Sister's boyfriend (looking for Jewish perspective)

[sisterlysister]

I should start by saying I'm not Jewish, but I'm on here as would really appreciate and welcome some Jewish perspective :)
My younger sister (aged 19) has been seeing a very religious Jewish man for almost a year. He's 8 years older than her and he's her first relationship. He seems a lovely man, all our family seem to like him etc. All good there. He's estranged from his family for reasons that he's never really explained to my sister. All we know is that his family aren't Jewish. He embraced the faith in his late teens and officially converted. His whole life revolves around his faith.. I'm not suggesting there's anything "wrong" with this, especially as it makes him so content BUT I'm concerned about why he chose a non-Jewish and non-religious girlfriend in my sister. He talks of wanting to build a Jewish family, have children etc but where would my sister fit into all this? I know she has attended synagogue with him on Shabbat (out of respect and trying to learn more about the faith), but she's made it clear to him that she wouldn't want to convert or embrace his way of life. At the same time, she fully respects his choices, although doesn't want the same for herself.
Is is common for very religious Jewish men to be involved with non-Jewish girls? We as family like him, but I can't see this relationship lasting.

Welcome to the board!

No it's not common. They should have a very frank and honest chat about a potential future together so neither continues to waste their time if they don't want the same things. I'd be surprised if it lasts, I'm afraid to say.

I'm with BeretInParis - this is very weird. It's incredibly rare to convert as a late teenager unless, for example, your dad was Jewish and you had always been brought up thinking you were Jewish. And even in that case, you would likely be on "probation" of some sort until you were married, in the UK, at least. I suspect there is some sort of back story your sister hasn't been told.

I am a member of a liberal congregation and we have plenty of young adult and adult converts so I don't think this is entirely true for every community.

However... if someone (particularly a man) is interested in having a Jewish household and Jewish children it would be very difficult to set that up with a non-Jewish partner - both for cultural reasons but also because Judaism is passed down from the mother in most congregations (though the Liberal community would recognise children both to either a Jewish man or woman who were being raised in the Jewish faith, that's not how it works in most)

So no - this has no future and your sister is heading for heartache at some point.

(My brother's wife converted before they got married but my husband isn't Jewish and has no interest in converting. We are raising our children Jewish and he is fully involved in that, but he is not religious at all)

Wasn't there a post on here yeeeeeaaaars ago about a boy/young man who basically dumped his family to persue Judaism & was all but living with random family's talking about traveling to Israel/looking for work

I think the general consensus was that it wasn't the worst rebellion (finding religion) but it always stuck with me so now wondering if it's the same (now) man & how it's worked out for him especially if he's now dating a younger girl who's not Jewish

Found the thread apparently it was in 2014 so would now be 26-27 (is your sister 18/19 ?)

If it's the same man his family apparently struggled with him in his high school years & didn't support his belief he was Jewish so he had moved out & was trying to convert - they might have posted about it a decade ago trying to get help bringing him home

www.mumsnet.com/talk/teenagers/2051299-16-year-old-wants-to-be-Jewish

That is very strange. You'd expect someone who has converted to look for a Jewish partner as if you're so invested in being Jewish, you'd want your children to be Jewish (as it goes down the matrilineal line).
Usually, but not always, conversion is undertaken by people who meet a Jewish partner don't want to 'marry out'. It's not easy to convert.

Depends what sect he converted into some are more strict about encouraging converts marrying other converts or if he did sidduch (?)(Arranged marriage) he may not have been able to be matched easily - poor family history/convert himself wise

So it's possible he's on his way out or looking to bring somebody else in as opposed to leading OPs sister on

He sounds more like a 'seeker' than a heartfelt convert. Someone looking for something meaningful, but hasn't really settled into what that looks like. That meaningful thing may not even be Judaism. Has he had other overwhelming interests on the past? A committed meat eater becoming vegan, for example. Converts tend to be deeply engaged and authentic in their practice (the practice of the stream of Judaism they covered with) for a good few years, until they have worked out where their personal level sits.

It is also totally against Jewish practice to actively seek out converts or to try to persuade someone to convert.

Oops, missed out a chunk:

A committed meat eater becoming vegan for two years, before moving on to another personal, deeply felt commitment, for example.