Converting… although I’m already Jewish?

[Shpilkes]

I was born into a Jewish family. Father was an orthodox Jew and mother converted in a reform synagogue many decades ago.

Judaism (both reform and orthodox) is the only religion I have known. I’m not close to my mother’s family, so all the family I know are Orthodox Jews. I live in a Jewish community and have Jewish friends.

But according to my local orthodox shul, I guess I’m not really Jewish. I’ve never really cared because frankly I am a cultural Jew rather than a religious one. But as my three kids get older I wonder what this means for them. They couldn’t have their bar mitzvah at my preferred orthodox shul where their cousins will go. We could use a the local liberal/reform shul but that’s really not what I want. It’s not my thing at all.

Also on my mind is 7 Oct and wanting to feel more connected to Judaism and the community.

Not really sure what I want out of this post. A sounding board perhaps? 🙏

I know someone who converted to reform when marrying her Jewish partner, then converted conservative and then orthodox with her children. She did this in order to keep her children's options open for the future in case they wanted to marry someone orthodox (they attended an orthodox school, so it wasn't out of the question!). In the end, of course, the only one of them not to marry a non-Jew is in a same-sex relationship - best laid plans and all that 😂 But at least they get to be with whoever they love without their religion further complicating the matter :)

My only point is, if you feel like you want to be officially orthodox you wouldn't be the first person to convert who is already Jewish! Although I guess your children would also have to convert if they want their Bar Mitzvahs to take place in your community of choice.

It must be so hard to feel like you belong because you've grown up there but then basically being told you don't 😔 I don't have any answers for you, but I strongly sympathise with you. I'm upset on your behalf.

Thanks so much Humdingerydoo. It’s my understanding that my children would convert with me as they are all under 13. And you’re right. I’m doing this for them although I know it’s still no guarantee of being fully accepted. Saying that, I think views in the younger community are changing a bit. A friend’s uni age daughter who is key in JSoc tells me about how accepting they all are now. I see it in my own community with non- Jewish partners/spouses and friends being welcomed in ways they never were when I was growing up.

Once converted to orthodox surely you will be accepted?! I even know a Chabad rabbi who married the daughter of a convert :)

But I agree - communities in general are more accepting now than ever before. They're trying to move with the world a bit more - I guess they have no choice as it's moving so fast!

Jsoc-wise - there really is no judgement there! They're accepting of Jews of all shapes, sizes and backgrounds. We even had a few non-Jews at ours who just felt a strong connection to the religion and wanted to learn more. Very few people in my jsoc were even remotely religious - we'd often end a Friday night dinner by playing on the Wii. Really aging myself there 😂 So your future for your children will be bright no matter what you decide to do - they will find their own community and sense of belonging regardless.

Sorry I'm not being of any actual help here, by the way! I'd love to hear more about your conversion process though if you decide to go ahead with it.

In general to convert to Judaism with an Orthodox Beit Din you will need to commit to keeping the mitzvot - shabbat, kashrut and mikva (and all the other ones...). Is that something you are happy to do?

@Humdingerydoo I think @Shpilkes is referring to non Jews (or non Halachic Jews) being accepted in Jsocs and other Jewish groups. Which is probably true. But this wouldn't apply for bar mitzvot and weddings.