Converting to (Reform) Judaism

[DaughterOfRuth]

I hope this is alright to post. I'm not Jewish, and don't have any Jewish family or a Jewish partner. However, I've felt drawn to Judaism for a long time. As a small child raised Christian, I read the stories of the Israelites with no understanding that these weren't my people. I felt profoundly connected. Eventually I learned the truth, and at that time I believed that it was impossible to convert to Judaism. (I understand that some Orthodox Jews do think this way; I'm not trying to dismiss anyone's beliefs! But Reform seems to allow it, and that's a better theological fit for me in some respects)

The recent rise in anti-semitism and anti-Israel sentiment only heightened my intuitive sense that my spiritual home lay in this direction. A Jewish online friend invited me to mark Shavuot as an ally - I decorated my home with flowers, made dairy meals, and read the story of Ruth.

As a result, I've been in touch with a local rabbi and I'm attending shul as a visitor for the first time tomorrow. I'm excited! I know it's a long process involving a lot of study, and that the answer to a lot of questions will be 'ask a rabbi'.

That said, is there anything you'd recommend for a newcomer to Judaism? Books, resources, things to do? Is it alright for me to light Shabbat candles, but not to recite the traditional prayer (because as a non-Jew, I'm not 'commanded' to observe Shabbat?) Is there anything else I need to definitely avoid? Any advice would be gratefully appreciated - as I understand, most converts have Jewish relatives, but I'm on my own for now.

Thank you :)

I forgot to add - why now? After Shavuot I said to myself that if a certain thing happened, I'd take it as a sign to investigate Judaism further. The event was possible but not that likely - about 30% probability.

It happened. 9 times over. Whatever that is, I couldn't ignore it.

How did it go with visiting the synagogue @DaughterOfRuth? Was it what you expected?

About the candle lighting, maybe the rabbi could put you in touch with a local family who would invite you for Friday night dinner. You could begin to experience Shabbat observances that way.

In terms of books, I would recommend On Being Jewish by Julia Neuberger and Living a Jewish Life by Anita Diamant. They may be out of print but you could buy on eBay or similar.

Have you seen the Progressive Judaism YouTube channel? https://youtube.com/@progressivejudaismuk?si=DQ1GEbymyFn1xSrS
They are doing a series of online lectures on the Principles of Progressive Judaism. The previous lectures are on there. You can sign up for the upcoming ones here https://www.liberaljudaism.org/2025/04/education-hub-season-2-the-principles-of-progressive-judaism/

Hi @DaughterOfRuth 👋 I’m an Orthodox Jew- it’s not impossible to have an orthodox Jewish conversion; however the process is (deliberately) arduous. we are not a proselytising nation - we don’t believe you need to be Jewish in order to have a share in the world to come (olam haba, after death), you just need to keep the 7 noahide laws. However, if someone is very serious about converting, there is a process for orthodox conversion.

Chaviva Gordon- Bennet is a convert and used to have a blog, where she talked about some of her experiences. She initially converted reform and then converted orthodox (Orthodox Jews don’t recognise conversions except if they are done through an orthodox beis din). https://www.kvetchingeditor.com/p/conversion-posts.html?m=1.
She has an instagram account now which is more up to date. https://www.instagram.com/thechaviva?igsh=dmphNW9odGY5aHdj

Nowjewishnanny recently converted (also orthodox) and I believe has been sharing her experiences on line. She worked as a nanny for Jewish families, so she initially started her account as nonjewishnanny to share what she learned about (orthodox) Jews so if you go back on her timeline it gives a great insight from a non Jewish perspective on orthodox Jewish life, plus more recently, her conversion. https://www.instagram.com/nowjewishnanny?igsh=a3c1OHVkYmR4cW83

Houseoflev converted as a family, and have been documenting their experiences online as well. https://www.instagram.com/houseoflev?igsh=cHQ2N242YXZlc2Vt

all three are American, but came from very different places (physically and metaphorically!). I do know UK converts, however I don’t know if they have public accounts of their experiences. Hopefully a good way to find out more from actual converts perspectives.

