Unsure what to do with frozen embryos when family feels complete

[Kaybee1989]

My husband and I went through IVF and we had our daughter last year 👏 We still have 4 embryos frozen and are paying to keep them in storage every year. I’m 36, he’s 47 and we feel like our family is complete. Even if we changed our minds and felt like we’d want another child (I highly doubt it) we’re getting older and he has become partially disabled and it would all fall on me, so no thanks.

In the country that we live, you can only destroy your embryos after you have gone through menopause and you must go to court and have paperwork drawn to confirm the decision. The other options are:
•donate them to another person anonymously
•donate them to science/research

Selfishly, I don’t know how I’d feel knowing there was another baby of mine out there that I didn’t know, my daughters sibling. And on the other hand, I don’t really know what they do to the embryo when you donate them for research. But it also seems silly to pay hundreds for storage when we know we don’t want any more and we could spend that on the child that we have already.

Any insight or opinions?

We also have embryos in storage and we’re paying to keep them for now. In the grand scheme of things, a few hundred pounds per year isn’t a lot to pay to keep our options open. I’m happy to pay that until we’re 100% sure that a) we don’t want them for ourselves and b) we’ve decided what to do with them.

It sounds like you’re certain you don’t want them for yourself, so you’ve done that part of the decision making. And it sounds like you don’t like the idea of donating them to another family. I totally understand not wanting someone else to have your embryos. I feel the same way. I think it takes a really special kind of person to be willing to do that.

If the only thing holding you back from donating them to science is bot knowing what will happen, I suggest you ask your fertility clinic or embryo bank. They’d be best placed to say where they actually go (To the clinic? To a university? Elsewhere?) and what they’re used for (Developing new tests? Training embryologists?).

Once you’ve spoken with them, if you don’t feel comfortable with how the embryos are used, remember, you do still have the option to continue paying for the storage until you can have them destroyed. You probably have 5–15 years left until the menopause, so you could weigh up the expense over that time vs having the money now.

Hi, this is not an easy decision, and unfortunately, every option comes with its own challenges and trade-offs.
I personally know a family who were able to have a child through donated embryos because it was their only path to parenthood. They are incredibly grateful to the donors and cannot imagine their lives without their child.
That said, as I mentioned, every decision in a situation like this usually involves some aspect that you may not feel completely comfortable with. There is rarely a perfect choice—only the one that feels most right for you and your family.

I love the idea of helping another family become complete by donating them. We used donor sperm with my eggs to be able to conceive, and I’m so grateful for the gift we’ve been given 💖 I guess it’s the not knowing, the clinic won’t tell us if someone has used the embryos or not with it being completely anonymous etc.
I used to think that life begins later, when you can hear the heartbeat and see the form of the baby, but after having one… it’s made it hard for me to separate the idea of each one being a possible baby. But then if when I hit menopause they’re going to be destroyed, I guess I’d be upset too. Thank you both for your input, it’s really helpful and nice to hear from someone else 💕