Trying to come to terms with antisemitism as a sort-of Jewish person

[0palfruity]

Hope it's OK for me to post on here - I always feel like a bit of a fraud among Jewish people. I am ethnically half Jewish (wrong half 😉) and was not brought up in any religion. In fact I've only ever set foot in a synagogue as a tourist. I don't know anyone in Israel. My grandparents were German Jewish refugees.

I have always believed in Israel's right to exist but have been shocked at the extent to which the Oct 7th atrocities have shaken me - beyond the atrocities themselves, if that makes sense. I didn't realise what a deep connection I felt to a country I have never set foot in.

More than that, though, I have really had my eyes opened to the antisemitism that I am.guessing has always existed just below the surface in the UK. I feel quite frightened by it. Not for myself especially but it has made me reevaluate my relationship with some people (even relatives by marriage) who have posted all sorts of crap on social media. The stuff that has been allowed to stand on MN is mind boggling (my new name is due to the fact that I have now flounced from several Middle Eastern conflict threads and vowed to hide that topic).

In the past I have encouraged my children to be proud of their heritage- eg I gave my daughter a mezuzah to take to school when they studied Judaism in RE. I don't think I would do that now - I'd be worried about the reaction.

Sorry, I'm not really sure what the point of this thread is. I feel.a bit alone in this, not being part of a Jewish community, so I thought this would br a good place to share my thoughts.

Also...I've realised it might sound like I mean I hadn't realised there was AS before now. Of course I did. But the extent of it, so casually expressed at every opportunity right now, is what I am finding so shocking.

I understand, OP. What you said really resonated with me. I also have Jewish heritage and some were refugees. I wasn’t brought up in the religion or culture.

And yes, I’ve been horrified at the attack on Israel and the rise in antisemitism. I knew there was plenty out there from personal experience, but it’s been unnerving.

Thank you @saturnspinkhoop

I get what you mean op and many people of Jewish heritage have had a rude awakening lately. I have people at work that have just a grandparent or one parent that is Jewish suddenly getting it. Some people started to during covid with the smaller conflict then. However this time nobody can not see it.

I think people are realising being non-religious or only having half the DNA didn't make a difference to Hitler and it doesn't to Jew haters now either.

I am sure you know already like most people obvious antisemitism. However the undercurrent and sly antisemitism is what you need to learn about. I suggest you buy David Baddiel's book: Jews don't count. It is a small book that is quick to read and will give youba good start on understanding how antisemitics think and how to spot the nasty gits.

Me too. Discovered I have Jewish heritage a couple of generations back. I want to learn more about the culture etc but don’t know any other Jewish people. I’m shocked by the number of posters on here who can’t understand why Israel wants to defend itself. It’s like the holocaust has been forgotten because it was so long ago. I’m really not sure what Israel could have done differently and think the world holds it up to a far higher standard than other nations.

@Trulywonderful thanks- yes I bought David Baddiel's book when it came out. Can't remember any other book where I have reached the end and immediately wanted to start it again from page 1!

The Corbyn period was eye-opening for me as a half Jewish Labour voter and I was initially very reassured by the firm stance taken by Starmer after 7th Oct, although am now dismayed by some of the pushback he is getting. But the more generalised antisemitism this time (not just in the Labour party, but everywhere) is jaw-dropping. I feel we are moving away from the subtle, coded forms towards more blatant, violently expressed kinds of antisemitism.

The ancestry DNA leak has also shown me that while someone's Jewishness might not be immediately visible, there are some who will go to extraordinary lengths to find out who is Jewish.

@Simplesimonsdog thanks for posting - yes it's a weird feeling of belonging yet not belonging when you have Jewish roots but don't feel part of a Jewish community. This is the first time in my life when I have wished I had that community around me.

If you live in a city maybe there are social Jewish events / groups/ learning groups?

I'm in a small town and really miss the connection, but the only way I can get the connection is to go to synagogue in a nearby city, and for me that doesn't really work as
a) I'm no longer religious
b) rushing out of the house on a Saturday morning after a hard week at work, and
c) driving to a city and paying parking in a cost of living crisis

All leads to me not going and being isolated.

I often wish there were other ways to connect but maybe in a large city there are.

Also, if you have Jewish roots through your father, a liberal / progressive/ reform shul would accept you as Jewish.

