Too many Jews

[BakedAlaska12]

According to my brother in law while we were away.

I’m Jewish, my husband and his family are not, my (our) children are. We have just come back from a week away where we have all stayed in one shared house. On the last night we were playing board games and there was a question in which we had to name a supermarket. A few of us said Tesco, then my brother in law said “me and (wife) don’t like our Tesco as there are too many Jews there”

I was shocked and called him out. But everyone else, parents in law, and husband just sat there. I left the room and rang family for advice.

What do I do from here? I get the feeling they think it’s all okay, as when I left apparently he was told “ffs why did you say that” but they (not my husband at this point) just carried on playing and I could hear them laughing while I was hiding away embarrassed even though the comment was said by him.

I’m so confused, they know I’m Jewish. There was no talk of religion or politics, it was literally said in those words after picking a supermarket in a game.

While I have been worried about being out in places and seeing anti Israel and anti semitic things I never thought I would be made to feel like this in a house with family.

I share your concern about the way things are going in the UK.

Does he have a dark sense of humour generally - I mean, could it have been a wierd sort of teasing that sort of includes you? Was he testing your "sense of humour"?

People who have never been subject to racial hatred don't quite understand this sort of thing.

There is nothing to be confused about. Your DH's family have no sensitivity to the fact that you and your children are Jewish and they will continue to be exposed to antisemitism within the family which is horrifying. You poor things.

How upsetting for you....has your DH said anything to you about the incident or explained his own reaction or lack of? I think I'd struggle to spend time with them after that.

Sorry this has happened to you OP, I can understand how upsetting this would be. My DH isn’t Jewish and I’ve had some interesting comments from his family, one particularly bad one from his Dad. My DH didn’t pay any attention at the time and I had to explain to him why I was upset and to be honest DH tried to blame me for it at the time. We had to have a big argument conversation about how this was all very problematic and I think he got it in the end. He asked me if I’d like him to address it with his Dad and I decided in the end that I was going to. I tried to do it in a light hearted way and he did apologise. I still don’t think any of them understand completely.

Well he was so shocked at the time he didn’t really say much apart from just saying that’s not on but that was it. He did speak to him mum the next day. Annoyingly he’s had to go away for a few days so we’ve not really had a chance to speak properly and when he is back it will have been a good few days since it was said.

At the moment I don’t think I can spend much time with them at all. The thing is they don’t get it, they don’t get why it hurts and are trying to put a plaster over a bullet hole etc..

I might be reading too much into it but on the other hand it’s plain and simple. On the whole I have found BIL fairly annoying at times but never racist or antisemitic and he’s always been very hands on with my kids which is why I’m so taken by surprise.

Time will tell but things definitely won’t be the same.

The thing is if that’s what they’re saying to you, just imagine what they’re saying behind your back.

my kids and I are Jewish and my husband is not so I understand the situation. My in-laws don’t and won’t get it and I have had to set boundaries a few times - nothing as bad as this but more ignorance based than anything. But my family said some hurtful things too so I guess it felt more like we were all figuring it out together.

i would be pretty cautious about having your kids exposed to this sort of thing unless they show some sort of reflection. Maybe ask them to substitute different words for ‘Jews’ and see how that feels to them. Would they have said a place is bad because there are too many black people? Korean people? Buddhists?

(random query though - ‘is’ their Tesco filled with random Jewish people? Is it an orthodox neighbourhood? It’s such an oddly specific thing to say but I’m guessing there’s a reason. At least I hope so)

I was disowned by a good chunk of my family when I married out and my husband had to step away from some of his family who kept trying to save me so I don’t love suggesting further breakdowns in families but this is a really worrying thing to say.

Just awful. I'm sorry that happened, it must've been so shocking. Things would never be the same for me either. In a way there's something even worse about casual antisemitism like this in a family/friends group setting where you should feel safe and accepted.