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Not going back to a house after a stonesetting

4 replies

Shivaquery · 14/04/2026 18:02

My father’s stone setting is booked. It was assumed that people would go back to my brother and SIL’s house after. My SIL, whilst never liking me, but putting up a front, has amped up the spite. I don’t want tit-for-tat, but also don’t want to be in her house after the stonesetting - she literally preys on vulnerability. I just don’t want to be around her. My place is tiny. I’ve never heard of anyone having a venue that’s not a house after. If I have to suck it up, of course I will.

So, a few questions
Has anyone ever used an alternative venue to a house - there will be a lot of people?
My brother can’t seem to move an inch without her at the moment - we are sorting my dad’s place which was also our childhood home. This gives her power to keep ‘accidentally’ binning things. I’m not too happy with how my brother has behaved lately either (previously v close). I can’t outrightly say why I don’t want the stonesetting at their house anymore to my brother or tell him how I feel about her, or what remains of our now fractious relationship will be terminal. I don’t want him in the middle of us either, if it’s not terminal. I think she will keep goading me until it becomes terminal. I don’t want her to be in my father’s house ever again either - how do I say that?

I genuinely think there is something really really wrong with her and can’t get my head around the spite. How do I handle this both without causing trouble between them and also protecting myself from her?

OP posts:
Majesticalling · 14/04/2026 18:35

I've attended a stonesetting at a hotel close to the grounds. It was convenient for attendees (loads of parking and no long drive in traffic) and meant the mourners could relax.

Sorry for your loss and that things are strained with your brother. Wish you long life.

Shivaquery · 14/04/2026 19:18

Thank you. Any ideas how to go about this tactfully?

OP posts:
Majesticalling · 14/04/2026 21:51

Maybe say you want to share the responsibility equally . I think it's completely reasonable to say you want to co host. Also focus on the benefits - like parking, no washing up and people traipsing through their house.

Be really positive (but firm) and find a couple of venue options that would work before raising it with them.

I really hope you and your brother can restore your closness.

Good luck.

sunnydisaster · 15/04/2026 15:14

You could definitely have one in a synagogue hall or a function room. Just suggest one near the grounds for convenience sake.

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