@Towerofsong thanks- that's so funny because I was just googling to see what is near me. There is a Liberal Jewish group (no synagogue but they have a rabbi) but I think I would feel strange turning up as a fence-sitting agnostic-atheist. Then again maybe it would be nice to just make contact. Would that be considered strange do you think? I'm not much of a joiner-inner, all that said! My dad was Jewish but even his parents were largely secular.

I'm quite sure they would be very happy to see you! And it would be a good opportunity to ask if they have any groups /events going on that are non-religiously focussed.
Sometimes there are things like zoom book groups too, I was a member of one in the east of England, although I ended up never going.

What part of the country are you in?

You could maybe watch a service online? Liberal synagogue: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmK-lV969ZKbqcWXz0TcQ9g

They have a zoom kiddush too so you can say hello to people. I found it very helpful during lockdown.

If you used to be orthodox, you may prefer masorti services (i believe they use the traditional prayer book?) Probably no zoom kiddush for this as not in accordance with halakcha.
https://www.mynnls.org.uk/streamed-services

I go to a liberal synagogue. My DH was raised orthodox though his ultra orthodox primary school(the kind that teaches no maths and english and hits the students) traumatised him for life against religion. So he is atheist/agnostic now. He likes my synagogue though, he sees it as humanist(though it is not) and he likes listening to my rabbi's sermons. We do go to services together though he draws the line at a yom kippur service! Its a shame, i think he would like it, it has a violin interlude at the start!

Thank you, I did do zoom services with my shul during Covid but then they stopped. Will check your links out

I'd love to go to Masorti, but the nearest is 50 miles away.

Shabbat Shalom :-)

Hope it's OK for me to post on here - I always feel like a bit of a fraud among Jewish people. I am ethnically half Jewish (wrong half 😉) and was not brought up in any religion.

Of course it's OK, and welcome @0palfruity This little corner of MN has been lovely so far and posters have quite varied connections to Judaism whether ethnically or religiously. For example, tomorrow in my household we'll be having our usual Saturday morning bacon rolls 😅

Thank you all for being so welcoming and understanding. This board is the perfect antidote to the ME conflict boards which I am about to hide - I don't think it is good for me to keep going back to them and I believe some of the posters on there thrive on the hurt they are causing.

Shabbat shalom to those of you for whom today is special. And enjoy your bacon rolls tomorrow @etmoietmoietmoi . This is possibly massively outing to anyone who knows me but on the subject of all varieties of Jewishness, my Jewish dad was in fact more interested in the teachings of Buddha, go figure 😂

@0palfruity Was your dad Allen Ginsberg? 😂It's quite common for Jewish people, especially atheists, to draw on spiritual elements of Buddhism. Bet your dad was cool anyway.

Lol! Not Allen Ginsberg and clearly not as unique as I'd imagined! And yes, v cool 🥰

Welcome @0palfruity

It's sad but things like this terror attack and the war have brought many secular and atheist people of Jewish heritage together.
If you wanted to know more about your history liberal Judaism is most likely to be most inclusive and modern.

Shabbat Shalom. Says it all doesn't it. We always wish for peace/Shalom.

Your dad wasn't Leonard Cohen was he?!

😂😂😂

Seriously I had no idea how many Jewish Buddhists there were! I've just been googling - I honestly thought it was my dad's own funny quirk (of which there were many!). I hadn't realised he was in such illustrious company 😁

My dad was (is) the Jewish one- but my mother converted when I was about 30.

I am in a fairly remote area but discovered there was a very small Jewish group in my area. We do not have a rabbi (although sometimes bring one in for a service). We get together for the big celebrations. We are a mix of observant, non-observant, non-Jewish partners, converted and people who found out they had a Jewish ancestor and come along out of interest and everyone is welcome. Our kiddush tends to be vegetarian as people have differing kosher requirements so it covers everybody.

There might be something like that near you @0palfruity ?

Of course, i mean my mother is Jewish but when I was growing up she wasn't IYSWIM! (I read my post back and it sounded like I was saying a convert is not Jewish. That is not my stance. I consider myself Jewish but know that some would not consider me so!).

Thank you @CloudyAgain! There does seem to be a similar looking group not far from me. I'm dithering over whether to get in touch.

@CloudyAgain are you in the far north west by any chance ? (Not trying to out you btw !)

Can I join too? DH is Jewish, I'm not, but have 'wrong half' kids, at least one of which considers himself Jewish. Very worried about what's happening with students and antisemitism and shocked to see how it's spread so far.