Day Trading

[Badgertime]

I don't really know where to post this.

Married H about 15 years ago where he had a good job in software development in London.
We had 3 children ( youngest now 10) and things just didn't work out. I was sahm and bringing up the 3 kids but had constant criticism and silent treatment for days.

Anyway....I moved away a few years later as I'd had enough of walking on eggshells and being treated like a doormat. I left him in the family home as he wouldn't go and set up a new life with the kids near my mum.
I tried to start a divorce but he pulled out of mediation at the last moment and it just got stressful so I never went ahead as I couldn't really afford it.
I retrained and started working asap with kids now starting nursery and school and I've worked ever since.

He also had a house in the North which sold for around £160K mortgage free a year or so later. I never saw a penny but thought 'well he had that before we married so it wasn't really mine'.
He gave up his job in London and started working from home but I am not sure whether it was doing the markets or not.

Last year he told me he could no longer afford to pay maintenance for the kids and couldn't pay his mortgage. He was selling up.

So stupidly I let him move into a new place we were moving to (I sold my mortgaged property and bought a share in another area). It's all in my name.
I told him he needed to get a job and he promised to get a car and drive (he can drive but hasn't bothered for a few years).

He didn't bother getting a job but started day trading. Set up his room downstairs with lots of monitors ect and literally sits in the there day and night. He hardly comes out of his room, does nothing with the kids and no housework.
I'm working 40 hours a week and doing everything around the house (apart from his washing that he does himself).

It was my birthday Sunday and he didn't say a word to me all day and stayed in his room. He's only just said hello to me today and quite frankly, he's making me mad.

I am worried about his day trading and his laziness. I'm worried he's going to waste the proceeds of the sale in London (around £350K) on day trading.

He did give me some when he sold. He gave me around 60K from the money to help pay the share off and some to invest myself but I'm worried that he might lose everything and then I'll have to bale him out in a few years.

I have no access to his bank accounts and have no idea what he's earning or losing on his trading even though he assures me it's all good.

I really need some advice and am thinking about going to see a solicitor but I need to know how bad this is really or if he really is making money or if it's likely he'll bring me and kids down with him if it fails.

I am also worried he's not paying any national insurance so if he does end up with no money he wouldn't get much help.

I have no idea if he's paying/needs to pay tax.

So to summarise your facts -
A few years ago things didn't work out and you got as far as leaving, mediation with intention to divorce.
You managed well, retrained, parented and now work full-time in a job with potential.
He has got worse and worse.

But now you don't know what to do??
Divorce properly, asap.
His rehab and wellbeing is only your 'job' if he does the same for you, in a team. Like a working marriage.

Rip the plaster off, OP.

Day trading is basically gambling for most people. Someone I know lost £7m. He is an addict and a loser. The £350k is probably gone. Just bin him. He is an addict.

There is not one positive vibe about him thatI get from your post and what more it is extremely worrying. He hasn't got a grip on his life; you have. Get out before he brings your finances crashing down, if he hasn't already.

You are right to be worried. A lot to unpack here but on the money side, it’s unlikely he’s making anything and much more likely he’s losing all the house money and possibly getting into debt as well. As PP said, day trading for most people is just gambling and is a fast way to lose a huge amount of money. The fact that he’s clearly struggling in other ways (shut in his room etc) makes me think he’s in trouble.

Do you actually want him in your house? Would you consider asking him to leave?

I’d get on with the divorce asap and not count on ever getting a penny from him. Also make sure your credit report is not linked to his and (hate to say it) check that he isn’t taking out loans in your name.

This man is taking you for a fool. He can’t pay maintenance for the kids, is living with you rent free and is gambling on day trading day and night and not speaking to you or respecting you. He didn’t give you half the marital home proceeds, just a 60k bung to keep you sweet. The rest of the money is gone, if it was there he’d at least give you interest on his investments. You need to get him out and start divorce proceedings. I’d also be worried he’s using your details and address. If you can’t check his details check your own credit report.

There are no positives to the scenario you paint. NI and tax are his problem, don’t let him drag you down further.

your life sounded great until he re entered it.

Just realised this thread is from July OP hope you have moved on and taken professional advice.

@kristinaluna22 really?

Dear OP, this is indeed not good at all.

I worked in the industry and talked to thousands like him.

The worst day traders are insecure male idiots with delusions of grandeur, the ones with the multiple monitors, the gadgets, etc. like your partner. It always ends bad for them.

They don’t know sh*t, are impulsive, it’s very personal and emotional to them (they mainly want to feel like Gordon Gekko), they start living in a gambling delusion listening to no one until it crashes. Then they whinge and get angry at everyone but themselves. But most only put a couples of grand, they learn their lesson quickly and move on.

But 350k? It can keep the delusion and addiction going for a long, painful while. And I wouldn’t be sure it would take years OP, because the pattern generally when they realise over time they’re losing rather than winning is that they want to recoup their losses in one go and start betting bigger, accelerating the downfall.

OP, get away from this man as much and as fast as you can, take every step possible to separate finances. Try to get him to set money aside from the trading while it seems there is still some. And tell him to leave.