number of things including my age and associated risks, and how we will cope practically/financially. Also I worry about my 2 boys, will they suffer from me having to spread myself thinner? Esp DC2, who will no longer have unique position in brood, but become middle child. But deep down I think I'm happy it has happened, and I know for sure that I am very lucky to conceive at my age so easily. But I feel for you and your dilemma. Not sure any of this is any help, as I really copped out of making a decision and let whatever will be, be! Good luck, whatever you decide.

Congratulations!

I'd love the decision to be taken out of my hands somehow, if DH expressed a strong opinion either way I'd probably go with whatever he thought!

I was totally ambivalent about having no. 3. Life was just about getting back to normal, with a 5 year old in school and a 2.5 year old about to start part-time nursery. But then I got pregnant. I'm 41, and like septemeber song, fate took it out of my hands! I now have a 6 month old. I have to say that so far, raising no.3 has been a breeze in comparison with raising the first two. The family dynamic is totally different; the first two are now really good friends and amuse each other while I see to the baby, so there is none of the neurotic jealousy you get from no.1 when no.2 is born etc. And both dc3 and my first two benefit from having a more chilled out mum. They also find the baby very amusing and love having an audience for their joint performances! I heartily recommend it. I know two other mothers who were equally unsure about the consequences of a third child and they both now say that it's great. The only real drawback is that I won't be able to go back to work for another couple of years, but I'm considering a career change anyway so it's not a huge deal. Good luck whatever you choose or not choose!