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Jewish Mumsnetters

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Is it worth finding out more about my family if the family rejected us?

5 replies

Mamabear04 · 28/11/2023 13:00

A bit of a long story but my Grandfather left my Mum when she was a young child. We've always wondered what happened to him, we know he was a POW in WW2 for many years and suffered from PTSD so we think this had a big part to play in the family break down. We've always wondered what happened to him and have been searching to find the answers. Slowly we are getting somewhere and managed to reconnect with a cousin who told us a lot about our family we didn't know. It turns out my Grandfather was Jewish, his mum came from an orthodox Jewish family and emigrated to the UK. My Great Grandmother married a non Jew and her parents discommunicated her and so (I guess) because of the hurt and rejection raised her children (my Grandfather) as non Jewish but with a knowledge that they were Jewish by blood and descent.

Tbh I'm pretty fascinated by it all. It's all very new to me and it feels like we've discovered a room in our house that we didn't know existed. There are a lot of mixed feelings that come along with finding out about our long lost family, excitement to find out more, joy at finding a cousin my mum hadn't seen in 60+ years but also with a tinge of rejection after hearing all that happened. I'm not sure what to make of it all and while I'm very interested to find out more about Jewish culture, part of me thinks what's the point, it didn't want us. Is this the right way to think? Should we just put it aside and accept its not our culture since we are not Jewish? Or is it something we should look into as it's in our blood? I'm sorry if this is a pointless post, I'm just trying to make sense of it all...

OP posts:
PurpleChrayne · 28/11/2023 13:37

There's no harm in doing some research. Sounds like a fascinating history!

etmoiandme · 28/11/2023 14:28

Oh you should go for it OP. It's in your blood so you have as much right to that culture as the rest of us. I'm atheist and married 'out' but it's my heritage and I dip in and out the culture (on my own terms). Try not to look at it as a wholie culture that rejected you. Also your post isn't pointless, welcome to this section of MN!

delix · 28/11/2023 19:18

If you have Jewish DNA whether through matri or patri descent then you are ethnically Jewish, irrespective of some branches only accepting matri descent (I understand the logic but it's rather cynical). If it's not religion/faith that binds Jews then it's DNA.

Katharineblum · 28/11/2023 23:16

@Mamabear04 this has happened to me too in that I discovered I have some ‘Jewish’ DNA to my complete surprise. I have an unknown maternal great grandfather and can only presume it’s from him. Cousin also has it so we are hopefully going to look at our matches on Ancestry to see if we can find connections !

Mamabear04 · 29/11/2023 17:50

Thanks everyone for your lovely and welcoming replies, it means a lot. I'm still not quite sure how to think of this all. I'm not even sure where or how to begin exploring being of Jewish descent. In a way it feels sad that its been lost because I would have loved to learn from family. My Mum's cousin who we connected with is elderly/lives in a different country so video calling is difficult and although Jewish (that old maternal line!) doesn't live as religious and to my knowledge doesn't follow any customs. Does anyone have any pointers on where or what to begin with? What's important that I should know?

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