Bar mitzvah dress rehearsal

[cedartree2]

Is it really necessary for the whole family to go to my son’s bar mitzvah dress rehearsal? His 10 yo sister has been invited to a new friend’s house. The friend lives a bit of a distance away so I would need to take her there. Is it really necessary for me and my daughter to be at the dress rehearsal? My daughter doesn’t want to be called up or be involved in the bar mitzvah and apparently I have to read something with my husband, but I don’t feel I need to rehearse it. We’ve already put up with so much for this bar mitzvah, it doesn’t seem fair to drag my daughter to this rehearsal for what seems like no good reason. Why are we needed there?

DH and DS went to shul
a few evenings in the lead up to practise actually being on the bimah, run through order of stuff but little DS and I didn’t go. Can’t think you would need to, who is insisting? The rabbi or DH?
If you’ve been to a few BMs surely you know what’s what anyway. It doesn’t have to be a slick production.

Thank you. The cantor (and DH) are insisting. The cantor is putting a lot of pressure on DS to make sure it’s a slick production. I feel like we are going through a whole lot of stress just to keep this cantor happy because he wants to look like he does a good job teaching bar mitzvah kids. DH has agreed we won’t go back to this shule after the bar mitzvah

I’d probably go if DS wanted me to, bit of moral support and you could also have a word with the cantor if he’s pressurising DS - just reset the tone a bit if DH won’t.

Up to you, is usually the only time for photos in the synagogue depending on what stream you follow. To me it was a family time and I was disappointed the grandparents live in another city and couldn't come to it or be in the photos. Each to their own. Is it the shul you don't like or the whole rigmarole of having a bar mitzvah?

It’s both the rigmarole and the shule.

Then without being rude, why are you doing it all? I've done a bar mitzvah recently & a bat mitzvah just after covid, rule of 30, in the garden which was stressful but fun as appreciated not having to be on zoom. But also seen post-Covid more people doing different things to suit the child & family. Maybe you could adapt to make it feel more personal?

This will surely give your son confidence on the day of his batmitzvah.

For that reason alone you should go.

Appreciate it’s too late to do anything differently so I would go to support your son and husband. There’s no reason to disengage now if you’ve already committed. Your daughter can sit with a book or you can ask her friend to have her a bit longer and pick her up after or any number of other solutions.