Kashrut dilemma

[Confuzzleduzzled]

I have a dilemma. I’ve always kept kosher. We have separate meat and milk at home and only eat kosher meat. I will eat food that isn’t strictly kosher as long as it’s vegetarian/fish/vegan. I will eat veggie and fish out at non-kosher restaurants. Other than that I’m not particularly religious (hence posting this on Shabbat).

I separated from ExH years ago when the DDs were little. They are now teens. I recently found out that they don’t keep kosher when they are with him or out with friends. That doesn’t bother me at all.

It would make my holidays and going out to eat much easier if my DDs could eat chicken and beef. They are slightly fussy and get bored of the limited fish and veggie options. Should I just let them eat non-kosher meat out when they are with me?

I think you find your own balance. Either you are strictly kosher at all times, or kashrut is optional. It is a very personal choice. A more orthodox Jew would not eat in your house, whereas a less orthodox one would. What matters to you?

For me, choosing not to eat pork is an overt expression of my Judaism. Like saying a brocha before snacking (which I do not do), it is a moment of intentional mindfulness, awareness of my Jewishness, bringing it into my day-to-day life. That, for me, is the major significance of my level of kashrut in the secular world.

My parents never controlled what we ate in terms of kashrut when we were out of the house, though home was properly kosher. Not kosher enough for our ultra-Orthodox relatives because our non-meat foods did not have a hechsher on them (no idea how to spell that!). So, as I said, personal choice. Does it make you a better Jew or a better person? I don't think so.

Thank you for the thoughtful reply. I was struggling to work out why I keep kosher except that it’s what my parents did and what I’ve always done which doesn’t seem like a good enough reason.
But you are right that it makes me more mindful about what I eat. I agree it does not make me a better or worse Jew than anyone else.
I am going to continue keeping my level of kashrut inside and outside the home but will let my kids decide when we are out. They both have said they would never eat pork or shellfish which I am happy about.

My parents let me make the choice after my Bat Mitzvah and I immediately stopped keeping kosher. For years they wouldn’t pay for anything non kosher (we had a kosher home but ate vegetarian out). I would never order or eat pork around them but my kids and husband have (he isn’t Jewish anyway). We don’t have it at home if either of them visit. I’m allergic to shellfish so we never have that around so it’s really just the pork and mixing meat and milk we try to be respectful about.

basically the answer is - there are a lot of stages and a lot of flex we have found together. Now that I’m obviously an adult we all just respect each others positions. I’m just glad they’ll eat in my home (my brother wouldn’t for a while) and that we’ve found away to compromise.