Thank you for your replies! I had a wonderful time. Everyone was very welcoming and I was able to follow along with the Hebrew transliteration. I had a couple of people ask me which synagogue I usually attended, which told me I didn't look immediately out-of-place and calmed the nervousness!

I'm going to a North London bookshop this week to get my siddur and some beginners' Hebrew resources. My biggest takeaway is that I want to know more. I want to read the Torah with the interpretation and commentary and 'minority opinions' - as someone with an academic background, this process of questioning and analysis really appeals to me. I'm also going to take an online 'introduction to Judaism' course run by an American rabbi which starts next month.

@ashleysilver thank you for the recommendations! I'll look for those books when I'm shopping, and if not then on Ebay. I'll also check out those lectures! I'm listening to 'Jewniversity' on Spotify too, and finding it really intellectually engaging.

@EllaDisenchanted Hi! Thank you so much for the information and links. I do find the Orthodox world fascinating! I think that if I were twenty years younger, I'd be seriously looking into it. I already dress modestly (I buy my modest swimwear from Israel!) and the certainty and the way prayer is so integral to everyday life have a real appeal. The sticking points for me are theological (the passages in the Torah involving slavery, etc are (for me!) a lot easier to reconcile if they're seen as written by people of a particular time and culture) and practical - the expectation to live within walking distance of the synagogue, and for the London Beit Din, to live with a Jewish family for 6 months. I'm pushing forty with other commitments! Which I guess some would take as a sign that I'm not serious enough about converting, but there it is.

I do like the fact that I could be more observant than a Reform synagogue strictly requires, because of the focus on individual choice. But my politics skew far more small-c conservative than theirs, and I have fairly strong views on Israel. (I've namechanged for this thread, but Ella, I've really valued reading your posts over on the Conflict in the ME forum).

All of which is to say that I think Judaism is for me. It might sound a little dramatic to say, but I think it's where my soul wants to be. As for the specifics, what I realise right now is how much I don't know, and that I want to learn far more before making any serious decisions.

thanks @DaughterOfRuth :)

I enjoy the content from these instagrammers myself, it’s fascinating and beautiful to me to see my beliefs and practices but from a very different and appreciative/loving perspective. I happen to know one of them personally as well.

All the best with it all ❤️

@DaughterOfRuth One of the Jews-by-choice in my synagogue said that going through the conversion process felt like it was pulling out the Jewishness that had always been inside her. I thought that was a beautiful thought.

For me, my Judaism is about food and tradition. So I’d think it would be lovely to start trying the cultural traditions (with the understanding that this means many different things across the world). And it’s also about community so the more you are around it and experiencing it, the more you’ll find out.

I grew up in a Conservative shul in the states and now am a member of a liberal congregation in the uk and it’s very different. So it’s important to find the right fit for you as well.

Hi,
I converted 20 years ago. I was drawn to Jewish people and Judaism and at a certain point I realised that it was home, my soul was Jewish and I had no choice but to convert so the outside matched the inside.

I was in the UK and I did look into Reform conversion as a stopgap, but my views on halacha and Israel were not aligned with the community I was in. Also I'd hoped to remarry and have more children and didn't want any future question on their status. At the time I had two children, and moving to live in London and staying with a haredi family for several months and paying to study for 7 years was not feasible. I actually ended up moving to Israel with two kids, converting 14 months later, and making aliyah. Somehow that was more feasible 🤷🏼. It was certainly more cost effective (at the time) than living in London.

Finally after quite a few years I needed to return to the UK and have been on a journey away from observance and back towards it since then. I think I needed to rediscover it on my own terms at at my own pace, but Oct 7 was a huge wake up call.

I am so glad that I did an orthodox conversion even though I continue to wrestle with aspects of it....but I think that's part of being Jewish.

My advice to you is to study and try out different shuls....if your neshama is really drawn to orthodoxy you may find you have little choice.

It might be worth checking out Masorti as well...it's a reasonable middle ground and they also do conversions.

V'hatslacha!