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Original poster

Ex asking me to contact Child Maintenance Options

13 replies

MazzaMaisie · 31/01/2019 20:12

Hi,
Has anyone got advice for me regarding the CMO?
After a few years of no financial support from ex, now go through CMO this past year. I receive £35 a month as he is on benefits. He lives in Kensington , 200 miles from us. I work full time but have had to take time off as dd14 suffering with school refusal, anxiety, recently needed medication due to complete breakdown and recently diagnosed ASD. It’s been very very tough, harrowing in fact, Before Christmas got letter from CMO stating ex no longer in receipt of benefits and based in hmrc records should start contributing £70 a week. Great I thought,,,Then 3 days later they rang me...ex had rang and said he’s not receiving benefits anymore but not got a job so dd wouldn’t be getting increased financial support after all. I queried how that could be / why give up benefits if no job?! Ex has new family and lives in Kensington in expensive area, is director of several companies and I’ve always suspected something fishy as how could he be surviving? I was told I could contact HMRC myself or wait till review this January. I waited for review . I got a letter a week
ago stating they had reviewed case and new evidence suggests ex has paid tax according to HMRC (been paid dividends?) so the initial decision is f £70 a wk stands. Now to my question — ex has emailed me several times saying he is not working and I should ring CMO and withdraw my application as they told him I could do this!! My question is isn’t it the CMOs job to liaise? I’m not comfortable with my ex contacting me directly saying the CMO told him that it was me who said he was working . I never did - I just queried the situation. It’s just so odd. Any advice? I want to just ignore and wait for CMO to contact me,

OP posts:
Original poster
MazzaMaisie · 01/02/2019 10:11

Anybody? Am in the wrong section?

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 01/02/2019 10:15

Tell him that they are using his tax return, he filed it so he has also signed it to say it is correct.
Tell him his child eats food, wears clothing, how can he object to paying so little for his child

TheShiteRunner · 01/02/2019 10:17

I'd say nothing. Let the CMO deal with him. Being in touch with him isn't going to help or improve the situation.

llangennith · 01/02/2019 10:34

Don't respond to him. Do all your dealings with CMO and tell them everything you know.

Surfingtheweb · 01/02/2019 11:04

They use the tax info don't they so I doubt it's wrong. If you reply to him I'd just say that he is responsible for supporting his children & you have no intention of closing your claim & he is unreasonable to ask you too.
I would maybe not get used to the money though if he does start to pay, maybe put it away or something? Sounds like he will be doing all he can to ensure he doesn't pay.

Original poster
MazzaMaisie · 01/02/2019 11:09

Thanks for your advice. I have tried to ring child maintenance as he’s now mailed me, deposited £300 (which he says he had to borrow but wouldn’t be able to give any more until he has a job..) and again asking me to ring child maintenance to withdraw application saying he’s working?!? CMS did their annual review and said their decision from before Christmas on closer investigation stands. I will try to ring them again next week..,It’s so maddening as dd very vulnerable and was increasingly finding contact with dad difficult. At 13 she would sob before having to see him. The last straw was when I’d pushed her to go and she came back and he had made her lie on bed for 2 hours ranting at her for being on reduced timetable, that his anxiety was much worse when he was younger and that SHE was stressing him out. She totally broke down when back home and begged not to have to see him, I suggested he see a councillor to liaise between them as I couldn’t be that person anymore and I wasn’t going to force her to spend time with him (bear in mind for 10 years contact was in place). In stead ex took me to family court - I was working full time as teacher, attending assessments and countless meetings for daughter, fighting for complimentary education, doing extra planning for her - I was exhausted. It cost me £8000 in legal fees!!! He had a more expensive solicitor than me - at athis tome I’d not had one penny off him in over two years! My solicitor was the one who told me to contact CMS and I did. My dad is just having first round of chemo this week (my parents have helped look after my daughter so I could work these past 10 years) and finally my daughter got ASD diagnosis last week ..,Sorry to go on but I’m on my own a lot and I’ve been very emotional this week worrying about being off work and how I’m going to manage getting back into work now my parents can’t help with my daughter. It’s just so complicated, her needs and an ex who has autistic traits but comes off as terribly narcissistic. Thanks for listening .. I’ve had a little cry so onwards and upwards again now!

OP posts:
Original poster
MazzaMaisie · 01/02/2019 11:12

By the way Cafcass fully supported my daughter. She is gifted and talented and very articulate and they said that she had ‘well thought out and valid reasons for not wanting direct contact at this time’. My ex didn’t want to hand over medical records at second hearing and withdrew on the day and the court order supports my daughter. A good outcome but was incredibly stressful and costly.

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 01/02/2019 11:15

Just tell him to contact the tax office if he thinks he filed the wrong tax returns.
Then don't answer him again.

justilou1 · 01/02/2019 11:33

Thank him for the gift and let the tax office know, and your solicitor. He is harassing you.

Surfingtheweb · 01/02/2019 11:44

God he sounds so horrible to deal with. I really think you should try not to get sucked in. Maybe reply & say it's his place to speak to the child maintenance people not yours & you have enough to deal with with your daughter & parents & you don't want him to contact you about this again.
I hope your daughter is ok, don't force contact if she doesn't want it & maybe ask for help from social services if his contact has such a negative impact & she doesn't want it, I really doubt a court would force anything if it's having such a negative impact on a child.
Try to stay strong & think happy thoughts, don't focus on this, it sounds overwhelming.

VimFuego101 · 01/02/2019 11:53

I agree, just tell him that if he filed tax returns with incorrect information, he needs to address it with HMRC.

Original poster
MazzaMaisie · 02/02/2019 00:21

Thank you all for all your advice. It’s the first time I’ve posted and it’s been really useful to get all this feedback! Smile

OP posts:
PickAChew · 02/02/2019 00:26

Tell him that he sagged so you'll contact the authorities and he can pay for the human being that produced as they deem fit. No negotiation. Though.

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