Sensitive - Unused Embryos

[lemonyfox]

Hi all. I appreciate this is an entirely sensitive and triggering (for some) question to ask so I’m sorry in advance if this upsets anyone.

We had a successful round of IVF in 2024 and our daughter was born in 2025, and we already have another child conceived the “normal” way a few years before. So to us, our family is complete.

But we still have some embryos still frozen and I just can’t bring myself to tick the form to say we no longer want to keep them frozen, our annual storage fee is due so I need to make the decision soon but I just can’t do it. I know our family is complete logically and financially, I know this, but after the emotional drain of going through IVF and the tiny whisper of “what if” in the back of my head I feel so conflicted. It makes me feel sick thinking of it, I can’t do it. But I also know we can’t just keep paying hundreds every year in storage fees to avoid making this decision.

I guess I know what the answer is but I’m just looking for support, advice, I don’t know.

For anyone else who made this decision, how did you decide? What helped?

One of my friends buried their remaining frozen embryo in the garden so it is always close by. Could you consider something like this?

Genuine question - why can't you keep paying hundreds of pounds per year?
It's probably a pound a day or something...which is a drop in the ocean compared to what you probably paid for treatment.

If you're not ready to make the decision yet, put it off, pay the storage for this year, speak to a counsellor who understands infertility and can guide you to come to your own conclusion. You may decide to donate the embryos for research to help others, you may donate to people, you may decide to destroy them. But for a comparatively small fee you can have more time to decide.

And if you rail against that suggestion, then it might also lead you to where you want to be. Good luck with your (in)decision.

Consider waiting enough year to decide.

I didn’t even know you could do that! Thanks for the idea

No you’re right, it’s probably what I’ll end up doing

It’s so hard, our first round worked and we had three in the freezer. We very unexpectedly conceived our second naturally. We both agreed that our family is complete but it was still so hard to let them go. We were so thrilled to have some frozen so it seemed so wrong to let them go. We had five years included in our package and then paid for another year as I found it too hard to let them go. In the end I just signed the form and sent it and didn’t let myself think about it. I admit when we received confirmation that they had been destroyed it did sting. This was nearly a year ago now and I am at peace with it. I love the idea of bringing them home, we weren’t offered any other option, though we’re not in the UK.

@Betsyboo87thanks for sharing, it does seem so wrong doesn’t it. I’m still in two minds, I’m just ignoring the payment email for now which I know is wrong but I just can’t face it.

I had one euploid leftover and I just bit the bullet and ticked the form . My dh definitely doesn’t want any more kids and I have to say I found newborn stage so tiring I was in agreement but there is a small part of me that thought what if i want another one in a couple of years cos im 39. Decided to just make the decision and be done with it .for one thing we aren’t rich and I don’t want the financial pressure of another child plus spending 100s per year storing an embryo when my dh is 100 percent certain he doesn’t want another . Just to add I’m not religious or spiritual so I suppose that made it easier but I’m not gonna lie I did find it a little hard to let go especially since i have 2 of the same sex and I will always wonder if that embryo was my potential daughter.

@TheIceBearyeah it’s that future “what if” isn’t it? What if I change my mind in future.

I ended up paying the storage fee for another year after all that anyway!

@lemonyfox its no harm if you are unsure