Saving for money reluctant adult child

[Lovingthelighterevenings]

So DD1 is at uni, takes out the fees loan and the maintenance loan but due to our income receives half the full amount. Won't take a top up from us and is determined to be independent. When they were younger we set up a monthly saving account for them which we still pay into - we'd like to transfer the money to them but they don't want our money. Any suggestions on how to gift them the money maybe in an investment product they can ignore/don't have to setup themselves? At this age they have no interest in home ownership or pensions so a LISA doesn't fit the bill.

If she doesn't want it, you can't make her take it. Perhaps she'll change her mind once she's out of university and thinking about her next steps.

I wish our two didn’t want it!!

I think that it is admirable that she wants to make a go of things herself and be independent, and I think that you should be proud and supportive of that.

I would have one conversation now to say that you love her, and will always be willing to support her emotionally or financially if she needs it, and that there is no shame in asking for help. But that you’re proud of her independence, respect that, and will stop offering unless she asks.

Keep the money in a high interest account, and wait to see if she ever needs it in the future. Maybe offer again when she gets to house buying /wedding/kids milestones.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a problem like this one! Well done to your DD. She is exceptional. No advice on investments as my DC have happily taken and spent it!

If they are somehow managing to live on half the standard loan and they’re happy then just leave it. I would try to keep a close eye on them that they aren’t spiralling with high interest debt or anything. Living off half the loan is incredibly difficult.

How unusual but commendable of her, how about a normal ISA? Although I would stick a small amount in a LISA as a 25% top up from the government is a good one in case they pull it.

Just make it known if she is struggling to come to you.

Thank you all. And yes in many ways I'm proud that have I have raised a freak of nature. But man, you want to do right by your kids and being rebutted kinda hurts. But I recognise I am lucky and I should get over it.

@pilates I don't think I can setup a LISA for someone else. My ISA allowance is maxed out. I guess I just put it in a savings account.

I was like that through university, working long hours because I was determined to be a grown up. But ten years later, having struggled in vain to try to save up for a house deposit, I gratefully accepted my parents' offer of help with that. I guess by then I was mature enough to understand that it didn't reflect badly on me. Or maybe I had already proved to myself that I wasn't a scrounger, so I wasn't so sensitive about it.

Could you put it into a pension for her?

How is she managing financially then? I’d be worried she has decided to work too many hours to study well, and will end up either dropping out or getting a poorer result than she deserves. Or that she’s making money in a less salubrious way…

I contributed &2880 pa to a SIPP for DD when Shen wasn’t earning simply to get the tax back

@Geneticsbunny and @Galliano

Can I set up pensions without DD permission or knowledge?

@Saracen thank you. I'm looking at the long game here - I'm fine with the money not being used but it might as well sit and compound interest itself somewhere?

@titchy no idea really but adults do what adults do.

We set up a savings account that paid out the interest monthly, rather than compounding it. Only provided about £90 a month, but helped

Oh God, one of mine is like this (mid 20s) 😁They were stubborn even as a toddler.

I had a small windfall last year and said to all of my adult DC, 'I'm giving you £1,000 each' which was quite a lot for us.

'Why?' demanded the stubborn one. 'I don't need it'. (They are on a very small salary and paying rent at the other end of the country)

@Hatty65

Oh that sounds so familiar.

My current plan is to just transfer cash to DDs account, tell her to dump it in an ISA and in 10 years time she can give it all to a cat charity or something if she doesn't have a use for it. I will at least have tried.

Of course, she might just transfer the money back.

Why don't you just keep it yourself? In a few years time, she will need it either for a deposit or to pay off her uni loan. And she will really appreciate it.

Hmmm I remember not getting the full maintenance loan due to my parents income, and being more than happy to accept a top up from my parents to make up the difference.

Surely that is the whole point? If the powers that be have decided that the average student needs x amount of money to survive, then that is the amount you need? The only difference is if it all comes via a loan or half loan half parents.

Most other students will be getting the full amount this way, so she is putting herself at a disadvantage by not accepting a top up from you.

This all seems very logical to me, and simply a result of you being slightly better off.

But if she won't accept this explanation there isn't much you can do!

Or she might just send it to cat charity straight away. She’s said she doesn’t want it and might just offload it to make a point.

If I were in this position, I’d just leave it an account that pays as high interest as possible and it will be there when she actually needs it a few years down the line and understands the use that it could be to her.

I would keep it for now - in the best savings account you can find, in an account you mentally label as hers.

I would also visit, and attempt to pay for a big shop (stock up on heavy stuff and expensive stuff) take her out for dinner, buy new clothes, buy uni essentials, hair and beauty stuff. Basically give her as much as you can in terms of goods rather than cash. Would she accept that?

I would remind her that she gets a reduced loan because you are expected to top up, the government mandates that this is what is expected. I’d transfer her the top up only but make sure it comes with no strings whatsoever.

it’s admirable that she wants to be so independent but she’s making life hard for herself.