I’ve just come from a Shiva. It was one thing chatting to the family, but I struggled to focus when we prayed Maariv - my thoughts kept drifting to my elderly parents. I barely held back tears when we recited Kaddish. If I cry so easily (I do) reciting Kaddish for a stranger, how will I function when I’m reciting Kaddish for my own parents? My parents are very old, very frail and ill. This will come, sooner or later. They’ve outlived their friends and I don’t have a massive circle of Jewish friends. I can’t help worrying that I might find myself sitting Shiva alone. And I dread it. Stupid thought, really, when contemplating your parents’ mortality. But it’s there, right next to the “When’s it going to happen?” and “Oh God, is this the phone call?” thoughts.